Bush Awards Himself the Medal of Freedom
By Bernard Weiner
The Crisis Papers
http://www.scoop.co.nz/stories/HL0608/S00263.htm
In a ceremony that took place in the White House underground
bunker, Mr. Bush today awarded the Medal of Freedom to Vice
President Dick Cheney, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld,
Secretary of State Condaleezza Rice, Attorney General Alberto
Gonzales, Chief Policy Advisor Karl Rove, and himself.
"In addition to previous honorees Gen. Tommy Franks, CIA director
George Tenet and Iraq administrator L. Paul Bremer, nobody has
been more responsible for the successful policies of this Administration,
both here and abroad, than these fine, dedicated public servants,"
Bush told a hastily-called news conference. "In all my years
in office, I have never seen so many people work so hard to
bring us to where we are today -- a respected leader in the
world, and a country where all citizens are happily supportive
of our policies.
"Well, yes, there were a few carpers and critics out there who
called our military/foreign policy a failure, and accused us
of going outside the Constitution to protect the lives and property
of all American citizens from the Islamic fascists who are trying
to kill us. But most of those terrorist-supporting nay-sayers
have now been moved into FEMA's re-education camps, and we expect
and hope they will rejoin their normal, law-abiding fellow citizens
with a new, positive attitude.
"Naming myself as an honoree may seem self-serving to some, but
I take this action to demonstrate to the public my confidence
in my policies. Further, today I have ordered myself to conduct
a thorough investigation of any possible mistakes or wrongdoing
that I may have committed; a report has been submitted by me
and is now on my desk, and without giving away too much, I was
delighted to read that it completely exonerates me."
LIBBY & ROVE GET A WALK
Bush also announced that he had granted a full pardon to I. Lewis
("Scooter") Libby, whose trial was scheduled to begin early
next year.
Libby -- Cheney's former chief of staff and national security
advisor, and special assistant to the President -- was indicted
by special prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald in the case of Valerie
Plame Wilson. The covert CIA agent's identity was made public
by White House officials (widely believed to include Libby and
Rove) when her husband publicly said Bush had twisted intelligence
to support going to war against Iraq. Libby was facing charges
of lying and obstructing justice in the case; Rove may still
be under investigation, but Bush said he pardoned him pre-emptively,
"just in case."
"I took this action today," Bush said, "because both Mr. Libby
and Mr. Rove are loyal patriots, who were only following orders
from me to do everything possible to ensure that our war against
the terrorists in Iraq went smoothly. As Commander-in-Chief,
I am authorized to declassify information, and I did so and
properly told Mr. Libby in particular to offer such information
to the press as part of a national security operation.
"Ms. Plame and her husband, who attempted to obstruct our war
aims and thus aided and abetted our enemies, have been detained
and rendered to a secure location, where they will stay until
the war on terrorism has been won.
"The pardon of Mr. Libby and of Mr. Rove will ensure that classified
details about our war on terrorism will not make their way into
the court record and the press. I must protect the secrets of
this administration since they all touch on highly sensitive
national-security matters. Mr. Libby will join my staff as a
special national security adviser. Remember, this all has to
do with national-security."
"I will now answer a few questions. David?"
VOTERS MOVING TO DEMOCRATS?
Question: Mr. President, the midterm elections are just a few
months away. Are you worried that these aggressive moves against
your political opponents may influence many middle-of-the-road
voters to move toward the Democratic candidates rather than
stick with your party, which many moderate conservatives find
to be too extreme?
Bush: The American people have demonstrated, by not demonstrating,
that they are behind our policies 100%. They understand that
whatever actions I take are taken for the good of the country
and all of our good citizens. They will not change buses in
the middle of a stream of war, I mean not change horses in a
time of great battle, during wartime. Everything changed on
9/11, except the Democrat Party, which continues to clearly
demonstrate that they are on the side of al-Qaida.
