From: Travis
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From: Chuck Shepherd
Date: Sun, Jan 25, 2009
Subject: News of the Weird, January 25, 2009
WEIRDNUZ.M094 (News of the Weird, January 25, 2009)
by Chuck Shepherd
Copyright 2009 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.
Lead Story
* They're either earnestly civic-minded or people with issues, but
in several dozen cities across the country, men (and a few women)
dress in homemade superhero costumes and patrol marginal
neighborhoods, aiming to deter crime. Phoenix's Green Scorpion,
and New York City's Terrifica, and Orlando's Master Legend, and
Indianapolis's Mr. Silent, are just a few of the 200 gunless,
knifeless vigilantes listed on the World Superhero Registry, most
presumably with day jobs but who fancy cleaning up the mean
streets at night. According to two recent reports (in Rolling Stone
and The Times of London), unanticipated gripes by the "Reals," as
they call themselves, are boredom, from lack of crime, and
(especially in the summer) itchy spandex outfits. [Rolling Stone,
12-25-08; The Times, 12-28-08]
Leading Economic Indicators
* People with Too Much Money: (1) The owner of a local ski shop
told the Vail (Colo.) Daily in November that he was confident he
could sell his parking space in a town garage for his asking price of
$500,000. After all, he said, it was on the top floor and next to an
exit. (2) The upscale residents of Gate Mills, Ohio, near
Cleveland, are so grateful to their town's 61 government employees
that they volunteered $50,000 in holiday tips in December. [Rocky
Mountain News-Vail Daily, 11-24-08] [Fox News-AP, 12-22-08]
* Among the best-selling and most controversial toys of this past
holiday season were the $39.95 Mattel "Gotta Go" Doll and the
$59.95 Hasbro Baby Alive, both because of their interactive
features, especially their digestion/excretion functions. The latter
doll comes with its own food ("green beans," "bananas") and a
warning ("May stain some surfaces"). The Gotta Go includes a
toilet and brings the flushing process to life for the child. An
industry insider told the Washington Post that next season's toys
would be even more realistic. [Washington Post, 12-22-08]
* The Economy in Crisis: (1) The Platinum Lounge, a lap-dancing
club in Chester, England, announced in November that it would
begin selling advertising, in 4-inch by 6-inch body-paint squares,
on dancers' derrieres. Said the club's agent, "I had to do a lot of
research . . . to come up with the optimum size for the [ads]!" (2)
In the midst of widespread unemployment in Sweden, the Haxriket
i Norden company announced in November it would hire 20
professional witches well-versed in tarots, crystals, herbs,
exorcism, and "contact with the other side," in the expectation that
desperate consumers increasingly would require counseling.
[Chester Chronicle, 11-24-08] [The Local (Stockholm), 11-18-08]
* Although to many outsiders, the concept of "clothing" on Muslim
women suggests full-body veils, many married women in Syria are
decidedly more playful, feeding a market for daring and quixotic
underwear (to be worn in private, of course, and only for one's
husband). Musical panties (some that glow in the dark); bras with
"hands" covering the cups; and underwear designed to collapse and
fall to the floor at the sound of hands clapping are just three of the
popular items at boutique shops, according to a December BBC
News dispatch from Damascus. [BBC News, 12-16-08]
Cutting-Edge Science
* Ewww, Gross! Two brain surgeons in the western U.S. admitted
that recent operations had shaken them up, though both said the
patients have since been doing nicely. Dr. Peter Nakaji, expecting
to find a dreaded tumor in the brain of a woman in Phoenix, was
heard on video of the surgery chuckling when he realized the
problem was merely a worm on the brain stem (probably acquired
from poor sanitation). And in December, a three-day-old infant
was doing well in Colorado Springs following the discovery and
removal of a tiny, almost-perfectly-formed foot from his brain by
Dr. Paul Grabb. [Fox News, 11-20-08] [KMGH-TV (Denver), 12-
17-08]
* More than 1,000 new animal species were discovered in the last
decade in the area surrounding the Mekong River that runs through
Myanmar, Cambodia, Laos, Thailand, and Vietnam, including
striped rabbits and a spider bigger than a dinner plate. Also found
was a pink millipede that secretes cyanide, according to a
December World Wildlife Federation report. [The Times
(London), 12-15-08]
Fine Points of the Law
* In November, a jury acquitted Ms. Johnnie Miles, 42, of $7,500
worth of fraudulent credit-card transactions against a store in Vero
Beach, Fla., and Miles assumed she had thus earned her freedom.
