"Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit
salad."
I got this gem from an email full of Paraprosdokians.
Para-what? you ask?
A Paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is
surprising or
unexpected in a way that causes the reader, or listener to reframe or
reinterpret the first part.
Here are some others:
Ø I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I
stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Ø Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and
beat you with experience.
Ø I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not
screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Ø Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing
in a garage makes you a car.
Ø The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
Ø Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear
bright until you hear them speak.
Ø If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
Ø We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
Ø War does not determine who is right -- only who is left.
Ø The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the
cheese.
Ø Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening,' and then
proceed to tell you why it isn't.
Ø To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is
research.
Ø A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train
stops. My desk is a work station.
Ø I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted paycheques
Ø Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an
emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR."
Ø I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
Ø Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion
stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Ø Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street
with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy.
Ø Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a
successful man is usually another woman.
Ø A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Ø You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to
skydive twice.
Ø A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way
that you will look forward to the trip
Ø Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if
you wish they were.
Ø Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
Ø I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
Ø When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire
Department usually uses water.
Ø You're never too old to learn something stupid.
Ø Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Ø Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Cheers
Rex
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