Re: TV comedians target Cheney hunting accident
LOL! - Original Message - From: Robert G. Seeberger [EMAIL PROTECTED] To: brin-l@mccmedia.com Sent: Tuesday, February 14, 2006 1:20 PM Subject: TV comedians target Cheney hunting accident Television talk shows took aim Monday at U.S. Vice-President Dick Cheney's accidental weekend shooting in Texas of a hunting companion. Here's a few of the jokes. Late Show with David Letterman, CBS: -Good news, ladies and gentlemen, we have finally located weapons of mass destruction: It's Dick Cheney. -But here is the sad part - before the trip Donald Rumsfeld had denied the guy's request for body armour. -We can't get (Osama) bin Laden, but we nailed a 78-year-old attorney. -The guy who got gunned down, he is a Republican lawyer and a big Republican donor and fortunately the buck shot was deflected by wads of laundered cash. So he's fine. He took a little in the wallet. - The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, NBC: -Although it is beautiful here in California, the weather back East has been atrocious. There was so much snow in Washington, D.C., Dick Cheney accidentally shot a fat guy thinking it was a polar bear. -That's the big story over the weekend. . . . Dick Cheney accidentally shot a fellow hunter, a 78-year-old lawyer. In fact, when people found out he shot a lawyer, his popularity is now at 92 per cent. -I think Cheney is starting to lose it. After he shot the guy he screamed, 'Anyone else want to call domestic wire tapping illegal?' -Dick Cheney is capitalizing on this for Valentine's Day. It's the new Dick Cheney cologne. It's called Duck! - The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, Comedy Central: -Vice-President Dick Cheney accidentally shot a man during a quail hunt . . . making 78-year-old Harry Whittington the first person shot by a sitting veep since Alexander Hamilton. Hamilton, of course, (was) shot in a duel with Aaron Burr over issues of honour, integrity and political manoeuvring. Whittington? Mistaken for a bird. -Now, this story certainly has its humorous aspects. . . . But it also raises a serious issue, one which I feel very strongly about. . . . moms, dads, if you're watching right now, I can't emphasize this enough: Do not let your kids go on hunting trips with the vice-president. I don't care what kind of lucrative contracts they're trying to land, or energy regulations they're trying to get lifted - it's just not worth it. xponent The Buckshots Here Maru rob ___ http://www.mccmedia.com/mailman/listinfo/brin-l ___ http://www.mccmedia.com/mailman/listinfo/brin-l
Re: Hyperion
Maru Dubshinki wrote: I never thought of putting it in per-character terms. I always broke it down into factions- ie. you had the first timeline, in which TechnoCore and humand warred, which sent back Mnemosyne; you had the other timeline with the twin UIs, which dispatched one of the shrikes, and you had a third faction which sent back yet *another* shrike t fetch Weintraub's daughter (which I suspect to have been the Reaper faction). At least, three timelines made the most sense to me. I'd be interested to hear your thinking on it. Hrm. I think after reading the Endymion books I'd have to add a fourth line, wherein the Shrike is there to protect Aenea, possibly sent by those in the Void. Though it could be an intercepted and altered Shrike from the UIs, or sent by the human UI to defend its third part. The other three you listed make reasonable sense; however, I will admit that I never considered the various Shrikes to be separate timelines as much as they were foci in the war to establish one future. That is, they were developed by one faction then co-opted by the various factions in their struggles. What I found interesting about the first two books was not the SF portions of it nearly as much as the *human* portions. The stories of the pilgrims were all gripping, and that's what I liked about Hyperion more than the future conflicts and all. It was the people in the books, not the events surrounding them, that really spoke to me. In fact, to some extent Simmons' insistent EYKIW's (everything you know is wrong) in Endymion irked me, and I felt cheapened the first two a little bit. I still liked them, but for different reasons and certainly not as much as the Cantos. Jim Listening to the living Maru ___ Join Excite! - http://www.excite.com The most personalized portal on the Web! ___ http://www.mccmedia.com/mailman/listinfo/brin-l
