Re: [Hornlist] Re: Appalachian Americans
I think it's Arkansas that's famous for five million residents, 4 last names. -Original Message- From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] To: horn@music.memphis.edu Sent: Mon, 24 Apr 2006 00:58:30 EDT Subject: Re: [Hornlist] Re: Appalachian Americans I took my Appalachian American nephew to a Cousins for lunch. He thought we were going to a dating service. ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/billbamberg%40aol.com ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] Re: Appalachian Americans
Now, Ray and others have been making references to their familiar cousinries, so I am now thinking a reprising of this is in the orderings: YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK HORN PLAYER IF... Your horn teacher's name is Bubba. You have a 1956 Pan American single F that has valves that work and 14 old Elkhart Conn 8D's with valves that don't. You have slide grease under your toenails. You regularly answer the question what have you been doing lately? with trying to learn how to count more than 10 bars rest. Your mother gets in fistfights at your high school band concerts. You have a Conn 8D or Holton 179 bell for a hood ornament instead of a Mack Truck bulldog or Harley Davidson eagle. You think an IHS Workshop is a good place to meet women/men. You have completely taken apart your horn and greased and oiled it on your living room floor rug and not put down a newspaper or drop cloth. Your horn case is full of empty beer cans. You think Kopprasch is German for White Trash. You don't understand why there's no Kruspes between the Cheetos and the Beer Nuts at the grocery store. You use a styrofoam cooler for a gig bag. You call your horn teacher Dude. You yell Give the drummer some! at symphony concerts. Your horn is an old, beat up Olds Ambassador, Conn 6D or Reynolds Pottag model held together with chicken wire and duct tape. You think Mason Jones played pedal steel with Reba MacIntyre. You use a beer bottle for a mute. You think Schmidt is what your dog does in the backyard. You think Dennis Brain won at Daytona in '57. You think a leadpipe is part of a male's anatomy. You think Jimmy Stagliano was a character in The Godfather. You consider the Horn Call deep reading. You ever started a petition to change the National Anthem to The Klaxon. You think Kling is what Monica did with Bill. Your kids are going hungry because you just HAD to have that Lawson. You have a laminated picture of Prof. Hans Pizka on your headboard. You think Barry Tuckwell holds the major league record for stolen bases. You have a stop mute hanging from your rear view mirror. You think they sell Holtons at WalMart. You think a Merker-Matic is a dirt bike. You think Gestopft means a medical condition that requires ExLax. Your Father goes up to the kid who beat you out at All-State band tryouts and says I'm gonna take a switch to your behind if you beat my kid again next year! You honest-to-god think women are turned on by hearing you play the long call. You are turned on by hearing guys play the long call. You think a mellophone is cellular or something like that. You've ever had sex to the sound track of Titanic. You keep looking for dentures on eBay because your high notes just ain't what they use to be. You've ever written in Dale Clevenger's name on a presidential ballot. Your mother thinks Kopprasch is your boyfriend's name. You think cadenza is a fancy name for an outhouse. You think R. Strauss manufactures blue jeans. You think Hermann Baumann played the role of Colonel Klink on Hogan's Heroes. You've ever been fired from a gig because of your personal appearance. You consider a six pack of beer and a recording of the Nutcracker quality entertainment. You own more than 12 ties with horns on them. Your neighbors make you leave the trailer park when you want to practice. You think Gallay is that wine in those big gallon jugs at the liquor store. Someone asks you what kind of horn you own and you reply French. You paid less for your pickup truck than you did for your horn. You think Maxime-Alphonse is an exotic dancer down at The Gentlemen's Club. You have 10 dogs all named Till. You think Jimmy Chambers was the drummer in the band on HeeHaw. Your mom's been cooking with valve oil ever since she ran out of Crisco. You have ever been blacklisted from a music store. You think Siegfried is half of a Vegas act. You think heaven looks a lot like the Conn factory. You warm up using the theme from Dallas. Your mouthpiece is reduced 10 drill sizes by the built up crud in it. You have an STP sticker on your mute. You think Verne Reynolds was the star of Deliverance and Smokey and the Bandit. You can play a high C with a toothpick in your mouth. You have ever worn a tank top to a gig. You think Phil Farkas played center for the Razorbacks. The horn list limits you to one post a day. You use a color coordinated clothes line to keep your horn case shut. The other students at all-state tryouts call you Porky. You bring your dog with you to gigs. You refer to your colleagues in the horn section as my buds. You think embouchure is a sauce in a Cajun restaurant. Your horn smells like chewing tobacco. You believe everything you read on the horn list. You have a tattoo that reads Kopprasch but it's spelled wrong. Copywrong, 1999, revised 2006, Prof. I.M.G. Kindest of Greetonings and
