from:"Smarter boy Boy"

g_b Sheer Mathematics!

2005-03-25 Thread Smarter boy Boy

A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife.

Dear Wife,

You must realise that you are 54 years old, and I have certain needs
that you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you
as a wife and sincerely hope that you will not be hurt or offended to
learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the
Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home
before midnight.

Your Husband

When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for
him that read as follows:

Dear Husband,

You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this letter, I
will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Since
you are the mathematician, you will appreciate the fact that 18 goes
into 54 more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore, don't wait up.

Your wife

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g_b A Good One!

2005-03-13 Thread Smarter boy Boy

In a poor zoo of India, a lion was so frustrated as he was offered not more than 1 kg of meat a day. The lion thought it's prayers were answered the day one of Dubai Zoo's Manager visited the zoo and requested the zoo management to shift the lion to the Dubai Zoo.

The lion was so happy and started thinking of a centrally air conditioned environment, a goat or two every day and most importantly a United Arab Emirates residence permit also. On its first day after arrival, the lion was offered a big bag, sealed very nicely for breakfast. The lion opened it quickly but was shocked to see that it contained only peanuts. Then the lion thought that may be they cared too much for him and they were worried about his stomach as he had recently shifted from India.

The next day the same thing happened. On the third day again the same bag of peanuts was delivered. The lion was so furious, it stopped the delivery boy and blasted him, Don't you know I am the lion...king of the Jungle..., what's wrong with your management?
what nonsense is this? why are you delivering peanuts to me? The delivery boy politely said, Sir, I know you are the king of the jungle but ...err... did you know that you have been brought here on a monkey's visa .

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g_b ON THE WRONG FEET!

2005-03-08 Thread Smarter boy Boy

A married couple was on holiday in Pakistan. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop. From inside they heard a gentleman with a Pakistani accent say, You foreigners Come in. Come into my humbleshop. So the married couple walked in.

The Pakistani man said to them, I have some special sandals I think you'd be interested in. They make you wild at sex like a great desert camel.

Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man had claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex hero he was. The husband asked the man, how could sandals make you into a sex freak?

The Pakistani man replied, Why don't you try them on and see for yourself? Well, the husband, after much badgering from his wife, finally conceded to try them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes; something his wife hadn't seen in many years -- raw sexual power.

In a blink of an eye, the husband rushed the Pakistani man, threw him on the table and started tearing at the guy's pants.

All the time the Pakistani man was screaming, YOU HAVE THEM ON THE WRONG FEET YOU HAVE THEM ON THE WRONG FEET!

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g_b A Good One!

2005-03-05 Thread Smarter boy Boy

This duck walks into a convenience store and asks the clerk, Do you have any grapes? The clerk says no, and the duck leaves.

The next day, the duck returns and asks, Do you have any grapes? The clerk again says no, and the duck leaves.

The day after that, the duck walks in the store again and asks Do you have any grapes? The clerk screams at the duck, You've come in here the past two days and asked if we had any grapes. I told you no every time that we don't have any grapes! I swear if you come back in here again, and ask for grapes, I'll nail your webbed feet to the floor!!

The duck left, and returned the next day. This time he asked, Do you have any nails? The clerk replied, No, and the duck said, Good! Got any grapes?

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g_b Dedicated to the silent majority of the Group who wake up once in a while

2005-03-05 Thread Smarter boy Boy

Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed.

Tom slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. Boss, he said, The pill actually worked!

That's all fine said the boss. But where were you yesterday?

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g_b joke

2005-03-04 Thread Smarter boy Boy



An old Arab lives close to New York City for more than 40 years.
He would love to plant potatoes in his garden, but he is alone, old and
weak.

His son is in college in Paris, so the old man sends him an
e-mail. He explains the problem:  Beloved son, I am very sad, because I
can't plant potatoes in my garden. I am sure, if only you were here, you 
helped me and dug up the
garden for me.  I love you, your father.

The following day, the old man receives a response e-mail from
his son:
Beloved father, please don't touch the garden. It's there that
I have hidden 'the THING'.  I love you, too, Ahmed.

At 4pm the US Army, the Marines, the FBI, the CIA and the
Rangers visit the house of the old man, take the whole garden apart, search 
every
inch, but can't find anything.   Dissappointed  they leave the house.

Another day later, the old man receives another e-mail from his
son:

Beloved father, I hope the garden is dug up by now and you can
plant your potatoes. That's all I could do for you from here.  I love you,
Ahmed.  






