[CTRL] JOKE Bush visits a school.

2003-03-16 Thread Mike Smith
-Caveat Lector-



President Bush was visiting an elementary school
one dayand before he left he declared he would have a brief question and
answer period with the children in the classroom.
 
Billy, a determined looking young boy piped up and
said "Mr President,I have three questions for you: 1. What is the necessity
of going to war with Iraq? 2. Why didn't your dad do it right the first time? 3
What are you going to do with the oil in Iraq?
 
Just then the recess bell rang and all the children
went out to play.
 
Twenty minutes later when the children had returned
and the classroom settleddown again Tommy addressed the president and said:
"Mr President,I have five questions for you: 1. What is the necessity of
going to war with Iraq? 2. Why didn't your dad do it right the first time? 3
What are you going to do with the oil in Iraq? 4. Why was the recess bell
fifteen minutes early and 5. Where's Billy?
 
 
 
 
 
.

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[CTRL] JOKE

2001-04-16 Thread Carl Amedio
 Man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I
have to talk to you about it."

The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"

The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me."
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"

The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me,
what should I do?"
The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I
can find out and I'll let you know."

A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to your
wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?"

The man anxiously says, "Yes."

"Take the poison," says the Rabbi.

    



Re: [CTRL] joke

2000-09-01 Thread J Taylor

That is the way we are in this country. We are fond of eye service and
white-washing. Because a big man, an international figure is visiting
Nigeria, all of a sudden, NEPA workers have woken up to their
responsibility," Segun Adepoju, a trader had said on Friday.

"I have always said that the problem of NEPA is more of a human factor that
technical. "


http://asia.dailynews.yahoo.com/headlines/world/article.html?s=asia/headline
s/000831/world/afp/Darkness_descends_on_Nigeria_after_Clinton_s_visit.html
Thursday, August 31 6:14 AM SGT

Darkness descends on Nigeria after Clinton's visit
LAGOS, Aug 30 (AFP) -
Power supplies to many parts of Nigeria, especially economic capital Lagos,
which surprisingly improved last week ahead of US President Bill Clinton's
visit, have returned to their erratic performance shortly after his
departure, residents said Wednesday.

In Ijeshatedo district in central Surulere part of Lagos, has been
experiencing several hours of electricity supply disruption since Monday
after Clinton ended his two-day state visit to Nigeria, residents said.

In Anthony village in northern residential district of Ikeja, power supply
was disrupted on Tuesday for more than six hours, they said.

The same story is replicated in Mushin, Agege, Iyana Ipaja, Yaba, Ebute Meta
and posh residential and commercial districts of Ikoyi and Victoria Island,
they added.

A spokesman of the state-run electricity company (NEPA), Inuwa Garba, denied
that the improvement in power supply recorded last week was because of
President Clinton's visit.

He attributed the improvement to the installation of new equipment and
maintainance of old ones.

"It is sheer coincidence that power shortages are being experienced shortly
after Clinton left The current problem is technical and we are trying to
rectify it," said another spokesman who demanded anonymity.

NEPA officials said on Friday that power supply in the country was boosted
last week by more than 300 percent ahead of US President's visit to the
country.

Power distribution shot up from 600 megawatts to 2,000 megawatts, a
spokesman of the company, Inuwa Garba, had told AFP by telephone.

"That is the way we are in this country. We are fond of eye service and
white-washing. Because a big man, an international figure is visiting
Nigeria, all of a sudden, NEPA workers have woken up to their
responsibility," Segun Adepoju, a trader had said on Friday.

"I have always said that the problem of NEPA is more of a human factor that
technical. Let us see what happens at the end of Clinton's visit," Emmanuel
Chiejina, a sociologist also said.

Power supplies, which improved tremendously when Nigeria co-hosted with
Ghana this year's African Cup of Nations, slumped again immediately after.

The company is notorious for its inefficiency though and its critics have
derisively turned its acronymn to "Never Expect Power Always."

The new civilian government of President Olusegun Obasanjo has pledged to
boost NEPA's generating and distributing capacity and then break up and sell
off the company.

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Re: [CTRL] Joke

2000-02-20 Thread Ray Mutzel

-Caveat Lector-   http://www.ctrl.org/">
 -Cui Bono?-

THE ONLY JOKE IS YOU, YOU SCHMUCK !!!

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[CTRL] Joke

2000-02-19 Thread William Shannon

-Caveat Lector-   http://www.ctrl.org/">
 -Cui Bono?-

At a medical doctor's convention in Europe, a conversation took place in a
pub after an enthusiastic midday lecture. Four doctors from different
countries (one of them from the US) shared a table.

The first doctor said "In my country, health care is so good that we can
take a kidney out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking
for work in six weeks."

"That's nothing", said the second doctor, "in my country, we can take a
lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in
four weeks."

"Well", the third doctor boasted, "in my country, we can take half a heart
from one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in
two weeks."

The American doctor, not to be outdone, exclaimed, "Hah! In the US we are
about to take an asshole out of Texas, put it in the White House, and have
half the country looking for work the next day!"

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[CTRL] Joke: How nationalities differ

1999-09-06 Thread Hilary A. Thomas

 -Caveat Lector-

How nationalities differ



"On a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere, the following
people are stranded:

2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
2 French men and 1 French woman
2 German men and 1 German woman
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
2 English men and 1 English woman
2 Polish men and 1 Polish woman
2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman
2 American men and 1 American woman
2 Australian men and 1 Australian woman
2 New Zealand men and 1 New Zealand woman
2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman

One month later, the following things have occurred:

One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.

