BRITISH HUMOR -- is not funny. examples:
The rest of the top 10 was as follows- 2. “I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.” 3. “Dyslexic man walks into a bra.” 4. A young blond woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blond responds to the husband, “Shut up…you’re next!” 5. A classic Tommy Cooper gag: “I said to the Gym instructor “Can you teach me to do the splits?” He said, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t make Tuesdays.” 6. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one – and let the other one off. 7. Two aerials meet on a roof – fall in love – get married. The ceremony was rubbish – but the reception was brilliant. 8. Doc, I can’t stop singing the ‘Green Green Grass of Home’. He said: ‘That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome’. ‘Is it common?’ I asked. ‘It’s not unusual,’ he replied. 9. “I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.” 10. A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: “Pint please, and one for the road.” Read more: http://newsfeed.time.com/2010/10/22/sample-some-british-humour-the-official-list-of-the-best-british-jokes/#ixzz2cjWsHb9I On Thursday, August 22, 2013 3:14:40 PM UTC-5, Travis wrote: > > > > > > > > > > **** > > > > *BRITISH HUMOR IS DIFFERENT* **** > > **** > > *These are classified ads which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:** > *** > > **** > > *FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.***** > > *8 years old, Hateful little bastard. Bites! FREE PUPPIES***** > > *1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.***** > > *________________________________________________***** > > *FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.***** > > *Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound..***** > > *_______________________________________________________***** > > *COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale.***** > > __________________________*_________________________________***** > > *JOINING NUDIST COLONY!***** > > *Must sell washer and dryer £100.***** > > *_____________________________________________________________***** > > *WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .***** > > *Worn once by mistake.***** > > *Call Stephanie.***** > > *___________________________________________________________***** > > *And the WINNER is...***** > > **** > > *FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes.** > *** > > *Excellent condition, £200 or best offer.***** > > *No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.***** > > **** > > *____________________________________________________________***** > > **** > > *CHILDERN ARE QUICK***** > > **** > > *TEACHER: Why are you late?***** > > *STUDENT: Class started before I got here.***** > > *____________________________________***** > > *TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?** > *** > > *JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.***** > > *__________________________________________***** > > *TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'** > *** > > *TEACHER: No, that's wrong***** > > *GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.***** > > *(I Love this child)***** > > *____________________________________________***** > > *TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?***** > > *DONALD: H I J K L M N O.***** > > *TEACHER: What are you talking about?***** > > *DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.***** > > *__________________________________***** > > *TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't > have ten years ago.***** > > *WINNIE: Me!***** > > *__________________________________________***** > > *TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?***** > > *GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.***** > > *_______________________________________***** > > *TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '***** > > *MILLIE: I is..***** > > *TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'***** > > *MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'***** > > *________________________________***** > > *TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry > tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't > punish him?***** > > *LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand......***** > > *______________________________________***** > > *TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?* > **** > > *SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.***** > > *______________________________***** > > *TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as > your brother's.. Did you copy his?***** > > *CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.***** > > **** > > *(I want to adopt this kid!!!)***** > > *___________________________________***** > > *TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when > people are no longer interested?***** > > *HAROLD: A teacher***** > > *__________________________________***** > > **** > > *PASS IT AROUND AND MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH***** > > **** > > *Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel > has been turned off.***** > > **** > > **** > > > **** > > **** > > > > __._,_.___ > > > > > > > __,_._,___ > > > -- -- Thanks for being part of "PoliticalForum" at Google Groups. For options & help see http://groups.google.com/group/PoliticalForum * Visit our other community at http://www.PoliticalForum.com/ * It's active and moderated. Register and vote in our polls. * Read the latest breaking news, and more. --- You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "PoliticalForum" group. 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