the more I learn
It seems like the more I learn the less I know. Honestly Tiny's death was totally unexpected. It was probably a blessing for him. I was unaware he was in distress. On my desktop I have a picture of Tiny I took two days before he died. He looked like he had aged quite a bit. Yet he was still eating good and playing. His activity level had not changed much. I expected him to go through slow times. There was nothing to indicate this cat would die when he did. Someone suggested lymphoma as a possibility. I can buy that if there are no symptoms for that. Christmas day he went into the bathroom, where the litter box is located. He just laid down with his paws tucked under him ( I believe some call this the meatloaf position). That is when I picked him up and took him into the living room and sat by him for over an hour. He was quiet. There were no sounds that indicated breathing problems. Earlier that day I found where he had thrown up. It was not bad enough to be concerned. Less than 15 minutes later I heard that awful coughing/choking noise. Less than two minutes he was gone. I said before I thought Tiny would outlive Junior because junior has been the one who has had all the various symptoms. Now I have no idea what I am doing. Maybe it is better that Junior does display symptoms I can recognize. I do know Junior is very much a fighter. The vet tech who cared for him the day I took him to the hospital after he had been hot by a car told me that. I hope this same spirit will keep him going. Like Nina said I will treasure the days I have with him. Tiny taught me you never know.. I wonder if a cat I lost two years ago may have died from this dreaded disease. He wandered off one night after he had thrown up once that day. He also has a infected cat bite I had planned to take him to the vet the next day. Puttyrat was a wonderful playful Siamese looking cat. He came from a colony of 30 cats. He was very inbred and not always so bright. He would make me laugh. I still remember him galloping off down the road to some place he hung out. I managed to get Junior's antibiotic refilled yesterday. It is mainly for his eye. I still have the drops. I now know that Lionel had this same eye infection before he tested positive for FeLV and FIV. He was the special cat who eased my pain after Fluffy died. Some days are better than others. I hope I never have to deal with such an outbreak again. Phaewryn I do not know what you are talking about in the chat room the other night. Nothing that was said offended me. I was just a bit lost and decided to leave. I have never been good in chat rooms because I type so slow. Sally
Re: the more I learn
Sally, It is impossible to know. My friend Yuki called me yesterday to tell me that her cat Tiko, age 13 and negative, died while she was away for 3 days. Her mom had been feeding him and said he was fine, then could not find him the last day. Yuki came home and found him dead. She has no idea what happened. She did not know he was sick. Her cat Sinbad, who had distemper as a kitten and has severe neurological and other problems, is now 15 and the last of her cats left. We always assumed he would be the first to go, not the last. My dog Fern was the only one of our 3 dogs who had any health problems that we knew of, and she had a lot of them, and she outlived the other two. It seems to happen that way a lot. I think that is why people say things like Man makes plans and God laughs. We think we know what is going to happen, but we don't. Tiny may have died from something totally unrelated to FeLV, like a heart problem. My dog Chip seemed healthier than healthy, had just run 4 miles with me two days earlier and was out running around on a walk, and suddenly collapsed, cried out, and was dead. She must have had a latent heart condition. She literally looked and acted like an athlete, and was only 9 years old. we will never know what happened to her. We do the best we can to figure things out while they are happening, and sometimes we can and sometimes we can't. I am very bad at accepting this, but am trying to learn to, because it is the way things are. Michelle
RE: the more I learn
Sally, we have all felt this way at some point, where things don't make sense to us and we get hung up on what we missed or waited too long to do or couldn't afford to do. Because we can't all watch our furbabies every single moment, and because money is not an unlimited commodity, and because they're such good hiders when it comes to their illnesses, these things are *going* to happen. God knows I've lost a couple who might have lived longer if I had done something differently or noticed something sooner. Unfortunately, there's no cosmic law that what happens will be fair or make any sense at all. Know that Tiny loved you and had a good life with you and went without prolonged suffering. I know now you're unsure of your treatment of Junior, but it sounds like you're conscientious and there's lots of good advice on this list to guide you. Please don't drag yourself down with wondering, just do your homework and ask questions, questions, questions -- here and at the vet -- and, aside from providing good nutrition and supplements, take things as they come and try not to worry about what hasn't happened yet. Oh, and about chat rooms, yes, they can be daunting but they can be enjoyed even if you're a slow typer. Just don't strike up conversations with everybody at once! ;-) May you have a better year ahead than the one just ended (and this goes to all of us). Diane R.
Re: the more I learn
That's the thing about FELV Sally, it's just unpredictable. I don't think there's anything you should have done differently, and I wouldn't have done anything differently from what you did. It's just hard when you lose a baby. Everyone has those thoughts of self-doubt, the what if's, the Maybe if I had's and the I wonder if I could have's. It's a normal part of the grieving process, I believe. This is the part where you are struggling to come to terms with Tiny's loss, and trying to make sense of it. The problem is, it's a senseless thing, FELV. I know I have a number of could have, should have's in my past, and it's not been easy for me to deal with them. But, try to take solace in the fact that it's normal for you to be asking these questions, and trying to find ways to understand what you have gone through. If there's any lesson FELV teaches the hardest, it's the take each moment and cherish it, because you never know when it will end one that hits the hardest, I believe. Phaewryn Don't Lose Your Pet! Register at AWOLpet.com: http://AWOLPet.com (use referral code: LittleCheetah)
