OT Fridays funnie!
A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable. Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. The farmer said, "Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?" The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said, "Well, yeah, is that what they are? I've never heard of circle flies." So the farmer said, "Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the backend of a horse." The trooper said, "Oh," and went back to writing the ticket. Then after a minute he stopped and said, "Hey, wait a minute. Are you trying to call me a horse's ass?" The farmer said, "Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horse's ass." The trooper said, "Well, that's a good thing," and went back to writing the ticket. After a long pause, the farmer said, "Hard to fool them flies, though." -- Natasha Flazynski http://www.ciscobot.com My Cisco information site. http://www.botbuilders.com Artificial Intelligence and Linux development A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station... _ FAQ, list archives, and subscription info: http://www.groupstudy.com/list/cisco.html Report misconduct and Nondisclosure violations to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
OT: Fridays funnie
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place." So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?" Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next." God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake--he should never have gotten down there; send him up here." Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue." Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?" -- Natasha Flazynski http://www.ciscobot.com My Cisco information site. http://www.botbuilders.com Artificial Intelligence and Linux development "Out of Clutter, find Simplicity. >From Discord, find harmony. In the middle of difficulty, lies opportunity." - Albert Einstein _ FAQ, list archives, and subscription info: http://www.groupstudy.com/list/cisco.html Report misconduct and Nondisclosure violations to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
OT: Fridays funnie!! [7:2268]
A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked robber runs out of a bank and shoots her three times in the stomach. Luckily the babies are okay. The surgeon decides to leave the bullets in because it's too risky to operate. She gave birth to two healthy daughters and healthy son. All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room in tears. "What's wrong?" asks the mother. "I was taking a pee and this bullet came out" replied the daughter. The mother tells her it's okay and explains what happened 16 years ago. About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears. "Mom, I was taking a pee and this bullet came out". Again the mother tells her not to worry and explains what happened 16 years ago. A week later her son walked into the room in tears. "It's okay," says the mom, "I know what happenedyou were taking a pee and a bullet came out." "No," says the boy, "I was playing with myself and I shot the dog." -- Natasha Flazynski http://www.ciscobot.com My Cisco information site. http://www.botbuilders.com Artificial Intelligence and Linux development Message Posted at: http://www.groupstudy.com/form/read.php?f=7&i=2268&t=2268 -- FAQ, list archives, and subscription info: http://www.groupstudy.com/list/cisco.html Report misconduct and Nondisclosure violations to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
OT: Fridays Funnie! [7:3220]
A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquired. They say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'" "That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, then he thought for a moment. "You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, an we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying...that phrase...in no time." "Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution." The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them. After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?" There was stunned silence. Finally, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, "Put the beads away, Francis, our prayers have been answered!" -- Natasha Flazynski http://www.ciscobot.com My Cisco information site. http://www.botbuilders.com Artificial Intelligence and Linux development "Out of Clutter, find Simplicity. >From Discord, find harmony. In the middle of difficulty, lies opportunity." - Albert Einstein Message Posted at: http://www.groupstudy.com/form/read.php?f=7&i=3220&t=3220 -- FAQ, list archives, and subscription info: http://www.groupstudy.com/list/cisco.html Report misconduct and Nondisclosure violations to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
OT: Fridays funnie [7:5993]
I may not make next week since I have a surgery next week. So there's a bonus! After watching my brother changing the oil in his truck the last couple of days I just had to post this funnie again. Here we go. -- Oil Changing Instructions for Women: 1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since the last oil change. 2) Drink a cup of coffee. 3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle. Money spent: $20.00 Oil Change $1.00 Coffee $21.00 Total Oil Change instructions for Men: 1) Go to O' Reillys auto parts and write a check for $50.00 for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree. 2) Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard. 3) Open a beer and drink it. 4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. 5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car. 6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it. 7) Place drain pan under engine. 8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench. 9) Give up and use crescent wrench. 10) Unscrew drain plug. 11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: get hot oil on you in process. 12) Clean up mess. 13) Have another beer while watching oil drain. 14) Look for oil filter wrench. 15) Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off. 16) Beer. 17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Finish oil change tomorrow. 18) Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. 19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18. 20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday. 21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer. 22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface. 23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine. 24) Remember drain plug from step 11. 25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan. 26) Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain plug. 27) Drink beer. 28) Uncover hole and sift for drain plug. 29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. 30) Drink beer. 31) Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame. 32) Bang head on floor boards in reaction to step 31. 33) Begin cussing fit. 34) Throw wrench. 35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December (1992). 35) Beer. 36) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow. 37) Beer. 38) Beer. 39) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil. 40) Beer. 41) Lower car from jack stands. 42) Accidentally crush one of the jack stands. 43) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23. 44) Beer. 45) Test drive car. 46) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence. 47) Car gets impounded. 48) Make bail: Get car from impound yard. Money spent: $50.00 parts $25.00 beer $75.00 replacement set of jack stands: hey the colors have to match $1,000.00 Bail $200.00Impound and towing fee ___ $ 1,350.00 Total - Here's my brother after a job well done!! http://natasha38.botbuilders.com/My_brother.jpg kidding of course. --- -- Natasha Flazynski CCNA, MCSE http://www.ciscobot.com My Cisco information site. http://www.botbuilders.com Artificial Intelligence and Linux development Message Posted at: http://www.groupstudy.com/form/read.php?f=7&i=5993&t=5993 -- FAQ, list archives, and subscription info: http://www.groupstudy.com/list/cisco.html Report misconduct and Nondisclosure violations to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
OT: Fridays funnie, Jewish Law: [7:4251]
If you can't say something nice, say it in Yiddish. If it tastes good, it's probably not kosher. After the destruction of the Second Temple, God created Loehmann's. No one looks good in a yarmulke. Why spoil a good meal with a big tip? Twenty percent off is a bargain; fifty percent off is a mitzvah. There's nothing like a good belch. Israel is the land of milk and honey; Florida is the land of milk of magnesia. Pork is forbidden, but a pig in a blanket makes a nice hors d'oeuvre. The High Holidays have absolutely nothing to do with marijuana. And what's so wrong with dry turkey? If your name was Lipschitz, you'd change it, too. Always whisper the names of diseases. One mitzvah can change the world; two will just make you tired. If you don't eat, it will kill me. Anything worth saying is worth repeating a thousand times. Where there's smoke, there may be smoked salmon. Never take a front-row seat at a bris. Next year in Jerusalem. The year after that, how about a nice cruise? Never leave a restaurant empty-handed. Spring ahead, fall back, winter in Miami Beach. The important Jewish holidays are the ones on which alternate-side-of-the-street parking is suspended. A bad matzoh ball makes a good paperweight. Without Jewish mothers, who would need therapy? Before you read the menu, read the prices. There comes a time in every man's life when he must stand up and tell his mother he's an adult. This usually happens at around age 45. If you're going to whisper at the movies, make sure it's loud enough for everyone else to hear. No meal is complete without leftovers. If you have to ask the price, you can't afford it. But if you can afford it, make sure you tell everybody what you paid. The only thing more important than a good education is a good parking spot at the mall. Laugh now, but one day you'll be driving a big Cadillac and eating dinner at four in the afternoon. -- Natasha Flazynski http://www.ciscobot.com My Cisco information site. http://www.botbuilders.com Artificial Intelligence and Linux development "Out of Clutter, find Simplicity. >From Discord, find harmony. In the middle of difficulty, lies opportunity." - Albert Einstein Message Posted at: http://www.groupstudy.com/form/read.php?f=7&i=4251&t=4251 -- FAQ, list archives, and subscription info: http://www.groupstudy.com/list/cisco.html Report misconduct and Nondisclosure violations to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
OT: Fridays funnie, The scrap yard [7:8802]
Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Congress said "someone may steal from it at night". So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job. Then Congress said, "how does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies. Then Congress said, "how will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports. Then Congress said, "how are these people going to get paid?" So they created the following positions, a time keeper, and a payroll officer,then hired two people. Then Congress said, "who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary. Then Congress said, "we have had this command in operation for one year and we are $18,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost." So they laid off the night watchman. - Hey guys, I just set up a new bot. Here's the address http://206.183.19.237:2001/ I just to know if you, the world can see it!! Thanks -- Natasha Flazynski CCNA, MCSE http://www.ciscobot.com My Cisco information site. http://www.botbuilders.com Artificial Intelligence and Linux development Message Posted at: http://www.groupstudy.com/form/read.php?f=7&i=8802&t=8802 -- FAQ, list archives, and subscription info: http://www.groupstudy.com/list/cisco.html Report misconduct and Nondisclosure violations to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
