Dear open space friends, Matilda and I have been a little absent from the list and just wanted to check in with you all as to what's been happening and our extraordinary start to the year.
For the end of last year I had been working on an Opera at the Met in New York. Matilda became pregnant in April and because of this work commitment if we wanted to be together for the birth we had to have it in New York. Because of the show timing was also an issue. Although we knew that whenever it happened was the right time, we had also been talking to our baby in the womb and encouraging it that if it could just hold off a little while it would get to hear the opera and that if it came during rehearsals it would probably miss the chance of hearing the baroque music that's supposed to be so good for your baby in utero! On 31st, Dec 2011 The Enchanted Island opened. Matilda was there on opening night and we were greatly relieved that things were happening in the order we had hoped for. We then imagined we might even get a bit of a break for preparation before anything else happened. However, two days later on the evening of the Monday Matilda's first contractions began. (Whenever it starts is the right time.) We met our Doula (birthing companion) briefly then went for a meal at the Italian restaurant on the corner of 8th and C, (It's amazing how quickly your food arrives if you tell them your wife's having contractions). Then we went back to our East Village apartment and put up the birthing pool we had hired, hoping that the midwife’s assurance that it was like approximately 8 big men drinking beer in your kitchen was accurate and it wasn't going to crash through the floor. Then we went to bed and tried to get some sleep. Matilda being Matilda there wasn't much of that, nor for the next four nights. Next morning We gathered around the empty birthing pool. This was our circle. Increasing our numbers with some toy monkeys and an elephant who had been given as a gift for the baby we opened the space for our birth. We made An invitation for this new life to come into the world. The principles were up on our apartment walls and we posted sessions that could happen at any time. They included “Music and dancing”, “Wise Teachers”, “Love and welcome”, “Filling the pool” etc.. Now if you go through the principles and think about it you’ll realise how pertinent they are for a genuine birth. Especially when you are hundred miles from home and dealing with all the things that come with setting up for the holding of space for the entry of a new life into this world. Whenever it starts is the right time. Whoever comes are the right people. When it's over it's over. (and when not over it's not over of course!) Whatever happens is the only thing that could have. Wherever it happens is the right place. Law of two feet/mobility. Be prepared to be surprised! Amazed at how marginalised the midwifing community is in the USA compared to Europe we had watched the great film “The business of being born” and had been given a recommendation by our UK midwife of a midwife in the States. We discovered it was not only the midwife in this film but that she was living two streets away from us in the East village opposite a restaurant called “Matilda”! During our pre birth work we had been doing a lot of studying, finding out about midwifery and had been amazed by Michel Odent's and also Ina May Gaskin's work. Lots of the literature could easily be interchangeable with work on creativity/opening space. For example: Odent's advice that he usually turns up at a birth and says: “Do you mind if I go take a nap in the room down the corridor.” Also “the best place for an obstetricians hands are in his pockets” etc.. All this work is about space.. space.. opening space.. Holding space. Its about trusting in emergence, whilst holding off on intervention. Over the next four days with the help of our amazing Midwife Cara and our Doula Angelique we went on an extraordinary roller coaster of physical and emotional experience. They were both fantastic at holding and creating a safe space for us both and they allowed me to support Matilda in following herself mentally and physically. It was an incredibly challenging birth because of what turned out to be our little son's position against Matilda's back, so it was very long and although it looked like we may have to go to hospital at the later stages, our wonderful Midwife and Doula and their team of helpers who appeared in various guises throughout the three days pulled us through and our home birth happened as we had hoped. Others who helped were Pat an astonishing acupuncturist who turned up on the Thursday night who just happened to be nearby and gave Matilda "liquid hips”! and Miriam a midwife colleague of Cara's who appeared because she had texted Cara to meet for a coffee just when we needed support because it looked like the baby’s heart was slowing. She walked through the door to see the babies head crowning. Truly whoever comes are the right people! She then helped getting the baby out fast with Cara to speed things up as his heart was slowing. We stood Matilda up and the baby was born not in the pool but in front of our sofa. (Wherever it happens is the right place.) As well as them, Matilda was of course amazing and inspiring. Doing it all without painkillers and using only myself, a birthing pool, the open space principles and repeated playings of "The Bare Necessities" to get her through. At 8.47am on the 6th Jan 2012 the baby was born. Because of his difficult route his head was squished into a rather dramatic lopsided horn, (“be prepared to be surprised” and “whatever happens is the only thing that could have”), which quickly disappeared. Riddley Wilbur McDermott (Whoever comes are the right people.) is now doing very well. He is particularly beautiful. Here's a photo of him: http://clusterform.tumblr.com/post/16137649871/riddley-wilbur-mcdermott-libatique-73-lens-kodot Our birth has now happened. (when it's over it's over) But the space that has opened where our baby boy now exists is astounding, scary, exhilarating and profoundly humbling. We love him. For our new family it is of course just beginning... (When it's not over it's not over.) Lots of love Phelim X ________________________________ I generally pick up emails only at the beginning and end of the working day. I am currently aiming to respond the following day. If it is urgent please call me on 07956 187298. _____________________________________ www.improbable.co.uk @openspacer @wosonos2012 _______________________________________________ OSList mailing list To post send emails to OSList@lists.openspacetech.org To unsubscribe send an email to oslist-le...@lists.openspacetech.org To subscribe or manage your subscription click below: http://lists.openspacetech.org/listinfo.cgi/oslist-openspacetech.org