Re: Hyperion
On 2/14/06, Jim Sharkey [EMAIL PROTECTED] wrote: Hrm. I think after reading the Endymion books I'd have to add a fourth line, wherein the Shrike is there to protect Aenea, possibly sent by those in the Void. Though it could be an intercepted and altered Shrike from the UIs, or sent by the human UI to defend its third part. The difficulty with this is, what was that fourth Shrike doing while the other three were messing around with the pilgrims and various political situations? I'd suggest that this was the Reaper faction AI- since when you think about it, what Aenea did was to upset the status quo, rip the TechnoCore out of their comfortable dead-end evolutionary niche (forcing them out into unsearched evolutionary fitness landscapes, laden with Lions and Tigers, and Bears oh my!); which is exactly what Ray's reaper functions did on a smaller scale. The other three you listed make reasonable sense; however, I will admit that I never considered the various Shrikes to be separate timelines as much as they were foci in the war to establish one future. That is, they were developed by one faction then co-opted by the various factions in their struggles. That makes sense too- one Shrike and one set of Time Tombs, not a couple co-valent ones phasing in and out, if that makes sense- intermittently controlled by different factions. I'm not completely sure because I seem to remember some incidents which had to take place simultaneously, but since I can't remember what those were, I'll drop this. What I found interesting about the first two books was not the SF portions of it nearly as much as the *human* portions. The stories of the pilgrims were all gripping, and that's what I liked about Hyperion more than the future conflicts and all. It was the people in the books, not the events surrounding them, that really spoke to me. In fact, to some extent Simmons' insistent EYKIW's (everything you know is wrong) in Endymion irked me, and I felt cheapened the first two a little bit. I still liked them, but for different reasons and certainly not as much as the Cantos. The focus in Endymion was on Raul and Aenea, who just couldn't carry that sort of load- it took at least 6 interesting characters from all sorts of genres and everything Simmons could warp and borrow from Kelly's Out of Control to make the first two, and the second two just didn't have that sort of firepower. Endymion still made me fairly happy because it included a decent quota of new and interesting and farout ideas, but there were far more in the Hyperions. Jim Listening to the living Maru ~Maru Listening to the music of the spheres ___ http://www.mccmedia.com/mailman/listinfo/brin-l
Fwd: Perspectives: Political Humour from John Cleese
In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (excepting Kansas, which she does not fancy). Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect: You should look up revocation in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix -ize will be replaced by the suffix -ise. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up vocabulary). Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as like and you know is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize. You will relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) -roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776). Thank you for your cooperation. -- Nick Arnett [EMAIL PROTECTED] Messages: 408-904-7198 ___ http://www.mccmedia.com/mailman/listinfo/brin-l
Re: Perspectives: Political Humour from John Cleese
On 2/14/06, Nick Arnett [EMAIL PROTECTED] wrote: In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (excepting Kansas, which she does not fancy). Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect: You should look up revocation in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix -ize will be replaced by the suffix -ise. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up vocabulary). Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as like and you know is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize. You will relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) -roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776). Thank you for your cooperation. -- Nick Arnett http://www.snopes.com/politics/satire/revocation.asp ~Maru ___ http://www.mccmedia.com/mailman/listinfo/brin-l
Re: Hyperion
