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Dear Robin
Please can we talk?
Denise Hynd
041 7932570
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Wednesday, November 27, 2002 6:34
AM
Subject: Re: [ozmidwifery] Re: [Children
Present at Births)
" Ifeel that it would be the midwives responsibility to help
the family in this sort of case which would involve some assistance with
the toddler regardless if they had planned to have him there or
not."
You know, I find this statement REALLY scary. I dont mean to be picky (
except I am,) and I'm certainly not directing my thoughts at Rhonda ( although
it seems like it), but I really worry about this attitude that seems to
be developing within maternity units. And propagated by misguided
managers who think it's good for business .
I've 'heard' this over and over in the past few years. Not
just verbally, but by suggestion or presumption, or by the idea that midwives
are caring for ' families'. How much more of a load can we hospital
midwives carry? We have to worry about the woman, about the woman being
swallowed by technology and protocol, by corporate management and crazy
consumer ideals ( like it being okay to be too posh to push). We're being
swallowed by paper work, doubled up with computer programs and bloody machines
everywhere , and somewhere in the middle of that we're trying desperately to
help a woman and her partner find meaning in their birth.
I said before that I love having children at a birth and I will do
everything that I can to make the little one feel part of the
party, but suggesting that we are responsible for them is just too much.
Rhonda, I know entirely what you are getting at, there are many families I
have met who have brought kids in because they have no support mechanism, and
that's a sad thing in itself. But I dont want to be responsible for the child.
I want to be with the woman. I want to worry about
her, and her only, because if I get it wrong in the hospital system my arse is
on the line.
Oh how I wish I was a homebirthing midwife. It seems a whole lot more
manageable and satisfying.
Robin
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Wednesday, November 27, 2002 1:34
AM
Subject: RE: [ozmidwifery] Re:
[Children Present at Births)
|
Sorry I was only quoting what she had said - 'nurses or nursing
staff did not help her with the tot.
And gee - what was she meant to do? Any ideas! Living
about 3 hours drive away from her parents who were driving down
to help she had 3 close back up child minders and her nighbour
had offered - it was her second child of the 4 so she only had one 2
yr old and all 3 people were unreachable and the neighbour was
out. I guess she could have left him in the car - perhaps a
roasted dead 2 yr old would be less trouble for the staff.
I feel that it would be the midwives responsibility to help the
family in this sort of case which would involve some assistance
with the toddler regardless if they had planned to have him there or
not.
-------Original
Message-------
Date: Tuesday,
November 26, 2002 23:47:58
Subject: RE:
[ozmidwifery] Re: [Children Present at Births)
Please midwives not nurses,
nursing staff. THE MIDWIFE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE SAFETY AND
WELLBEING OF MOTHER AND BABY. If anything goes wrong she is
responsible, and ends up in court, and has to live with
it. Distractions such as toddlers running around can affect
everyone present. I once cared for a family where the 3 year old was
busy under the bed. I was scared of him hurting himself and or
dismantling the bed [I have one myself that could dismantle anything
with his busy little fingers]. I agree, a well prepared, lovingly
supervised tot is a delight, and I too love the older children to be
involved. The question of the lights wouldn't have bothered me, I
prefer them off. Who was minding the other
kids?
Maureen.
|
Dear robin,
I can understand this attitude but when the parents have
made every effort to get help and have been unable to contact
anyone (just bad timing rather than bad management) you would
expect some understanding and support from the nursing staff -
not like she could just put off her labour until the
babysitter came home. She was made to feel that she was
not meant to have him there etc as she had not planned it she
was also feeling that he was not meant to be there which made
her uncomfortable.
Also it does not take much effort to help especially with
this woman who basically popped out all of her four boys
without any assistance or complications. I don't know
why she went to the hospital - personally.
4 hours being her longest
labour. No tears, no other complications at all except
an unattended 2yr old who found the light switch.
I did say to her if that was her only complaint out of 4
hospital births then she had "nothing" to complain
about! LOL
Rhonda.
If that was the worst thing to happen to all women we
would all be laughing!
