Wow umang...
you've inspired me... my parents are quite "modern"
but i have never had gathered the guts to come out to
them...
as the years have gone by i am now comtemplating that
they will be cool with it if i do tell them!!!
you've just pushed me one step further thanks!!!
Love
Nitin
--- Jyotirbikash Bhattacharya <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
wrote:
> Thank You. There is nothing much I can say about
> your 'dream come true'. It's truly wonderful. So, I
> thank you from the very core of my heart. And I wish
> you a very happy and prosperous life.
> Thanks again Umang.
>
> With
>
love.
>
> Moderator <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
> Coming Out To Mom by Umang
>Gosh! I wanted to tell this to my mom so badly.
> My god! today these words come out so easily and a
> few years back it seemed so impossible. I have
> visualized telling this to my mom and her reactions
> - over hundred times in my mind. And I really
> underestimated her. Because I had solid reasons for
> that. My mom is a very conventional middle class
> Gujarati women. Who hardly speaks a few words in
> English and understands little bit. She has just
> passed SSC. She has never read a magazine or a
> newspaper as far as I know. But she loves to watch
> TV. She has a few friends and a very limited
> exposure to the outside world. Family is everything
> to her. And that's not all. Everyday is a challenge
> for her. She is schizophrenic and has glaucoma.
> Which means her I Q is less than average and can
> only see with one eye - only 20%.
> I came out 5 yrs back to my brother, Uncle, Aunt,
> two cousins. And my dad (indirectly - my aunt and
> uncle spilled the beans). They took me to a shrink
> who advised that nothing could be done if I
> willingly don't want to change. So my close family
> (except my mom and grandpa) no longer asked me to
> get married. Well occasionally they would get
> jhatkas (u try with a girl, after marriage
> everything will be okay, look at your mom and for
> her get married, blah, blah.). But that was out of
> love and concern and it didn't bother me. What
> bothered me really was the fact that my mom wasn't
> aware of my sexuality. Others knew but my own mom
> was ignorant. It really hurt me -because her
> ultimate dream is marrying me to a girl. Day and
> night she talked about my marriage. I guess she
> never sang a lullaby it was always a wedding lore.
> So occasionally I would pretend to read the
> newspaper and give her the news: two guys got
> married in New York. Two girls are in love in Delhi
> etc. And she
> would laugh it out. (I was preparing her for the
> ultimate shock)
>
> My biggest fear was that my mom will get a big
> shock and go into depression - if I came out to her.
> . And God forbid, if something happens to her I
> would be responsible. My family would grill me down.
> I was advised not to come out to my mom -
> considering her physical and mental condition. It
> was a battle between fact and dream. The facts hit
> me in the face: mom is schizophrenic, has glaucoma,
> will never understand me. She may get a mental
> attack or shock. She may cry for years and blame
> herself. She may also go into a major depression,
> which could be serious. HOWEVER I also have a
> burning desire and a beautiful dream. Dream to get
> married to a guy. A grand wedding where my mom can
> fulfil all her dreams and wishes she expects from my
> straight wedding. She could dance, jump and sing her
> entire quota of wedding lore. There will be the
> usual hangama of a guju wedding. EVERYTHING WILL AS
> PER HER DESIRE, ONLY DIFFERENCE: THERE WOULD BE TWO
> GROOMS INSTEAD.
>
> So I had a choice to decide between fact and
> dream. I had an option to never come out to my mom
> and kill my dreams or to come out to her and face
> the consequences. I decided to go for the latter.
> And I am so glad I did that. One evening, knowing
> that relatives at dinner will raise my marriage
> issue, I don't know why but I told her those dreaded
> words: Mummy mani chokriyo nathi gumti. I don't like
> girls. I like boys. I am attracted to guys.
> Initially she thought I was joking and later she
> said it's all hogwash. Something like that is not
> possible. I said I was dead serious. She refused to
> discuss the topic with me. She advised I should meet
> her shrink. I readily agreed. In the next fortnight
> she told me twice to visit the shrink. Third time
> when she insisted I understood that my mom was
> serious about the visit. My friends advised I should
> check with the shrink weather he is pro or anti gay.
> For me the most important matter was that my mom
> trusts him and is very comfortable
> with him.
>
> I did not care weather he's pro or anti. It was a
> big risk but I was prepared for it. Driving to the
> clinic I was very nervous: What if the shrink
> happens to be a quack and recommends therapy. What
> if he claims he cou