In a message dated 2/14/2006 12:06:39 PM Eastern Standard Time, [EMAIL PROTECTED] writes: What I found interesting about the first two books was not the SF portions of it nearly as much as the *human* portions. The stories of the pilgrims were all gripping, and that's what I liked about Hyperion more than the future conflicts and all. It was the people in the books, not the events surrounding them, that really spoke to me. In fact, to some extent Simmons' insistent EYKIW's (everything you know is wrong) in Endymion irked me, and I felt cheapened the first two a little bit. I still liked them, but for different reasons and certainly not as much as the Cantos. I agree. I thought the first two books were about the people. The story of Rachel was unbelievably touching and sad. At the end of Fall I thought that Simmons had wrapped everything up wonderfully. I felt that in the Endemyon books he had jumped the shark (or to be more accurate the Shrike). I enjoyed these books but they were totally different in tone and style. Much more good but not unique sf. At first I was angry but then I realized that one has to be realistic. Simmons is a professional writer. He had created a universe and characters that were of value so why not use them? ___ http://www.mccmedia.com/mailman/listinfo/brin-l
Re: Perspectives: Political Humour from John Cleese
Aw heck. That takes all the fun out of it. Not really. Actually, I thought about checking snopes.com, but figured that's like a pilot going to the flight surgeon -- nothing positive can happen. Nick On 2/14/06, Maru Dubshinki [EMAIL PROTECTED] wrote: http://www.snopes.com/politics/satire/revocation.asp ~Maru ___ http://www.mccmedia.com/mailman/listinfo/brin-l -- Nick Arnett [EMAIL PROTECTED] Messages: 408-904-7198 ___ http://www.mccmedia.com/mailman/listinfo/brin-l
Re: Perspectives: Political Humour from John Cleese
I was going to suggest you should have checked snopes.com. :) And that was going around a few years ago. I got it from a friend before we moved into this house, and that move was more than 3.5 years ago. :) Julia Nick Arnett wrote: Aw heck. That takes all the fun out of it. Not really. Actually, I thought about checking snopes.com, but figured that's like a pilot going to the flight surgeon -- nothing positive can happen. Nick On 2/14/06, Maru Dubshinki [EMAIL PROTECTED] wrote: http://www.snopes.com/politics/satire/revocation.asp ~Maru ___ http://www.mccmedia.com/mailman/listinfo/brin-l -- Nick Arnett [EMAIL PROTECTED] Messages: 408-904-7198 ___ http://www.mccmedia.com/mailman/listinfo/brin-l ___ http://www.mccmedia.com/mailman/listinfo/brin-l
Re: Perspectives: Political Humour from John Cleese
At 07:16 PM Tuesday 2/14/2006, Nick Arnett wrote: Aw heck. That takes all the fun out of it. Not really. Actually, I thought about checking snopes.com, but figured that's like a pilot going to the flight surgeon -- nothing positive can happen. Which reminds me: a bit late for Valentine's Day, but what the heck: Sixteen reasons why Aeroplanes are easier to live with than women: 1) Aeroplanes usually kill you quickly, a woman takes her time. 2) Aeroplanes can be turned on by a flick of a switch. 3) Aeroplanes don't get mad if you do a touch and go 4) Aeroplanes don't object to a pre-flight inspection. 5) Aeroplanes come with manuals to explain their operation. 6) Aeroplanes have strict weight and balance limitations. 7) Aeroplanes can be flown any time of the month. 8) Aeroplanes don't come with in-laws. 9) Aeroplanes don't care about how many other Aeroplanes you've flown before. 10) Aeroplanes and pilots both arrive at the same time. 11) Aeroplanes don't mind if you look at other Aeroplanes. 12) Aeroplanes don't mind if you buy Aeroplane magazines. 13) Aeroplanes expect to be tied down. 14) Aeroplanes don't comment on your piloting skills. 15) Aeroplanes don't whine unless something is really wrong. 16) However, when Aeroplanes go quiet, just like women, it's usually not good. (This one obviously came from another English guy, but I'm certain it wasn't John Cleese, unless he is sending me jokes under an alias.) --Ronn! :) Since I was a small boy, two states have been added to our country and two words have been added to the pledge of Allegiance... UNDER GOD. Wouldn't it be a pity if someone said that is a prayer and that would be eliminated from schools too? -- Red Skelton (Someone asked me to change my .sig quote back, so I did.) ___ http://www.mccmedia.com/mailman/listinfo/brin-l
