Hi Sylvia -as you were curious about the effects of co-sleeping on husbands....thought I might tell you of mine... My husband was brought up in a very traditional household - no nudity, no going near parent's bed etc etc. yet he has fathered the complete anti-of his father (thank goodness!!!) We shower and bath with our children, all doors are left open (including toilet)... and he lavishes our boys with lots of kisses, love and his time. We are self-confessed dags - our little family - we do absolutely EVERYTHING together... grocery shopping, collecting our eldest son from school, watching him play sport, training, walks etc etc We also have no real family support - so my husband and I never have time alone - and whenever we go out - it is always with our boys. I breastfeed my children until they are ready to self-wean (still going strong tandem feeding my 2 1/2 yr old and 7 mth old)...with FULL support of my husband ... so, co- sleeping has been pretty much an unsaid natural extension of our parenting.... (ie doing everything together). My husband has NEVER complained about sharing our bed with our children (or even having to sleep in another room and bed when he gets booted out... which is OFTEN) . We have a single bed pushed up to our queen bed. Most nights our nearly 12 yr old sleeps in the single bed (the other nights my husband gets a turn...) and I sleep in the middle of the queen bed with my baby on one side and our 2 yr old on the other. I love having my children sleep with me. having all 3 boys with me, safe and cosy and snuggly all night long. Then there's the giggles and fun when they all awake together - particularly with my 12 yr old and 2 yr old who are extremely close. When my husband is in there too - he loves this also! My husband and I are very in-love and very close... yet we don't have the intimacy that we once had before I was completely exhausted and chronically sleep deprived. My husband sees how exhausted I am... and he is tired too... as our very demanding and non-sleeping 2 1/2 yr old finally drops at 11 pm each night - and this is when we are doing the dishes, washing nappies etc etc. Our sex life is a dire contrast to pre-children... I was the sex goddess... and now I am a PLANT!!! I know he would like to have sex every now and then (and we don't do it in the bedroom, either!) - and will sometimes be not so subtle in hinting... but at the same time -he sees how exhausted I am, and feels sorry for me - so would never push it with me. he also misses cuddling me in bed - but knows that this time of our children being so young, needy and dependant is too short-lived - so accepts that this is how it is NOW but will not always be this way..... I think the only thing that makes my husband frustrated - is the fact that our toddler goes to bed so late - and then we do some housework... which by then, it is around midnight. He would LOVE to have some "me time" for himself to wind down... and some time shared with me. This isn't possible with a wakeful night-owl 2 1/ yr old!!! Your comment "that is not what's supposed to happen" -ie giving your children yourself over your husband during the night - is interesting. I agree that it is important to give time to your husband and your marriage... but it is not always realistic. If our children want me/us in the night - it is and has never been an issue... or even discussed for that matter.. as it has always been an unspoken natural thing foir us to do... and we enjoy being with them in bed at night as much as the children love being with us too... kind regards, Nicole
----- Original Message ----- From: "Sylvia Boutsalis" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> To: <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> Sent: Friday, March 19, 2004 10:10 AM Subject: RE: [ozmidwifery] sleep stuff > I don't mean to be judgmental in relation to co-sleeping but I am > curious about what happens to the couples relationship? I am not a > selfish person but I do regard my bed time to be something shared with > my husband alone. For me having a child in bed turns my attention away > from my partner and intimacy and focuses on my child. That is not what > is supposed to happen. Children take up so much time that it's important > to be able to find time to nurture our own relationship with our > partner, and most of that time is usually at night when the children go > to bed and when we go to bed. Children are an extension of us, not a > replacement of our affections. > > I would be interested to know how the men in your lives are coping with > this arrangement. Are they really into it or have they just accepted > it? > > Sylvia > Mum to Ellie 10, Chris 6 and Evan 4 (who all breastfed, but never > co-slept) > > > -----Original Message----- > From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] > [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Wayne and Cas > Sent: Friday, 19 March 2004 8:48 AM > To: [EMAIL PROTECTED] > Subject: [ozmidwifery] sleep stuff > > > Well, we tried the side car thing last night and he went down without > any hassles at 8.30, then woke up at 10pm so I fed him and gently rolled > him over to the cot and he didn't stir until 5am this morning. So far so > good. It was the best night's sleep I've had in weeks. Thanks for all of > your suggestions. > > I wanted to add though that sleeping with children and babies is not > right for everyone. I don't actually know too many adults or children > that seem affected by the fact their parents made them sleep in a cot > when they were babies. There is a lot more to parenting than whether you > co-sleep or not. Ie. If you don't love your kids unconditionally, no > amount of co-sleeping is going to give the added security a child needs. > I think we are all individuals and so are our children and we just need > to work out what best suits them. When Liam was the same age as Daniel > he was very hands off, didn't want hugs, didn't want the breast a lot > and it hurt me at the time but it was what he needed. Daniel is a > totally different baby. > > I will let you know if our good fortune last night continues. > > Cheers Cas. > > Cas, Wayne, Liam and Daniel McCullough > [EMAIL PROTECTED] > www.casmccullough.com > > > > -- > This mailing list is sponsored by ACE Graphics. > Visit <http://www.acegraphics.com.au> to subscribe or unsubscribe. > > > -- > This mailing list is sponsored by ACE Graphics. > Visit <http://www.acegraphics.com.au> to subscribe or unsubscribe. > -- This mailing list is sponsored by ACE Graphics. Visit <http://www.acegraphics.com.au> to subscribe or unsubscribe.