Question: A follow-up first, if I may, Mr. President. Virtually
all the polls in recent months indicate that it's not just the
Democrats who believe Iraq is a disaster and was a terrible
mistake -- about two-thirds of the American people believe that
and are ready for some sort of plan for withdrawal. Are you
saying that all those citizens are doing al-Qaida's work, that
they all are un-American by speaking out?
Bush: Not at all, David. The terrorists hate us for our freedoms,
you know, and one of the most important is freedom of speech.
Everyone has the right to speak out. But you have to watch what
you say, because the terrorists are listening and will act accordingly.
So if you have something critical to say, I advise you to think
twice before saying it, or anything. Loose lips sink boats;
loose talk helps boats go aground -- you know what I mean. Helen?
NO MONARCHS IN AMERICA
Question: A federal district court judge has accused you of behaving
like a king in authorizing the National Security Agency to conduct
warrantless eavesdropping on American citizens' phone calls
and emails -- which conceivably could mean listening in on your
political enemies. Can the American people be assured that you
will obey the law and honor the court's decision?
Bush: This is another bad decision by an activist judge, one
appointed by a Democrat, I might add. But this ruling cannot
be allowed to stand, since our terrorist-surveillance program
is aimed at terrorists. So those who we choose to spy on must
be terrorists or in cahoots with terrorists. We are taking this
un-American decision to the appeals court and, if we don't win
there, to the U.S. Supreme Court where we are confident that
more patriotic activist judges will rule in our favor. In the
meantime, we will carry on our listening-in program because
we need to know what the terrorists know. American citizens can
be assured that we only intrude on their privacy when it is
absolutely necessary, like when they make or receive phone calls
or emails.
Question: A follow-up about the spying, Mr. President. The Supreme
Court told you that your treatment of detainees is unconstitutional,
and now another federal court has decreed that your domestic
spying program is unconstitutional. But you are leaning on Congress
to grant you absolution for your illegal behaviors and to authorize
you to carry them into the future. You once said you wouldn't
mind a dictator system of government as long as you could be
the dictator. Don't your actions lend credence to the idea that
you're trying to establish yourself as a dictator in our democracy?
Bush: Helen, the answer to your long speech and to your question
is No. Jeff?
NOBODY IS ABOVE THE LAW, EXCEPT...
Question: Various bloggers and even reporters in this room don't
hesitate to ask vicious, partisan questions to the President
of the United States of America. Isn't there something the government
can do to rein in the internet crazies and traitorous reporters?
Bush: Freedom of the press always must be respected. But this
is wartime and members of the media must be especially careful
not to step over the line of lawful questioning to insulting
The Leader. Nobody is above the law in this country -- except
me, of course; since I am the final decider on the law, any
action I take to protect Americans is legal. Reporters and judges
should remember that before they open their mouths. Another
question. Wolf?
THE CEASE-FIRE ROUNDABOUT
Question: Your Administration has been roundly criticized for
not moving quicker to stop the destruction and deaths in Lebanon.
One critic said your policy seemed to be not to support a cease-fire
until there were no more deaths in the war, but a cease-fire
is supposed to interpose itself between the warring parties
so there won't be any more deaths. Can you explain your rationale,
sir?
Bush: We didn't want to support a cease-fire without going to
the root causes of the war in the first place. We--
Question: So you wanted to try to solve Palestinian/Israeli conflict
first?
Bush: No. By "root causes," I meant that Syria and Iran were
using Hezbollah to exacer--, to extrawariate, to attack Israel,
the one democracy in the Middle East. So we wanted there to
be a quieting down of the situation before we supported a cease-fire
in Lebanon to quiet down the situation. I mean --
Voice: Thank you, Mr. President.
*************
Bernard Weiner, a poet and playwright, has written a great many
satires and parodies ( www.crisispapers.org/weinerpubs.htm
) about the Bush Administration. A Ph.D. in government & international
relations, he has taught at various universities, worked as
a writer/editor with the San Francisco Chronicle, and currently
co-edits The Crisis Papers ( www.crisispapers.org).