Re: [Hornlist] Re: Appalachian Americans
It's nice to have my profile finally given credit on this list, but you missed my flat-top, brush cut hairdo, bag of deep-fried pork rinds in my horn case, and pencil clip fashioned from a '66 Chevy pickup radiator hose clamp. I'm still waiting for the IHS Official line of softball clothes, including ball caps, straw cowboy hats, Kruspe-style belt buckles and wallets complete with anti-theft chains... Best regards, (L.O.L!) Martin Bender P.S. Nothing beats a radiator cap for a stopping mute when you forgot yours back at the trailer park. On 23-Apr-06, at 1:01 PM, [EMAIL PROTECTED] wrote: Now, Ray and others have been making references to their familiar cousinries, so I am now thinking a reprising of this is in the orderings: YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK HORN PLAYER IF... Your horn teacher's name is Bubba. You have a 1956 Pan American single F that has valves that work and 14 old Elkhart Conn 8D's with valves that don't. You have slide grease under your toenails. You regularly answer the question what have you been doing lately? with trying to learn how to count more than 10 bars rest. Your mother gets in fistfights at your high school band concerts. You have a Conn 8D or Holton 179 bell for a hood ornament instead of a Mack Truck bulldog or Harley Davidson eagle. You think an IHS Workshop is a good place to meet women/men. You have completely taken apart your horn and greased and oiled it on your living room floor rug and not put down a newspaper or drop cloth. Your horn case is full of empty beer cans. You think Kopprasch is German for White Trash. You don't understand why there's no Kruspes between the Cheetos and the Beer Nuts at the grocery store. You use a styrofoam cooler for a gig bag. You call your horn teacher Dude. You yell Give the drummer some! at symphony concerts. Your horn is an old, beat up Olds Ambassador, Conn 6D or Reynolds Pottag model held together with chicken wire and duct tape. You think Mason Jones played pedal steel with Reba MacIntyre. You use a beer bottle for a mute. You think Schmidt is what your dog does in the backyard. You think Dennis Brain won at Daytona in '57. You think a leadpipe is part of a male's anatomy. You think Jimmy Stagliano was a character in The Godfather. You consider the Horn Call deep reading. You ever started a petition to change the National Anthem to The Klaxon. You think Kling is what Monica did with Bill. Your kids are going hungry because you just HAD to have that Lawson. You have a laminated picture of Prof. Hans Pizka on your headboard. You think Barry Tuckwell holds the major league record for stolen bases. You have a stop mute hanging from your rear view mirror. You think they sell Holtons at WalMart. You think a Merker-Matic is a dirt bike. You think Gestopft means a medical condition that requires ExLax. Your Father goes up to the kid who beat you out at All-State band tryouts and says I'm gonna take a switch to your behind if you beat my kid again next year! You honest-to-god think women are turned on by hearing you play the long call. You are turned on by hearing guys play the long call. You think a mellophone is cellular or something like that. You've ever had sex to the sound track of Titanic. You keep looking for dentures on eBay because your high notes just ain't what they use to be. You've ever written in Dale Clevenger's name on a presidential ballot. Your mother thinks Kopprasch is your boyfriend's name. You think cadenza is a fancy name for an outhouse. You think R. Strauss manufactures blue jeans. You think Hermann Baumann played the role of Colonel Klink on Hogan's Heroes. You've ever been fired from a gig because of your personal appearance. You consider a six pack of beer and a recording of the Nutcracker quality entertainment. You own more than 12 ties with horns on them. Your neighbors make you leave the trailer park when you want to practice. You think Gallay is that wine in those big gallon jugs at the liquor store. Someone asks you what kind of horn you own and you reply French. You paid less for your pickup truck than you did for your horn. You think Maxime-Alphonse is an exotic dancer down at The Gentlemen's Club. You have 10 dogs all named Till. You think Jimmy Chambers was the drummer in the band on HeeHaw. Your mom's been cooking with valve oil ever since she ran out of Crisco. You have ever been blacklisted from a music store. You think Siegfried is half of a Vegas act. You think heaven looks a lot like the Conn factory. You warm up using the theme from Dallas. Your mouthpiece is reduced 10 drill sizes by the built up crud in it. You have an STP sticker on your mute. You think Verne Reynolds was the star of Deliverance and Smokey and the Bandit. You can play a high C with a toothpick in your mouth. You have ever worn a tank top
Re: [Hornlist] Re: Appalachian Americans
