Hi, This is a really interesting discussion. Before our first pregnancy I uttered those fatal (and stupid) words "our child will fit in with us, no child will change our lifestyle" (well, probably thought more than said). Well, I was in for a surprise. Our first son Zac, wasn't going to be in that at all (bless him) He survived "sleep school"and demanded co-sleeping. I thank god for his persistance in educating us. We have co-slept with Zac and our 3 other children. In non-scintific research (gossip with my girlfriends) I can relate that Chris *gets it* much more than the average 40 something father of 4. (and more than the average father of one) We love it, and have found co-sleeping no impediment. Chris has alway shared the childcare equally. We both came to the realisation.....the patting, pacing and rocking left us both crazy. Nowadays, we have Cassie 6 and Guan 1 in our bed. They fall asleep in our arms or on the breast and often we transfer them to bed or cot for a while. Or we go to the spare bed, or if the person in our bed is very little we just have sex on the other side of the bed. Sometimes you get a little pair of eyes peeping over the top and we've had a couple of "can we join in too"s (don't report us, they think it's just a cuddle. Or we have sex when the bigger ones are at school or at a friends, and the baby is asleep.
Sylvia, this is not directed at you, but you said " have noticed mn displaying frustrated, hostile feelings because of being left out of the equation once the baby arrives." Is anyone else inclined to say "get a grip"?(to these men) No-one knew how parenting would change their lives. But after 4 children, we are so glad it has. Having a baby wasn't an evil plot to get out of sex (except for 3 times in 10 years) We both signed up to having children. We both co-sleep with them (not just me.) I love Chris more than ever, and he's sussed out what REALLY turns me on - coming home to a clean house and a cooked meal from time to time, not having to clean the toilet because he's done it.. Recently, on another list, we did a strw poll re co-sleeping. Those who remembered sleeping with their parents, or being welcomed into their parents bed whenever they wanted, remembered those times with great love and happiness. Those,like me, ho were forbidden to go to their parents bed remembered the fear of being alone in the dark and knowing they'd be in trouble if they went to their parents bed, and never wanted to inflict that on their own children. Love, Barb Mum of Zac, 10, Dan, 8, Cassie, 6 and Guan 1 Barb ----- Original Message ----- From: "Marilyn Kleidon" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> To: <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> Sent: Saturday, March 20, 2004 11:24 AM Subject: Re: [ozmidwifery] sleep stuff > Hi Sylvia: > > Glad to see you bring this up. I do think it depends on the couples > relationship and the intensity of their sexuality: this varies a lot from > couple to couple. I did not co-sleep with my daughters but had them in the > room in a bassinet (specially make on rockers) beside our bed. I have often > felt guilty that I did not co-sleep having many friends who did. One huge > difference was the level of sexual activity (at least as reported) between > the couples. Most of my friends were not interested in sex too much while > lactating and hadn't been during pregnancy either. My then husband and I > were both very interested and active sexually throughout all 3 pregnancies > and very soon after the births, I guess we were a little like rabbits. I > would have to say that while we certainly christened every room in the > various houses we occupied, probably our most frequent coupling place was > our bed. Just lying beside each other was enough. Yes we would have been > inhibited by having our little girls in bed with us. Our bed was also just a > regular double bed size though my grandmother's restored iron 4 poster and > our bedrooms were pretty small then. So, after the first 6 months or when > the girls outgrew the bassinet, they were in a cot next door with the door > open. I didn't practice controlled crying, just did see the benefit of > establishing a bedtime routine once my first daughter was 18 months and > still awake and overtired at 10 pm. Solved in about 2 weeks with the > establishment of bedtime rituals after tea, rituals which lasted until my > third daughter was 10 to 12 years. I wore my daughters all day in > snugglies/slings whatever was available and worked, demand fed into their > second year when they determined the weaning, none ever had bottles and all > were and are very different. They are all now confident adorable young women > 28yrs, 26 yrs and 23 yrs and so independent. > > My friends who were much less sexually active with their partners often > forgoing intimacy, due to lack of interest for weeks or months also have ado > rable, confident, independent sons and daughters in the same age group. > > We are all now divorced, so I guess sex or the lack of it was not really an > issue at least in our small sample. > > We were all tired and suffered from lack of sufficient sleep and all thought > we were doing the best we could to meet this need. > > marilyn > ----- Original Message ----- > From: "Sylvia Boutsalis" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> > To: <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> > Sent: Thursday, March 18, 2004 3:10 PM > Subject: RE: [ozmidwifery] sleep stuff > > > > I don't mean to be judgmental in relation to co-sleeping but I am > > curious about what happens to the couples relationship? I am not a > > selfish person but I do regard my bed time to be something shared with > > my husband alone. For me having a child in bed turns my attention away > > from my partner and intimacy and focuses on my child. That is not what > > is supposed to happen. Children take up so much time that it's important > > to be able to find time to nurture our own relationship with our > > partner, and most of that time is usually at night when the children go > > to bed and when we go to bed. Children are an extension of us, not a > > replacement of our affections. > > > > I would be interested to know how the men in your lives are coping with > > this arrangement. Are they really into it or have they just accepted > > it? > > > > Sylvia > > Mum to Ellie 10, Chris 6 and Evan 4 (who all breastfed, but never > > co-slept) > > > > > > -----Original Message----- > > From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] > > [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Wayne and Cas > > Sent: Friday, 19 March 2004 8:48 AM > > To: [EMAIL PROTECTED] > > Subject: [ozmidwifery] sleep stuff > > > > > > Well, we tried the side car thing last night and he went down without > > any hassles at 8.30, then woke up at 10pm so I fed him and gently rolled > > him over to the cot and he didn't stir until 5am this morning. So far so > > good. It was the best night's sleep I've had in weeks. Thanks for all of > > your suggestions. > > > > I wanted to add though that sleeping with children and babies is not > > right for everyone. I don't actually know too many adults or children > > that seem affected by the fact their parents made them sleep in a cot > > when they were babies. There is a lot more to parenting than whether you > > co-sleep or not. Ie. If you don't love your kids unconditionally, no > > amount of co-sleeping is going to give the added security a child needs. > > I think we are all individuals and so are our children and we just need > > to work out what best suits them. When Liam was the same age as Daniel > > he was very hands off, didn't want hugs, didn't want the breast a lot > > and it hurt me at the time but it was what he needed. Daniel is a > > totally different baby. > > > > I will let you know if our good fortune last night continues. > > > > Cheers Cas. > > > > Cas, Wayne, Liam and Daniel McCullough > > [EMAIL PROTECTED] > > www.casmccullough.com > > > > > > > > -- > > This mailing list is sponsored by ACE Graphics. > > Visit <http://www.acegraphics.com.au> to subscribe or unsubscribe. > > > > > > -- > > This mailing list is sponsored by ACE Graphics. > > Visit <http://www.acegraphics.com.au> to subscribe or unsubscribe. > > > > > -- > This mailing list is sponsored by ACE Graphics. > Visit <http://www.acegraphics.com.au> to subscribe or unsubscribe. > > -- This mailing list is sponsored by ACE Graphics. Visit <http://www.acegraphics.com.au> to subscribe or unsubscribe.
