Changes, Typing, Speaking, Music, Sport

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It began when I typed "hwen" instead of "when" and I knew
something was going on. Just now I typed "wehn". when I knew
something was amiss. I will carry out an action and forget that
action and that I have carried it out. My feet find the
pavement. My might - I meant "mind" is faster than ever. I'm
always in a hurry to carry on before something gives out. It's
more difficult if I type like this, not watching the letters
appearing directly on the screen. I must focus and post-focus
and pre-focus. All of this is minor. I forget where I leave
books for example. My focus is as good as ever. When I typed
hwen - perhaps eight months ago. When I typed "ago" I "heard"
"ape." Forgetting names is typical. What surrounds the name
remains - for example circumstances, environments, and events,
even in detail, perhaps in more detail. I have lived in a number
of countries, cities, states, and so forth: I remember - not in
the sense, again, of filling in the blanks with external debris
or detailing, but with an exactitude that is astonishing. What
would this have to do with survival? I call things by their
proper names, but again, when people are involved. I began
typing "invov" and stopped in time, the "l" came naturally. Are
my fingers listening? Did they ever? At an earlier age I was
never known for amazing memory, but I knew the scope of a
subject or thing; I loved mathematics (typed "mathematica") but
was poor at grasping and manipulating deep structures. I gave
out after the calculus. My sleep is horrifying, on and off
through both day and night, attempting nighttime sleep between
two and three a.m., awaking any time after that, napping any
time after that. Several naps a day. I eat vegetarian except for
occasional salmon (doctor's orders) and take no recreational
drugs or alcohol. I tend my mind like the garden it is or should
be. When I first wake in the morning, I write and work on music
(wrote "muric"), art, texts. Speaking texts works to a degree,
allows the complex flow of ideas - wrote "idea" - better than
typing/reading typing - that vortex - wrote "vortext" - that
usually occurs - in speaking - as opposed to this - wrote "his"
- which occurs in typing, in other words, the natural flow of
speech which seems far more fundamental than typing - which
always has multiple barriers of writing, mechanism, reading, and
so forth - the machine age is always already upon us - too many
operations at once - including, for example, the act of sight,
necessary for following the text I'm writing, including or in
spite of, inner speech - as I sound out to myself what would be
far more natural given as vocal language. [Vocal speech now. (I
wrote "not".)]: It is in part then the multiple operations that
are necessary when typing that takes away from the content of
what is being thought or said for example . How did I am
dictating I can look loosely at what I am writing or pay no
attention to it and go back over it, and in this way it seems to
be a more natural environment for thinking through the world.
It's no longer a question of scanning or scan chain. It's now a
question simply of being in the world and describing what that
being is. Now you see I have the words scan chain here . Where
what I meant was SCAN SI ON. The dictation breaks this up as you
can see it creates a rupture for the reader but not for the
speaker. I'm better than that the words are for the most part
spelled correctly . Now I will then dictating. I will go back to
typing. [End of speaking now, back (I wrote "bac k") to typing
now.] In fact, these modes have followed me all of my life; so
much of my work has been verbal, so much of my art has been
music, equally improvised in the moment, but without the
disagreeable chores of reading after the fact, worrying syntax -
in improvisation there is a degree of abandonment which is
critical - leaving behind what has already been played, rougly
remembering the structure in order return to it as a form of
memory or resonance... that always continues. Music and sport
are in the moment - perhaps everything, one way or another,
is...

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