The two French men and the French woman are living happily together having
loads of sex.

The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate
with the German woman

The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is
cleaning and cooking for them.

The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the
English woman.

The Polish men took a long look at the endless ocean and one look at the
Polish woman and they started swimming.

The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide, while
 the  American woman keeps on bitching about her body being her own, the
True
nature of feminism, how she can do everything that they can do, about
the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how
her
last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her much nicer and how
her relationship with her mother is improving. But at least the taxes are
low and it is not raining.

The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are waiting for further
instructions.

The two Australian men beat each other senseless for the Australian woman,
who is checking out all the other men after calling them both "bloody
wankers".

Both New Zealand men are searching the island for sheep.

The Irish began by dividing the island into North and South and by setting
up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it
gets sort of foggy after the first few litres of coconut whiskey, but they
are satisfied in that at least the English are not getting any.

DECLARATION & DISCLAIMER
==
CTRL is a discussion and informational exchange list. Proselyzting propagandic
screeds are not allowed. Substance—not soapboxing!  These are sordid matters
and 'conspiracy theory', with its many half-truths, misdirections and outright
frauds is used politically  by different groups with major and minor effects
spread throughout the spectrum of time and thought. That being said, CTRL
gives no endorsement to the validity of posts, and always suggests to readers;
be wary of what you read. CTRL gives no credeence to Holocaust denial and
nazi's need not apply.

Let us please be civil and as always, Caveat Lector.

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[CTRL] (joke) Y to K compliant

1999-08-03 Thread piper

 -Caveat Lector-

== forwarded message
=


Blonde secretary's memo to her boss:


TO:   My Boss
From:Blondie
RE:   Changing calendars from Y2K


  I hope that I haven't misunderstood your instructions because, to
be honest,  none of this Y to K problem made much sense to me. At any
rate, I have finished the conversion. The calendars  have returned
from the printer and are ready to be distribute with the following new
months:

   Januark
   Februark
   Mak
   Julk

I also changed all the days of each week to:

 Sundak
 Mondak
 Tuesdak
 Wednesdak
 Thursdak
 Fridak
 Saturdak


We are now Y to K compliant.

--
Any person can stand adversity,
The true test is to give a person power.
http://freeweb.digiweb.com/science_fiction/ThePiedPiper/~index.htm

DECLARATION & DISCLAIMER
==
CTRL is a discussion and informational exchange list. Proselyzting propagandic
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and 'conspiracy theory', with its many half-truths, misdirections and outright
frauds is used politically  by different groups with major and minor effects
spread throughout the spectrum of time and thought. That being said, CTRL
gives no endorsement to the validity of posts, and always suggests to readers;
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Re: [CTRL] Joke

1999-01-06 Thread Vicky L. Jones

 -Caveat Lector-

This is just too awful!
Vicky

-Original Message-
From: nurev <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
To: [EMAIL PROTECTED] <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
Date: Wednesday, January 06, 1999 8:12 AM
Subject: [CTRL] Joke


> -Caveat Lector-
>
>-Original Message-
>
>
>Mahatma Ghandi walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that the soles
>of his feet became quite thick and hard.  Being a very spiritual
>person, he ate very little, and often fasted.  As a result, he was
>quite thin and frail.
> Furthermore, due to his diet, he ended up with very bad breath.
> Therefore, he came to be known as a
>
>
>
>"Super callused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis."
>
>DECLARATION & DISCLAIMER
>==
>CTRL is a discussion and informational exchange list. Proselyzting
propagandic
>screeds are not allowed. Substance—not soapboxing!  These are sordid
matters
>and 'conspiracy theory', with its many half-truths, misdirections and
outright
>frauds is used politically  by different groups with major and minor
effects
>spread throughout the spectrum of time and thought. That being said, CTRL
>gives no endorsement to the validity of posts, and always suggests to
readers;
>be wary of what you read. CTRL gives no credeence to Holocaust denial and
>nazi's need not apply.
>
>Let us please be civil and as always, Caveat Lector.
>
>Archives Available at:
>http://home.ease.lsoft.com/archives/CTRL.html
>
>http:[EMAIL PROTECTED]/
>
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>
>Om

DECLARATION & DISCLAIMER
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[CTRL] Joke

1999-01-06 Thread nurev

 -Caveat Lector-

-Original Message-


Mahatma Ghandi walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that the soles
of his feet became quite thick and hard.  Being a very spiritual
person, he ate very little, and often fasted.  As a result, he was
quite thin and frail.
 Furthermore, due to his diet, he ended up with very bad breath.
 Therefore, he came to be known as a



"Super callused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis."

DECLARATION & DISCLAIMER
==
CTRL is a discussion and informational exchange list. Proselyzting propagandic
screeds are not allowed. Substance—not soapboxing!  These are sordid matters
and 'conspiracy theory', with its many half-truths, misdirections and outright
frauds is used politically  by different groups with major and minor effects
spread throughout the spectrum of time and thought. That being said, CTRL
gives no endorsement to the validity of posts, and always suggests to readers;
be wary of what you read. CTRL gives no credeence to Holocaust denial and
nazi's need not apply.

Let us please be civil and as always, Caveat Lector.

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