Hmmm - MerkerMatic?!? Sounds like a garbage disposal unit :-) --- [EMAIL PROTECTED] wrote: Now, Ray and others have been making references to their familiar cousinries, so I am now thinking a reprising of this is in the orderings: YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK HORN PLAYER IF... Your horn teacher's name is Bubba. You have a 1956 Pan American single F that has valves that work and 14 old Elkhart Conn 8D's with valves that don't. You have slide grease under your toenails. You regularly answer the question what have you been doing lately? with trying to learn how to count more than 10 bars rest. Your mother gets in fistfights at your high school band concerts. You have a Conn 8D or Holton 179 bell for a hood ornament instead of a Mack Truck bulldog or Harley Davidson eagle. You think an IHS Workshop is a good place to meet women/men. You have completely taken apart your horn and greased and oiled it on your living room floor rug and not put down a newspaper or drop cloth. Your horn case is full of empty beer cans. You think Kopprasch is German for White Trash. You don't understand why there's no Kruspes between the Cheetos and the Beer Nuts at the grocery store. You use a styrofoam cooler for a gig bag. You call your horn teacher Dude. You yell Give the drummer some! at symphony concerts. Your horn is an old, beat up Olds Ambassador, Conn 6D or Reynolds Pottag model held together with chicken wire and duct tape. You think Mason Jones played pedal steel with Reba MacIntyre. You use a beer bottle for a mute. You think Schmidt is what your dog does in the backyard. You think Dennis Brain won at Daytona in '57. You think a leadpipe is part of a male's anatomy. You think Jimmy Stagliano was a character in The Godfather. You consider the Horn Call deep reading. You ever started a petition to change the National Anthem to The Klaxon. You think Kling is what Monica did with Bill. Your kids are going hungry because you just HAD to have that Lawson. You have a laminated picture of Prof. Hans Pizka on your headboard. You think Barry Tuckwell holds the major league record for stolen bases. You have a stop mute hanging from your rear view mirror. You think they sell Holtons at WalMart. You think a Merker-Matic is a dirt bike. You think Gestopft means a medical condition that requires ExLax. Your Father goes up to the kid who beat you out at All-State band tryouts and says I'm gonna take a switch to your behind if you beat my kid again next year! You honest-to-god think women are turned on by hearing you play the long call. You are turned on by hearing guys play the long call. You think a mellophone is cellular or something like that. You've ever had sex to the sound track of Titanic. You keep looking for dentures on eBay because your high notes just ain't what they use to be. You've ever written in Dale Clevenger's name on a presidential ballot. Your mother thinks Kopprasch is your boyfriend's name. You think cadenza is a fancy name for an outhouse. You think R. Strauss manufactures blue jeans. You think Hermann Baumann played the role of Colonel Klink on Hogan's Heroes. You've ever been fired from a gig because of your personal appearance. You consider a six pack of beer and a recording of the Nutcracker quality entertainment. You own more than 12 ties with horns on them. Your neighbors make you leave the trailer park when you want to practice. You think Gallay is that wine in those big gallon jugs at the liquor store. Someone asks you what kind of horn you own and you reply French. You paid less for your pickup truck than you did for your horn. You think Maxime-Alphonse is an exotic dancer down at The Gentlemen's Club. You have 10 dogs all named Till. You think Jimmy Chambers was the drummer in the band on HeeHaw. Your mom's been cooking with valve oil ever since she ran out of Crisco. You have ever been blacklisted from a music store. You think Siegfried is half of a Vegas act. You think heaven looks a lot like the Conn factory. You warm up using the theme from Dallas. Your mouthpiece is reduced 10 drill sizes by the built up crud in it. You have an STP sticker on your mute. You think Verne Reynolds was the star of Deliverance and Smokey and the Bandit. You can play a high C with a toothpick in your mouth. You have ever worn a tank top to a gig. You think Phil Farkas played center for the Razorbacks. The horn list limits you to one post a day. You use a color coordinated clothes line to keep your horn case shut. The other students at all-state tryouts call you Porky. You bring your dog with you to gigs. You refer to your colleagues in the horn section as my buds. === message
Re: [Hornlist] Re: Appalachian Americans
