February 26, 2008 Cash-rich Obama Buys Yahoo
Outbids Microsoft for Internet Giant Flush with cash after a deluge of online donations, Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill) stunned the business world today by outbidding Microsoft for the Internet giant Yahoo. The purchase of Yahoo is believed to be the largest acquisition of a multibillion-dollar company ever by a Democratic presidential candidate, industry experts said. A spokesman for Microsoft at the company’s Redmond, Washington headquarters acknowledged that the company was “disappointed” to lose Yahoo to Sen. Obama, but added, “We can’t really be mad at him, because we love him so.” The news of Sen. Obama’s $48 billion offer for Yahoo sent a shudder through Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-NY)’s campaign, which for the past six weeks has been subsisting on Ramen noodles. In his televised debate in Cleveland, Ohio with Sen. Clinton, Sen. Obama said that he was able to purchase Yahoo because his campaign was reaping online donations averaging $1.8 billion a day. Mr. Obama also offered to “personally hire” 2 million Ohioans to do odd jobs around his campaign headquarters. “People say, can we really come up with enough errands for 2 million Ohioans to do?” he said. “Yes we can.” Massachusetts governor Deval Patrick praised Sen. Obama’s plan, telling reporters, “His campaign is more than just words, he is offering people a real opportunity to go on a Starbucks run.” Sen. Obama later added, “My campaign is more than just words, I am offering people a real opportunity to go on a Starbucks run.” Elsewhere, President Bush said that the economy was not in a recession, leading economists to conclude that the economy was in a recession. www.borowitzreport.com Waste Someone's Time: Forward to a Friend: http://email.borowitzreport.com/cgi-bin/redir?MCid=fkiSOeXPuK10403ecd0a&[EMAIL PROTECTED]&rec=6838 Sign up today for your own Borowitz Reports, click the link below or paste it into your browser. http://email.borowitzreport.com/cgi-bin/redir?MCid=g60OCB3xnU10403ecd0a ***Andy in Montreal – April 8*** Andy makes his first-ever appearance in Canada on Tuesday, April 8 at the Jewish Public Library in Montreal. 7:30 PM, 5151 Côte Ste-Catherine; admission free. ***Andy’s Only West Coast Appearance – April 24*** Andy makes his only scheduled West Coast appearance Thursday, April 24 at University of California, Santa Barbara. 8 PM at Campbell Hall. Tickets available at http://email.borowitzreport.com/cgi-bin/redir?MCid=Ur67PKxchs10403ecd0a ***Andy with Susie Essman and Jeffrey Toobin – May 13*** Andy hosts "Countdown to '08" on Tuesday, May 13 at 8 PM at the 92nd St. Y with his special guests Susie Essman (HBO's Curb Your Enthusiasm) and Jeffrey Toobin (CNN, bestselling author of The Nine). The Y is located at 92nd St. and Lexington Avenue. For tickets, go to www.92y.org. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - You may unsubscribe from this list by visiting the following URL in your browser: http://list-manage.com/unsub.phtml?id=HmqZiLlHVYc10403ecd0a Yahoo! Groups Links <*> To visit your group on the web, go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/scifinoir2/ <*> Your email settings: Individual Email | Traditional <*> To change settings online go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/scifinoir2/join (Yahoo! ID required) <*> To change settings via email: mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] <*> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] <*> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to: http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
