Re: I apology
Toby Smithe wrote: I did not see these evil things you wrote, but I am sure everyone forgives you. Don't be so down on yourself; everything isn't awful. First of all, thanks to everybody for warm replies (I received private emails also). People were worried about me and I must say that it was the last stress, my imaginative conflict with Gnome and it is gone now. I feel like a happy kid, because it was quite a while ago when I apologized last time :) With regards to evil things... 1. I said that I am trying to be a Christian, but I was aggressive to say the least. 2. I said that my competitors are broken bicycles, but they are not. 3. My jokes had double meaning with sarcasm, nationalism and pornography (e.g. I am not an English lord, the Great John's guideline, was frightened for some reason, not only to kiss etc.). 4. I said that I do not seek leverage (i.e. don't want to play politics) but I was acting like a politician and in fact was trying to provoke people and manipulate the community into using my software. At the same time I accused you for being too political. Also, I was suggesting you a new political system. I was fooling myself that I can make Gnome better, but I was doing evil things in fact. 5. I used crazy rhetoric. For example I named Google's search as a gate into the universe, although it is just a piece of software. I formulated the Principle and a metaphor about warring commander, both looks to me like a plain madness now, i.e. they have evil meaning. 6. I used a name of God's man, Gideon, as a name of the project, but I had no rights to do that. 7. I was pretending to be a visionary that may cure your problems, although I myself needed to be cured in the first place. In my letter I said that I have no authority and knowledge to point Gnome new directions, but I was doing exactly that thing. 8. In my letter I presented an ideal vision where I said we live in the ideal world that have no troubles, although I knew that the Bible clearly states that heaven on Earth is only possible via the Kingdom of God (human beings cannot create heaven themselves without God). 9. Although I was pretending to be a Christian, I was appealing to the humankind's philosophies and wisdom. The true Christianity is based only on God's wisdom and the Bible, his Word. 10. I posted a troll about International Space Station. In that thread I was accusing Gnome and gtkmm for things that are almost nothing when compared with my attitude. I used ISS and university rhetoric as an example of how people of different nationalities may unite and again didn't say anything about the Kingdom of Jehovah God which, as the Bible promises, will be the kingdom for all nations with Jesus Christ as a King: And in the days of those kings the God of heaven will set up a kingdom that will never be brought to ruin. And the kingdom itself will not be passed on to any other people. It will crush and put an end to all these kingdoms, and it itself will stand to times indefinite (Daniel 2:44) http://www.watchtower.org/e/bible/da/chapter_002.htm#bk44 And to him there were given rulership and dignity and kingdom, that the peoples, national groups and languages should all serve even him. His rulership is an indefinitely lasting rulership that will not pass away, and his kingdom one that will not be brought to ruin. (Daniel 7:14) http://www.watchtower.org/e/bible/da/chapter_007.htm#bk14 Look! The tent of God is with mankind, and he will reside with them, and they will be his peoples. And God himself will be with them. And he will wipe out every tear from their eyes, and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore. The former things have passed away. (Revelation 21:3,4) http://www.watchtower.org/e/bible/re/chapter_021.htm#bk3 I recently was studying the Bible with Jehovah's Witnesses, they give full and precise explanation of all Bible teachings. And some time ago when I had especially hard times with the disorder and was ready to die, studying the Bible and God's promises written there were giving me the reason to live. Because of those studies I now was able to recognize my mistakes and ask for forgiveness. http://www.watchtower.org ___ desktop-devel-list mailing list desktop-devel-list@gnome.org http://mail.gnome.org/mailman/listinfo/desktop-devel-list
Re: I apology
On Fri, 2006-10-27 at 17:59 +0400, Maxim Udushlivy wrote: First of all, thanks to everybody for warm replies (I received private emails also). People were worried about me and I must say that it was the last stress, my imaginative conflict with Gnome and it is gone now. I feel like a happy kid, because it was quite a while ago when I apologized last time :) Okay, thanks for your apology, but please limit your mails to this list to be about GNOME Desktop Development in the future. Many thanks, Richard Hughes ___ desktop-devel-list mailing list desktop-devel-list@gnome.org http://mail.gnome.org/mailman/listinfo/desktop-devel-list
I apology
I want to apology about what I said recently on this list. I feel very bad about that, and please read why that happened. This is off topic for this list, but please don't laugh, I need to be listened. I am not a native speaker, and in this explanation my phrases may again sound strange... I'll try to be concise. In 2003, being 7 years in a deep depression (caused by life conditions, unanswered love and failed attempt to immigrate to the USA due to September 11), I decided to switch my ordinary software job and become a game developer in a hope that this change will somehow cure me. I participated in the development of a PS2 title (I was responsible for game physics, parts of animation and BSP collision detection). In parallel with software development I was working on a scenario for a future title, it was a naval drama about a young British whaler (I have some writing skills). Unfortunately the amount of new job