However, Judge Dan Vaughn apparently considered Miles a
disreputable rip-off artist (even though technically not guilty of
"fraud") and used her schemings to convict her of violating
probation on an earlier case. Florida law permits such collateral
use of a defendant's behavior, and Vaughn sentenced Miles to five
years on each of 11 probation violations, to be served
consecutively. [Scripps Newspapers (Stuart, Fla.), 12-13-08]
Recurring Themes
* On successive days in January in two towns in Britain, loners in
their 70s were reported dead from dehydration in their homes after
becoming trapped in monstrous labyrinths of, in one case, hoarded
garbage and in the other, hoarded but unopened merchandise.
Gordon Stewart, 74, was found dead in a tunnel system he had
arranged from several tons of refuse in his house in Broughton,
Buckinghamshire, and compulsive shopper Joan Cunnane, 77, was
buried under so much merchandise and rubbish that it took
rescuers in Heaton Mersey two days to locate her body. [Daily
Mail, 1-7-09, 1-8-09]
Least Competent Criminals
* Failed to Keep a Low Profile: If a motorist is carrying $18,000
worth of marijuana, he might try to avoid attracting attention (and
not go the wrong way on a one-way street, as Samuel Randall, 27,
did in Chicago in January). Or if carrying a duffel bag full of
marijuana, not driving around in a car that lacked license plates,
like the four women arrested in San Antonio, Tex., in November.
Or if there are 78 marijuana plants in the back seat, making sure
that her car had a valid state inspection sticker, unlike Tracy
Pioggia, in Hampden, Mass., in October. [WBBM Radio
(Chicago), 1-4-09] [San Antonio Express-News, 11-11-08] [The
Republican (Springfield), 10-16-08]
* Wrong Place, Wrong Time: Torvald Alexander, 39, was able to
chase away the unlucky home invader who hit his apartment on
December 31st in Edinburgh, Scotland, according to a BBC News
report. The two men inadvertently came face to face just as
Alexander was preparing to leave for a New Year's party, dressed
in full regalia as Thor, the hammer-wielding Norse god of thunder.
Alexander said the burglar took one look at him, turned and
climbed hurriedly out a window, sliding down a sloped roof and
landing on the ground, where he took off running. [BBC News, 1-
2-09]
Undignified Deaths
* A 77-year-old man was crushed to death in October while
visiting his parents' gravesite at the St. Gregoire Cemetery in
Buckingham, Quebec, when a tombstone fell on him. And in
November, a 67-year-old woman was killed in southern Brazil, on
her way to the cemetery following her husband's funeral. She was
a front-seat passenger in the hearse when another vehicle collided
with it, slamming her husband's coffin forward and crushing the
woman's skull. [Canadian Broadcasting Corp. News, 10-14-08]
[Montreal Gazette-Reuters, 11-11-08]
A News of the Weird Classic (July 1999)
* Walt and Kathy Viggiano of Wichita, Kan., convinced Judge
James Burgess to return their four children from foster care in
1999, following their removal the year before because of the
unsanitariness of the family's mobile home. Unlike in many such
cases, Judge Burgess realized that the Viggianos had not abused
the kids, nor did they have alcohol or drug problems. Also,
according to police who made the initial investigation, Walt and
the kids seemed to speak warmly and lovingly with each other,
even though their intra-family banter in the presence of the
investigators appeared to be entirely in Klingon (from "Star Trek").
[Wichita Eagle, 7-11-99, 12-2-98]
Thanks This Week to Tom Barker, Peter Hine, Kathryn
Wood, Brittany Pope, Sandy Pearlman, Stephanie Kerns, Kurt
Knochel, Scott Schrier, Steve Dunn, Ken Berkun, Jessica Hanson,
Theresa McRoberts, Stephen Taylor, Nancy Cooper, Jennifer
Bourgeois, Jakob Derksen, Janet Carey, and John Barnes, and to
many contributors of the Thor and Brazilian hearse stories, and to
the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.
* * * * *
Visit Chuck Shepherd daily at
http://www.WeirdUniverse.net <http://www.weirduniverse.net/> (or
www.NewsoftheWeird.com <http://www.newsoftheweird.com/>) or
mail [email protected] / P.O. Box 18737, Tampa FL
33629.
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