I like to chew gum while playing my horn...am I a redneck??? (I don't blow bubbles) - Original Message - From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] To: [EMAIL PROTECTED]; horn@music.memphis.edu Sent: Sunday, April 23, 2006 10:01 AM Subject: [Hornlist] Re: Appalachian Americans Now, Ray and others have been making references to their familiar cousinries, so I am now thinking a reprising of this is in the orderings: YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK HORN PLAYER IF... Your horn teacher's name is Bubba. You have a 1956 Pan American single F that has valves that work and 14 old Elkhart Conn 8D's with valves that don't. You have slide grease under your toenails. You regularly answer the question what have you been doing lately? with trying to learn how to count more than 10 bars rest. Your mother gets in fistfights at your high school band concerts. You have a Conn 8D or Holton 179 bell for a hood ornament instead of a Mack Truck bulldog or Harley Davidson eagle. You think an IHS Workshop is a good place to meet women/men. You have completely taken apart your horn and greased and oiled it on your living room floor rug and not put down a newspaper or drop cloth. Your horn case is full of empty beer cans. You think Kopprasch is German for White Trash. You don't understand why there's no Kruspes between the Cheetos and the Beer Nuts at the grocery store. You use a styrofoam cooler for a gig bag. You call your horn teacher Dude. You yell Give the drummer some! at symphony concerts. Your horn is an old, beat up Olds Ambassador, Conn 6D or Reynolds Pottag model held together with chicken wire and duct tape. You think Mason Jones played pedal steel with Reba MacIntyre. You use a beer bottle for a mute. You think Schmidt is what your dog does in the backyard. You think Dennis Brain won at Daytona in '57. You think a leadpipe is part of a male's anatomy. You think Jimmy Stagliano was a character in The Godfather. You consider the Horn Call deep reading. You ever started a petition to change the National Anthem to The Klaxon. You think Kling is what Monica did with Bill. Your kids are going hungry because you just HAD to have that Lawson. You have a laminated picture of Prof. Hans Pizka on your headboard. You think Barry Tuckwell holds the major league record for stolen bases. You have a stop mute hanging from your rear view mirror. You think they sell Holtons at WalMart. You think a Merker-Matic is a dirt bike. You think Gestopft means a medical condition that requires ExLax. Your Father goes up to the kid who beat you out at All-State band tryouts and says I'm gonna take a switch to your behind if you beat my kid again next year! You honest-to-god think women are turned on by hearing you play the long call. You are turned on by hearing guys play the long call. You think a mellophone is cellular or something like that. You've ever had sex to the sound track of Titanic. You keep looking for dentures on eBay because your high notes just ain't what they use to be. You've ever written in Dale Clevenger's name on a presidential ballot. Your mother thinks Kopprasch is your boyfriend's name. You think cadenza is a fancy name for an outhouse. You think R. Strauss manufactures blue jeans. You think Hermann Baumann played the role of Colonel Klink on Hogan's Heroes. You've ever been fired from a gig because of your personal appearance. You consider a six pack of beer and a recording of the Nutcracker quality entertainment. You own more than 12 ties with horns on them. Your neighbors make you leave the trailer park when you want to practice. You think Gallay is that wine in those big gallon jugs at the liquor store. Someone asks you what kind of horn you own and you reply French. You paid less for your pickup truck than you did for your horn. You think Maxime-Alphonse is an exotic dancer down at The Gentlemen's Club. You have 10 dogs all named Till. You think Jimmy Chambers was the drummer in the band on HeeHaw. Your mom's been cooking with valve oil ever since she ran out of Crisco. You have ever been blacklisted from a music store. You think Siegfried is half of a Vegas act. You think heaven looks a lot like the Conn factory. You warm up using the theme from Dallas. Your mouthpiece is reduced 10 drill sizes by the built up crud in it. You have an STP sticker on your mute. You think Verne Reynolds was the star of Deliverance and Smokey and the Bandit. You can play a high C with a toothpick in your mouth. You have ever worn a tank top to a gig. You think Phil Farkas played center for the Razorbacks. The horn list limits you to one post a day. You use a color coordinated clothes line to keep your horn case shut. The other students at all-state tryouts call you Porky. You bring your dog with you to gigs. You refer to your colleagues in the horn section as my buds. You think embouchure is a sauce
RE: [Hornlist] Re: Appalachian Americans
If you refer to Kopprasch is German for White Trash, you should spell it right as Cop Rush and if Your mother thinks Kopprasch is your boyfriend's, you should spell the name as Co Prasch - perhaps. == -Original Message- From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of [EMAIL PROTECTED] Sent: Sunday, April 23, 2006 6:02 PM To: [EMAIL PROTECTED]; horn@music.memphis.edu Subject: [Hornlist] Re: Appalachian Americans Now, Ray and others have been making references to their familiar cousinries, so I am now thinking a reprising of this is in the orderings: YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK HORN PLAYER IF... Your horn teacher's name is Bubba. ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
Re: [Hornlist] Re: Appalachian Americans
I took my Appalachian American nephew to a Cousins for lunch. He thought we were going to a dating service. ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