not cured me as I foolishly hoped, instead, after one year it pushed me into a more mental exhaustion. Being in this state, an accident happened with me where I experienced life threat and after that I gained a so called Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD): http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Post-traumatic_stress_disorder I left gamedev job (I was not able to work in office anymore). I had some savings, so I just was sitting at home waiting for disorder to dissipate. This disorder was marked by a strong anxiety and flashbacks; for several months day and night I was felling like I may die at every minute. I was afraid to call for a doctor in a fear to be taken into a hospital and go crazy because of an additional stress. As a measure to overcome painful flashbacks and draw my attention to something else I started development of a GUI designer in November 2004 and published it about year later when it was finished. I was not ready for mostly negative feedback (or may be I was imagine things) and at this point I should just give up, but I decided to prove that I am right and may be helpful for foss, not fully realizing my health conditions and that my writing skills may be depressing to other people. Next year I was polishing designer and gathering aggression until it all felled here as a Contribution thread and other my messages. Please forgive me for that evil things I was saying here. I was blinded by false beliefs that I bring light, but it was almost all just crazy rhetoric and fantasies of an ill and self-loving person. /Maxim Udushlivy P.S. I renamed designer project (http://crow-designer.sf.net; a crow, because they are tool makers) and will leave it... If somebody is interested to take over, please contact me or use project mailing list. Also, I am ready to give all project copyrights to Gnome Foundation. ___ desktop-devel-list mailing list desktop-devel-list@gnome.org http://mail.gnome.org/mailman/listinfo/desktop-devel-list
Re: I apology
I did not see these evil things you wrote, but I am sure everyone forgives you. Don't be so down on yourself; everything isn't awful. On Thu, 2006-10-26 at 19:15 +0400, Maxim Udushlivy wrote: I want to apology about what I said recently on this list. I feel very bad about that, and please read why that happened. This is off topic for this list, but please don't laugh, I need to be listened. I am not a native speaker, and in this explanation my phrases may again sound strange... I'll try to be concise. In 2003, being 7 years in a deep depression (caused by life conditions, unanswered love and failed attempt to immigrate to the USA due to September 11), I decided to switch my ordinary software job and become a game developer in a hope that this change will somehow cure me. I participated in the development of a PS2 title (I was responsible for game physics, parts of animation and BSP collision detection). In parallel with software development I was working on a scenario for a future title, it was a naval drama about a young British whaler (I have some writing skills). Unfortunately the amount of new job not cured me as I foolishly hoped, instead, after one year it pushed me into a more mental exhaustion. Being in this state, an accident happened with me where I experienced life threat and after that I gained a so called Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD): http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Post-traumatic_stress_disorder I left gamedev job (I was not able to work in office anymore). I had some savings, so I just was sitting at home waiting for disorder to dissipate. This disorder was marked by a strong anxiety and flashbacks; for several months day and night I was felling like I may die at every minute. I was afraid to call for a doctor in a fear to be taken into a hospital and go crazy because of an additional stress. As a measure to overcome painful flashbacks and draw my attention to something else I started development of a GUI designer in November 2004 and published it about year later when it was finished. I was not ready for mostly negative feedback (or may be I was imagine things) and at this point I should just give up, but I decided to prove that I am right and may be helpful for foss, not fully realizing my health conditions and that my writing skills may be depressing to other people. Next year I was polishing designer and gathering aggression until it all felled here as a Contribution thread and other my messages. Please forgive me for that evil things I was saying here. I was blinded by false beliefs that I bring light, but it was almost all just crazy rhetoric and fantasies of an ill and self-loving person. /Maxim Udushlivy P.S. I renamed designer project (http://crow-designer.sf.net; a crow, because they are tool makers) and will leave it... If somebody is interested to take over, please contact me or use project mailing list. Also, I am ready to give all project copyrights to Gnome Foundation. ___ desktop-devel-list mailing list desktop-devel-list@gnome.org http://mail.gnome.org/mailman/listinfo/desktop-devel-list ___ desktop-devel-list mailing list desktop-devel-list@gnome.org http://mail.gnome.org/mailman/listinfo/desktop-devel-list
Re: I apology
tor, 26,.10.2006 kl. 19.15 +0400, skrev Maxim Udushlivy: I want to apology about what I said recently on this list. I feel very bad about that, and please read why that happened. This is off topic for this list, but please don't laugh, I need to be listened. You seem to have more than enough self-insight to help you overcome your situation though. I wish you all the best and a speedy recovery and thanks for meaning well and trying to help even though it may have come out the wrong way. Cheers Kjartan ___ desktop-devel-list mailing list desktop-devel-list@gnome.org http://mail.gnome.org/mailman/listinfo/desktop-devel-list
