An actual letter to the passport office:
Dear sir,
I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this. How
is it that Radio Shack has my address and telephone number and knows that I
bought a t.v. cable from them back in 1997, and yet, the Federal Government is
still asking me where I was born and on what date.
For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand? My birth date you have on my
social security card, and it is on all the income tax forms I've filed for the
past 30 years. It is on my health insurance card, my driver's license, on the
last eight goddamn passports I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration
forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the planes over the last 30
years, and all those insufferable census forms that are done at election times.
Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is
Maryanne, my father's name is Robert and I'd be absolutely astounded if that
ever changed between now and when I die!!!!!!
I apologize, I'm really pissed off this morning. Between you and me, I've had
enough of this bullshit! You send the application to my house, then you ask me
for my damn address. What is going on? You have a gang of Neanderthal assholes
working there! Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want
to dig up Yasser Arafat, for shit sakes. I just want to go and park my ass on a
sandy beach. And would someone please tell me, why would you give a shit
whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge
to do something weird to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, I'd sure as hell
not want to tell anyone! Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the
other end of the city and get another copy of my birth certificate, to the tune
of $60. Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to
assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day? ? Nooooo, that'd be too
damn easy and maybe makes sense . You'd rather have us running all over the
f------ place like chickens with our heads cut off, then find some asshole to
confirm that its really me on the goddamn picture - you know, the one where
we're not allowed to smile?! (f.... morons)
Hey, you know why we can't smile? We're totally pissed off!
An Irate Citizen.
P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture and getting someone to
confirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in this country since 1776 . I
have served in the military for over 30 years and have had security clearances
up the yingyang. However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am
- you know, someone like my doctor WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN COMMUNIST f------
CHINA
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