-------Original Message-------
Date:
Monday, November 25, 2002 19:35:40
Subject:
Re: [ozmidwifery] Re: [Children Present at Births)
Rhonda,
with all due respect for your friend, unattended children
at a hospital birth can very stressful for the staff. A lot of
staff will take the attitude that they're not required to look
after the child and wont make an effort. A lot of staff
will get very anxious that such a little one can cause discord
in the delivery room. It's always a problem when parents bring
children in when there's no special support person for child
exclusively. It's not that they're not wanted, far from it, it
just alters the flow of attention off the mother, and that's
always difficult when a midwife is trying to care for the
mother's needs first.
Having said that, I LOVE having kids in, it adds an extra
special dimension to the labour, and I particularly love
having older children with whom you can talk and discuss
things with. The look on their faces is simply fabulous as
they take in an adult version of real life.
Robin
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Monday, November
25, 2002 5:46 PM
Subject: RE:
[ozmidwifery] Re: [Children Present at Births)
|
This reminded me of a woman I know who had not
intended her 2yr old son to be at the birth of her
second child.
When she went into labour she could not get hold
of her back up child care.
So they went to the hospital and hubby had the
2yr old - trying to call for someone to help.
To cut it short - a fast labour 21/2 hrs with 2
yr old running about delivery room - turning the
lights off and on while baby was born.
She was shocked that the nurses didn't even
assist with loking after him.
This was about 11 yrs ago but she
still laughs about yeling at her son to "turn the
light back on" between pushing.
He was totally unprepared and a little too
young to be unattended while Dad helped her.
Rhonda
-------Original
Message-------
Date: Monday, November 25, 2002
14:39:46
Subject: RE: [ozmidwifery] Re: [Children
Present at Births)
We planned on having out two sons
present at the birth at home of number
three, boys
were 3 1/2years and just under two. I showed them the
video of
number two being born, water birh at home,
we watched it lots and also some
other videos our
midwife lent us. I told them about the noise I might
make
and about how not to talk when I was
concentrating on the baby coming out.
Likened it to
having to concentrate when driving the car and looking
for a
carpark, can't talk much then either. I told
them it might hurt me, but it
was a special hurt
just for helping babies to come out. I told them it
had
to come out between my legs, a special whole
that only mummies have, boys
don't have one. Daddy
would be rubbing my back and helping me and the
baby.
Importantly you need to arrange a person/s
for the children, someone they
trust and they need
to support your philosophies of childbirth, you
don't
want their fear coming into your birth. My
husband wasn't as keen as I was,
but he agreed to
take it as it came. I also told them that I might want
to
be on my own and they may have to go for a walk
or to grandma's. I
acknowledged that this could
upset them and hence affect my labour, but
figured
I would allow half an hour extra in labour for this to
be worked
through(not scientifically based).Birth
can take a while so children will
probably want
other things to do. You have to accept that may not
even like
to be there at the time, nothing is set
in concrete.
It helps if they are involved with the
pregnancy, attending appointments if
in hospital or
helping the midwife if at home. Kids just love the
tools of a
midwife, fundal measurements might be a
bit out though if they help.
Some good books are
"Having a Baby" by Jenni Overend and also the writer
of
"Maisie Mouse" series has one about introducing
a new sibling etc, (sorry
don't know the
name).
Lots of talking, my youngest wasn't that
interested, but the older boy new
all about the
placenta and unbilical cord, he loved the blood and
mess.
After all my education, baby decided to enter
the world in the middle of the
night and the boys
slept right through it all. We woke the eldest up
a
couple of hours later to help cut the cord.
Little one didn't wake til usual
time. It was a
fast and demanding labour so it was appropriate that
the boys
weren't there, I believe I wouldn't have
coped as well, things happen for a
reason.
My
oldest, now 4 1/4 years thinks I should have another
baby so as our
midwife can visit us again and so as
he can be awake to see the birth this
time. I love
this, but dad's not to keen. He offered to pay the
midwife just
to visit, no baby.
So I don't
think it matters how old other children are, just
prepare them as
best you can for the birth and
enjoy the
time.
Cheers
Megan.
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