That's how I am feeling now. I'm still stuck in bed. I was up a few weeks in rehab since May. I've got my mother here complaining about her problems constantly but doesn't seem to have compassion for me and complains about how much I eat. I eat twice a day and it's usually toast or a muffin in the morning. She does have problems and has no problem making me feel guilty but I also offered to go to a nursing home until I could get on my "feet" and she said she could do it. Today she said she wants to just quit but says she cant do "this" all of the time. She has me crying often by making me feel bad. Accusing me of not trying. I do free weights in bed as much as I can or handle but that isn't enough for her I guess.
I often wish I didn't survive in the first place. I want to just blurt out that I should just have the brain damage they thought I was going to have then I'd be put away and she can just forget me. It hurts because my one brother is in prison and my older brother pretty much has nothng to do with any of us but they can do no wrong. My brother in prison got moved to the other side of the state and my mom tells me she feels like she is losing all of us right in front of me. I said something about having kids b'c I dont think I want to risk pregnancy with my spine the way it is and she said look where kids got me "one's in prison, one's dead, one doesn't call, and you are in the hospital." I know she cares. If she didn't, she wouldn't be here but she can say the most hurtful things. I'm at a loss of what to do. If I told her she can't help me anymore then should would lose money bc of the waiver but then I could get someone that could do the job and get me out of bed. If I did that then she would have to completely move back in and I can't handle that at all. When she was living here we fought constantly and I can only bite my tounge for so long. Stacy ----- Original Message ---- From: Danny Espinoza <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> To: Stacy Harim <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>; [EMAIL PROTECTED]; quad-list@eskimo.com Sent: Monday, October 15, 2007 11:35:00 AM Subject: RE: [QUAD-L] Brother wants me in a home I hope my family wont do that to me…… I feel like such a burden on them…. Sometimes I wish I let them pull the plug…… Danny Espinoza 24/m/California Occupation before accident - Network engineer / SR. Network security engineer Broke c2,c6,c7 and doner bone at c2 TBI from blood going to central cortex from spinal cord off a vent "woohoo" however only one diaphragm works right now "due to asymmetric SCI" http://www.myspace.com/DannyLNX From: Stacy Harim [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] Sent: Monday, October 15, 2007 6:23 AM To: [EMAIL PROTECTED]; quad-list@eskimo.com Subject: Re: [QUAD-L] Brother wants me in a home I know what you mean about availability of caregivers. It's horrible here. I got my extra hours approved but I can't find anyone willing to drive 30 miles for the 2 hours in the morning and at night. I'm so frustrated that I've been in bed so long unecessarily. I had the pleasure of being up for inpatient rehab for almost 2 weeks since May. Another summer gone. I'm sorry about your brother. Even family can be very selfish. My older brother didn't even call when he found out that I broke my back and spent time in the hospital. He talked to my mom once and that is when he found out. You'd think after almost losing us, they would be a little more grateful that we are alive. Stacy ----- Original Message ---- From: "[EMAIL PROTECTED]" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> To: quad-list@eskimo.com Sent: Wednesday, October 10, 2007 7:44:42 PM Subject: [QUAD-L] Brother wants me in a home It's the second time he (older brother) has brought this up in less then 4 months. (I'd hate to see what he'll do if his wife or children were like this.) With that said, my folks and myself included no longer want him here. He is just so fixed on what others in my family are doing to help. Like God for bid he does anymore then someone else in the family...and that to boot was rare. Not to mention my twin just got his schedule changed at his job due to the advancement in his position. It put him from night shift to morning shift. So, now I face a big dilemma in my life because my folks are older and cannot do everything for me. i.e.; getting me in and out of bed. But I've looked around for grants or financial assistants to help me pay for a one rail ceiling lift so it would be less stressful on whomever had to transfer me. Any suggestion would help please... Keith/34/C4-5/NJ PS. It's crazy to think that I'd be fighting my family to stay in the community, but that's my luck. Plus, the PCA availability stinks in my area not to mention I just get max 21 hours. See what's new at AOL.com and Make AOL Your Homepage. Building a website is a piece of cake. Yahoo! Small Business gives you all the tools to get online. __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around http://mail.yahoo.com
