One Mo': An engineer dies and is sent to hell. He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly. The moving walkway motor jammed, so he un-jams it. People can get from place to place more easily. The TV was grainy and unclear, so he fixes the connection to the Satellite dish and now they get hundreds of high def channels. One day, God decides to look down on Hell to see how his grand design is working out and notices that everyone is happy and enjoying umbrella drinks. He asks the Devil what's up? The Devil says, "Things are great down here since you sent us an engineer." "What?" says God. "An engineer? I didn't send you one of those. That must have been a mistake. Send him upstairs immediately." The Devil responds, "No way. We want to keep our engineer. We like him." God demands, "If you don't send him to me immediately, I'll sue!" The Devil laughs. "Where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
On Mon, Mar 20, 2017 at 6:19 PM, geoffrey theist <[email protected]> wrote: > True > > On Mar 20, 2017 4:00 PM, "Travis" <[email protected]> wrote: > >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> *Understanding Engineers #1* >> >> Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when >> one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" >> >> The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, >> minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, >> threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what >> you want." >> >> The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The >> clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway." >> >> >> *Understanding Engineers #2* >> >> To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass >> is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs >> to be. >> >> >> *Understanding Engineers #3* >> >> A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a >> particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with >> those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" >> >> The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" >> >> The priest said, "Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with >> him." He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of >> us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" >> >> The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. >> They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so >> we always let them play for free anytime!." >> >> The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I >> think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." >> >> The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist >> colleague and see if there's anything she can do for them." >> >> The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?" >> >> >> *Understanding Engineers #4* >> >> What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? >> >> Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets. >> >> >> *Understanding Engineers #5* >> >> The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" >> >> The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" >> >> The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" >> >> The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?" >> >> >> *Understanding Engineers #6* >> >> Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must >> have designed the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. >> Just look at all the joints." >> >> Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system >> has many thousands of electrical connections." >> >> The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. >> Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational >> area?" >> >> >> *Understanding Engineers #7* >> >> Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers >> believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet. >> >> >> *Understanding Engineers #8* >> >> An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him >> and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He >> bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog >> spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a >> beautiful princess and stay with you for one week." >> >> The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and >> returned it to the pocket. >> >> The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a >> princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want." >> >> Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back >> into his pocket. >> >> Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a >> beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do >> anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" >> >> The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a >> girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool." >> >> >> >> *Two engineers???* >> >> Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its >> top A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. >> >> "We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said one, "but >> we don't have a ladder." >> >> The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, >> and laid the pole down on the ground Then she took a tape measure >> from her pocketbook, took a measurement, and announced, "Twenty one >> feet, six inches," and walked away. >> >> One engineer shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that does us. >> We ask for the height and she gives us the length!" >> >> Both engineers have since quit their engineering jobs and are >> currently serving in the United States Congress. >> >> >> ------------------------------ >> [image: Avast logo] <https://www.avast.com/antivirus> >> >> This email has been checked for viruses by Avast antivirus software. >> www.avast.com <https://www.avast.com/antivirus> >> >> >> >> __._,_.___ >> ------------------------------ >> Posted by: "Beowulf" <[email protected]> >> ------------------------------ >> >> >> Visit Your Group >> <https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/grendelreport/info;_ylc=X3oDMTJmaTVlb2dnBF9TAzk3MzU5NzE0BGdycElkAzIwMTk0ODA2BGdycHNwSWQDMTcwNTMyMzY2NwRzZWMDdnRsBHNsawN2Z2hwBHN0aW1lAzE0OTAwMjU5NDg-> >> >> >> [image: Yahoo! 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