Macha's relactation story.....

Baby Emeleen was born 22nd March, 2001.  First day was great.  Second night
was a nightmare.  She wouldnt stop crying and my nipples were beginning to
hurt.  Midwife taught me to use controlled crying...on my 2 DAY old baby (If
I knew then what I know now!).  She howled through the night, I after
exhausting and highly interventional labour was exhausted.  Nobody would
take my baby to the nursery, I was beginning to become irrational.  Next
morning, baby still crying, midwife says "I'm not supposed to say this, but
you need some sleep.  Would you like to give Emeleen some formula?".  Gladly
agreed, and entered downward spiral at this point.  Expressed madly through
the day so I wouldnt have to give her formula again.  When I got home, after
3 days in hospital, (sore nipples gone, technique on the ball) we were doing
alright, feeling a bit stressed and tired, but coping.  Day 5, enter
bottlefeeding fascist mother.  "Shes hungry, you dont have enough milk, your
boobs look smaller etc etc".  Give baby another bottle.  Attend hospital b/f
centre, told to feed 3 hourly and express.  I still felt incredibly
stressed.  Baby began putting on weight and was doing fine, but I was
convinced, under influence of my mother, that it was not enough.  She put on
a whole lot, then in 5 days put on 15g, and I panicked.  Started giving more
bottles.  Contacted ABA and got a supply line.  Got a script of maxalon, and
continued to b/f and supplement with supply line until Emeleen was 5 months
old (and a bit).  Totally on formula, she was incredibly constipated, so I
decided to relactate, also because I missed breastfeeding, and felt totally
inadequate, and like a failure.  I used Goldfarb/Newman protocol (Diane35
and domperidone) to buil up breast tissue and after a month started
expressing anywhere from 8-12 times a day.  Tried every method under the sun
to get Emeleen back to the breast, and the best I could do was get her to
bite them..and then crack up laughing at mummies reaction.  I persevered and
am able to express about 140mls per day...not much, but I feel great!!!!
Emeleen, now 14 months is incredibly interested in my boobs.  Always looking
down my shirt and squealing with delight when she squeazes milk from my
nipples.  It is surprisingly a good feeling...although not a complete
breastfeeding relationship, we have our own way of doing it.  The best thing
about it is that I feel satisfied.  I feel like I have achieved something,
although it may seem like nothing to others.  The very fact that she has
learnt to accept my breasts and play with them is enough....and of course,
she gets the important breastmilk!!!

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