SMART CANCELS EVERYTHING
When bosses at DaimlerChrysler's up shit creek brand Smart warned that tough decisions were needed if the company was to make a profit, many industry observers were unsurprised when these decisions included killing the ailing Roadster model and last week's announcement that they will also cease production of the larger ForFour model. Now Smart management has revealed their most radical cost saving measure to date - they're not going to bother making any cars at all. "To see some return on investment it was crucial that we deleted unprofitable models like the Roadster and ForFour and these measures seemed to work," said someone who was inside. "So then we realised that if we got rid of the ForTwo as well this would completely solve the problem of trying to sell cars at a loss. Car making is a difficult business to return a profit on. So we aren't going to do it any more. Now we are just going to sit here keeping out of trouble and everything will be fine". Whilst some observers are puzzled as to how you can be a car company when you don't make any cars, at least one high profile industry figure was approving of the unusual plan: "I can heartily recommend this approach to car not-making," said former MG Rover boss Joan Towers. "We stopped building cars almost a year ago and I still seem to have lots of money".
