Hi, Fellow
Listers, I’ve been
a silent observer of the list for a couple of months now and have learnt heaps!
Thanks to everyone. I just
wanted to say that although I have no qualifications in baby care except that
of the mother of a one year-old, I must wholeheartedly support Pinky’s
excellent explanation of why controlled crying isn’t a good option. A young
baby’s only way of communicating is to cry. If they’re crying, there’s
something they are telling you and it’s usually hunger, wet nappy or some other
discomfort that thorough investigation will always find. If their communication
is ignored, the message sent to them is that they may as well not communicate. I
don’t need to state what a detrimental message that is. I’m
currently in the throes of launching an agency that specialises in overnight
care of babies and I want my nannies to understand this and for this to be
absolute policy. I therefore look forward to meeting you, Pinky, at Kidzexpo on
Saturday with a view to perhaps organising some workshops for my nannies with
this in mind. Sincerely, Lyn Cottee -----Original
Message----- Hi
Darren For
goodness sakes get them a copy of 100 Ways to Calm the Crying - and read it
yourselfBEFORE you have your bub - you can order it from my website - www.pinky-mychild.com Now I
have been so blatant - Controlled Crying is actually very unsafe for a
baby this young -Training babies to sleep too soundly, too early is a SIDS risk
. Babies need to be able to arouse if they are too hot, too cold, have a
breathing obstruction (all SIDS risks) . Controlled
Crying is also bad for bonding (for both parent and child) and; according to
a Harvard study actually alters the physiology of the brain (rather like a
trauma response) predisposing the child to later anxiety and depression.
Controlled crying/ parent directed feeding/ strict routines are also associated
with failure to thrive (ref to all these in '100 Ways to Calm the
Crying" - sorry its late and I am trying to meet a deadline so dont
have time to look them all up right now -but couldnt let this pass without a
vent) i
personally see controlled crying at any age to be an abusive practice - imagine
landing in a strange country, not knowing the language and being thirsty or
hungry - or simply needing reassurance - and finding yourself unable to
communicate your needs - we only have to put ourselves in our babies bootees
for a moment - if our own feelings dont scream out loud and clear that THIS
DOESNT FEEl RIGHT! I keep
hearing of babies only a few weeks old being "sleep trained" - this
is very cruel - these tiny beings have just entered a world so different from
the womb - we are the adults here -it is up to us to protect babies
senses and meet their needs for love and emotional well-being as well as
food -and, remember, a newborns stomach is around the size of a ping pong
ball - it doesnt matter what it is fed it will only stay full a very short time
- around two hours from the bEGINNING of a feed to the next one. For me
personally, the issue is that we can "control" some babies
(teach them to give up because there is no point trying to make a difference -
and how many adults do you know like this?) but this means that we end up
seeing babies as little objects to be fixed - later, as they grow into more
feisty children we seek more quick fixes like "behaviour management"
- instead of seeing the whole issue as one of a relationship -which we need to
establish through bonding and mutual respect - children learn what they live -
and behave as well as they are treated. It is
far easier and much more enjoyable to put in the "hard
yards" and learn a baby's cues and teach her the world is safe in the
beginning than to chase our tails later as we keep on trying to learn the next
fad thing to stay in control as we deal with night terrors and clinginess
because our kids feel insecure. I guess
there are a lot of unreal expectations around babies feeding and sleeping and
very little support for mums and dads, possibly because we dont always ask for
help - set up your networks for support BEFORE you have your baby -
freeze meals and simplfy your life - plan your BABYMOON, Darren - AROUND the
baby's needs as well as your own - it is tiring but the baby shouldnt be the
one to pay. Be open
to receiving support - most of us feel privileged to be asked and EVERYONE can
share the magic of a baby. Best
wishes with your own bub. Pinky |
- Re: [ozmidwifery] Controlled crying Lois Wattis
- Re: [ozmidwifery] Controlled crying barbara glare & chris bright
- Re: [ozmidwifery] Controlled crying JoFromOz
- Re: [ozmidwifery] Controlled crying lyn kelson
- RE: [ozmidwifery] Controlled crying Ken Ward
- [ozmidwifery] Controlled Crying Pinky McKay
- Re: [ozmidwifery] Controlled Crying Larissa & Tim
- RE: [ozmidwifery] Controlled Cry... Julia Monaghan
- [ozmidwifery] Re: Controlled... Larissa & Tim
- Re: [ozmidwifery] Controlled Crying Denise Hynd
- Re: [ozmidwifery] Controlled Crying Lyn Cottee
- Re: [ozmidwifery] Controlled Cry... Pinky McKay
- Re: [ozmidwifery] Controlled... James & Stephanie Fairbairn
- Re: [ozmidwifery] Controlled Crying Mary Murphy
- Re: [ozmidwifery] Controlled Cry... Pinky McKay
- [ozmidwifery] controlled crying Pinky McKay
- [ozmidwifery] Controlled Crying Pinky McKay