>   :user_name => "u...@mydomain.com", # is this the email address from
> which I'm sending mail?

It's the login for that email account (generally the email address you 
are sending from)

Possibly its because its a tls (secure) connection (usually you'd 
connect to port 25) - you may need a rails plugin to get it to work:

http://agilewebdevelopment.com/plugins/actionmailer_tls

Cheers
Luke
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