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g_b OFFICE BOY AT MICROSOFT

2005-03-03 Thread Smarter boy Boy

OFFICE BOY AT MICROSOFT

A jobless man applied for the position of office boy at Microsoft.
The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a
test. You are employed he said. Give me your e-mail address and I'll
send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start.
The man replied But I don't have a computer, neither an email.
I'm sorry, said the HR manager, If you don't have an email, that means
you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job. The man
left with no hope at all.
He didn't know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to
go to the supermarket and buy a 10Kg tomato crate. He then sold the
tomatoes in a door-to-door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to
double his capital. He repeated the operation three
times, and returned home with $60. The man realized that he can survive by
this way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late. Thus, his
money doubled or tripled every day. Shortly, he bought a cart, then a
truck, then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles.
5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the
US.
He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life
insurance. He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan. When
the conversation was concluded, the broker asked him his email. The man
replied, I don't have an email . The broker
answered curiously, You don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to
build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an
email?!! The man thought for a while and replied, Yes, I'd be an office
boy at Microsoft!
Moral of the story
M1- Internet is not the solution to your life.
M2- If you don't have internet, and work hard, you can be a millionaire.
M3- If you received this message by email, you are closer to being an
office boy/girl, than a millionaire...Have a great day!!!

NOTE - Do not forward this email back to me, I' m closing my email going
to sell tomatoes!!! :-)

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g_b Surrogate Father!

2005-03-01 Thread Smarter boy Boy

The Jones' were unable to conceive children, and decided to use a
surrogate father to start their family.
On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Jones kissed his wife and
said, I'm off. The man should be here soon.
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer
rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
Good morning madam. I've come to ..
Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you, Mrs. Jones cut in.
Really? the photographer asked. Well, good! I've made a specialty of
babies.
That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a
seat.
After a moment she asked, blushing, Well, where do we start?
Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
couch and perhaps a couple on the bed.
Sometimes the living room floor is fun too...you can really spread out!

Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me.
Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we
try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles,
I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.
My, my, that's a lot of!! gasped Mrs. Jones.
Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time.
I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed
with that, I'm sure.
Don't I know it, Mrs. Jones muttered.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his
baby pictures. This was done on the top of a bus.
Oh my goodness!! Mrs. Jones exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their
mother was so difficult to work with.
She was difficult? asked Mrs. Jones.
Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the
job done right.
People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good
look.
Four and five deep? asked Mrs. Jones, eyes widened in amazement.
Yes, the photographer said. And for more than three hours, too. The
mother was constantly squealing and yelling I could hardly concentrate!
Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots.
Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just
packed it all in.
Mrs. Jones leaned forward. You mean they actually chewed on your
um...equipment?
That's right.Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so
that we can get to work
Tripod?
Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big
for me to hold for very long.
Madam?
Madam? .. Good Lord, she's fainted!

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g_b Hot Mamma!

2005-02-26 Thread Smarter boy Boy

:-D :-D :-D
92 year-old man went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm. At his follow up visit the doctor talked to the man and said, You're really doing great, aren't you? The man replied, Just doing what you said Doctor, 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful'. The Doctor said, I didn't say that. I said you got a heart murmur. Be careful.

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g_b My sweet Valentine

2005-02-26 Thread Smarter boy Boy




An eldery couple is enjoying an anniversary dinner together
in a small tavern, the husband leans over and asks his wife... 
  
Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty
years ago? We went behind this tavern where you leaned against
the fence and I made love to you. 
  
Yes, she sighs, I remember it well. 
  
Ok, he winks, How about taking a stroll around
there again and do it again for old times sake. 
  
Oooh Henry, you old devil you, that sounds like a good idea,
she giggles. 


There's a police officer sitting in the next booth
listening to all this and having a chuckle to himself. He
thinks, I've got to see this: two old-timers having sex
against a fence, I'll just keep an eye on them so
there's no trouble.

He follows them out... 
 


  
They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support,
aided by walking sticks. Finally they get to the back of the
tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her
skirt, takes her knickers down and the old man drops his trousers,
she turns around and as she hangs on to the fence, the old man
moves in, suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that
the watching policeman has ever seen. 
  
They are bucking and jumping like eighteen-year-olds. This
goes on for about forty minutes! She's yelling Oh God, Ohhh Goddd
and he's hanging on to her hips for dear life, moaning Uuuggghhh Uuugghhh..

This is the most athletic sex imaginable. Finally, they both collapse
panting on the ground. 

 
The policeman is amazed, he thinks he has learned
something about life that he didn't know. 

 
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering,
the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. 

 
The policeman, still watching thinks, That was truly amazing,
he was going like a train. I've got to ask him what his secret is. 

 
As the couple pass, he says to them, That was something else,
you must have been having sex for about forty minutes. How do
you manage it? You must have had a fantastic sex life together...
Is there some sort of secret? 

