Joe, Joe, Joe... One. At. A. Time.
Slef E. ----- Original Message ----- From: "Joe Goodson" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> To: "RollTideFan - University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> Sent: Saturday, September 11, 2004 9:00 AM Subject: Re: [RollTideFan] From The Neal Boortz Website.... > What do you call a lawyer with an I. Q. of 50? Your honor. > > What do you call a lawyer whose gone bad? Senator. > > What is the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline? You take off your > shoes to jump on a trampoline! > > In front of you stand four men: Adolf Hitler, Idi Amin, Saddam Hussein and a > lawyer. You are holding a gun which contains only three bullets. Who do you > shoot? > Use all three bullets on the lawyer. > > What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start! > > How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? His lips are moving. > > What is the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in > the road? > There are skid marks in front of the dog. > > What is the difference between a dead lawyer and a squished skunk in the > road? > > The vultures will eat the skunk. > > What is the difference between a lawyer and a skunk? Nobody wants to hit a > skunk. > > Why won't vultures eat dead lawyers? > There are some things that would gag even a vulture. > > What is the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? The lawyer gets > frequent flyer miles. > > What do you do if you run over a lawyer? Back over him to make sure. Then, > make another notch on the steering wheel. > > Why won't sharks attack lawyers? > Professional courtesy. > > What do have have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand? Not enough > sand. > > When lawyers die, why are they buried in a hole 24 feet deep? Because down > deep, they are all nice guys! > > How do you get a lawyer out of a tree? > Cut the rope. > > Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer? A1: Take your foot off his head. > A2: No. Good! > > How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? Shoot him before he hits the water. > > What is the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit? The bucket. > > What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")? When a busload > of lawyers goes off a cliff. > > What is the definition of a "crying shame"? There was an empty seat. > > How do you kill 4000 lawyers? > You build a new Titanic and declare it cannot sink. > > What's the strongest argument against both theories of origin? Politicians > and lawyers. Who in their right mind would create (or evolve into) these > species? > > If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one > of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper? > > How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus? Never enough. > > Have you heard about the lawyers word processor? No matter what font you > select, everything come out in fine print. > > What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer? An offer you > can't understand. > > What do you buy a friend graduating from Law School? A lobotomy. > > What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer? One's a > bottom-crawling scum sucker and the other's just a fish. > > What is the difference between a female lawyer and a catfish? One's slimey > and has whiskers, and the other one lives in the water. > > How do you know when your divorce is getting ugly? When your lawyer doesn't > seem like a bloodsucking leech anymore. > > What is the difference between a lawyer and a leech? A leech will let go and > drop off when its victim dies. > > What is the difference between a lawyer and a dalmation? A dalmation knows > when to stop chasing the ambulance. > > What do slime molds have more of than lawyers? Respect. > > What does molds, ooze, and lawyers have in common? They're all slime. > > Why did the lawyer cross the road? > To get to the car accident on the other side. > > What are some of the requirements in becoming a lawyer? You must be able to > get muggers, rapists, and pope abusers off the hook, and must have at least > one relative who works at IBM. > > What kind of lure must you use if you want to attract lawyers so as to shoot > them? > You may use any as long as it yells every once in a while "I'm gonna sue!" > or "Help, I've fallen and I can't get up!" > > What would happen if you lock a cannibal in a room full of lawyers? He would > starve to death. > > Why don't hyenas eat lawyers? > Even hyenas have some dignity. > > What do you call an honest lawyer? > An impossibility. > > What do you get when you cross a lawyer with another lawyer? Nothing. There > are some things that not even nature can permit. > > Why didn't the circus clown feel so bad about his career? At least he wasn't > a lawyer. > > What is the difference between pigs and lawyers. You can learn to respect a > pig. > > What is the difference between baseball and law? In baseball, if you're > caught stealing, you're out. > > Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers? He threatened > to release one every hour if his demands weren't met. > > Why didn't the doctor (any other profession) pay the rent on his outhouse? > He didn't like the lawyer living downstairs. > > Who do lawyers never take their cats to the beach? Their cats keep trying to > bury them with sand. > > What does a lawyer and a sperm have in common? Both have about a one in 3 > million chance of becoming a human being. > > Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses? From chasing parked > ambulances. > > Where can you find a good lawyer? > In the cemetery. > > What do lawyers use as contraceptives? > Their personalities. > > What is the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? The lawyer > charges more. > > What happened to the lawyer who was thrown out of a saloon? He was > disbarred. > > What is the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? A vampire only sucks > blood at night. > > If a vampire bites a lawyer, isn't that cannibalism? > > What is brown and black and looks good on a lawyer? A doberman. > > What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster? When a rooster wakes > up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance. > > What is the difference between yogurt and the American Bar Association? > Yogurt has culture. > > How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb? Heck, you need > 250 just to lobby for the research grant. > > If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him? It might > be your bicycle. > > Why does California have so many lawyers and New Jersey have so many toxic > waste dumps? > New Jersey got to pick first. > > Did you hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers? > It's called, Sosumi. > > Did you hear that the post office had to recall its series of stamps > depicting famous lawyers? > People couldn't decide which side to spit on. > > Did you hear about the two Indian lawyers who formed a partnership, Cachem > and Sioux? > > Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking > down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar > bill. Who gets it? > The old drunk, of course, the other three are mythological creatures. > > What is the ideal weight of a lawyer? > About three pounds, including the urn > > Excessive taxation. will carry reason and reflection to every man's door, > and particularly in the hour of election. > - Thomas Jefferson, letter to John Taylor, 1798 > > > ----- Original Message ----- > From: "Jeff Todd" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> > To: "RollTideFan - University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List" > <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> > Sent: Saturday, September 11, 2004 12:37 AM > Subject: Re: [RollTideFan] From The Neal Boortz Website.... > > > > > > ----- Original Message ----- > > From: "Joe Goodson" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> > > To: "RollTideFan - University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List" > <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> > > Sent: Saturday, September 11, 2004 12:32 AM > > Subject: Re: [RollTideFan] From The Neal Boortz Website.... > > > > > > > If the lawyers trying to get around it are not bad enough....you have > > > activist judges who just make shit up as they go...totally IGNORING the > > > Constitution. > > > > Judges who are, OH, BY THE WAY, lawyers themslef's! > > > > Slef E. > > > > > > ______________________________________________________ > > RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List > > > > Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! > > > > To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit > > http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net > > > > New AOL.com addresses are NOT allowed on this list. Get a real ISP. > > > > > > > > > ______________________________________________________ > RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List > > Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! > > To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit > http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net > > New AOL.com addresses are NOT allowed on this list. Get a real ISP. > > > ______________________________________________________ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net New AOL.com addresses are NOT allowed on this list. Get a real ISP.