 
No, there's no secret the old man cusses.
Fifty years ago that darn fence wasn't electrified 

 

  






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g_b Short items

2005-02-26 Thread Smarter boy Boy

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain.
Carol Leifer

I think men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They have experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Rita Rudner

I went into MacDonalds yesterday and said I'd like some fries.
The girl at the counter said Would you like some fries with that.
Jay Leno

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.
Ellen DeGeneris

What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A vampire only sucks blood at night.

How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.

Sam: Would you punish me for some thing I didn't do?
Teacher: No, of course not.
Sam: Good, because I didn't do my homework.

What is defference between man and Superman?
Man wears underwear under the trouser and superman wears it over the trouser.

Doctor! I have a serious problem, I can never remember what I just said.
When did you first notice this problem?
What problem?

I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

Men are like horoscopes: They always tell you what to do, and they are always wrong.

Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?
When it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there.

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g_b A Good One!

2005-02-25 Thread Smarter boy Boy



 A man enters a bar with a small monkey.  The monkey goes around jumping all 
over the place while the man drinks his beer in comfort. 

The monkey takes some peanuts from a table and eats them.  Then he jumps onto 
the Billiards table, grabs a Billiard ball and swallows it. 

The pub lord cries out, Damn, did you see what your monkey did just now ? 

No, says the man, What ? 

Pub Lord: It has swallowed a whole billiard ball. 

Man, Now that does not surprise me.  The little bastard eats all that he can 
find. 

Two weeks later the man comes to the same pub again and he is accompanied by 
his money once again. 

The monkey jumps on a table once again.  Finds a glass with an olive in it, 
takes the olive, pushes it inside his arse (yes, no typo), takes it out, and 
eats it up. 

The pub lord gets very angry and shouts at the man: Did you see what your 
little monkey did just now ? No, What?, asks the man. 

It took an olive from a glass, put it inside his arse, pulled it out and ate 
it up. 

Oh, is that so, said the man, Now that does not surprise me at all.  The 
little bastard still eats everything that he can find.  But since he ate the 
billiard ball, he has turned slightly careful and measures everything first 
before eating it





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g_b SIPLE SIMON!

2005-02-25 Thread Smarter boy Boy



Lallua and Pramod were walking on the sea beach on the French Reviera.  Pramod 
was wearing a G String Swimsuit (the forerunner of the loincloth mentioned in 
one of Ramani's earlier mails), and Lallua was wearing his striped underwear 
(as was the fashion in Kanpur). 


Now Lallua got suddenly very jealous seeing that all French beauties were 
ogling Pramod.  They used to come up to him, they used to have a small five 
minutes conversation, and then Pramod used to vanish with one of the beauties 
somewhere for about an hour or so. After coming back, some other beauty used to 
come up to Pramod, chat him up, and disappear with him again for an hour or so. 

Lallua asked Pramod in the evening when Pramod felt like rejuvenating his 
depleted reserves ... 'Hey man, how do you do it ?  How do you get these girls 
to come up to you ?'  Pramod told Lallua, If you really are interested then 
you must shed your striped underwear and wear a sexy swimsuit like mine. 

Lallua tried it out the next day.  No gains. Nothing happened. 

In the evening, he sought out Pramod once again while Pramod was resting in 
between his bouts, and asked for his advice ... Hey Guru, I tried it the way 
that you had said.  It didn't work. 

Hearing this, Pramod opened his eyes and burst out laughing ... because even 
though Lallua had work the G String swimsuit, it was just lying flat and 
lifeless on his body. 

Seeing this, Lallua turned red and said, Pramod Bhai, you know I can't help 
it.  The size of my balance sheet is only this much.  Don't have more assets. 
Please tell me what to do.. 

Pramod thought about it for a moment and said, You know what, you must give an 
impression of strength. So why don't you buy two medium sized potatoes and put 
them inside the swimsuit.  You will definitely score heavily thereafter. 

Lallua went ahead and bought those medium sized potatoes, put them inside his 
swimsuit and was seen strutting around the beach throughout the next day. 

Again, nothing happened.  So he sought out Pramod once again in the evening and 
told him the sad story. See Pramod, I still have the potatoes in my swimsuit, 
just the way you asked me to, and I still did not score ? 

Pramod once again opened his eyes and burst out laughing ... for a simple soul 
as Lallua was, he had put the potatoes in the back of his swimsuit instead of 
in the front and it appeared as if he had ... BOOBS!!!





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g_b Mostly u will get friends here who will want friendship with sex!

2005-02-25 Thread Smarter boy Boy



Hi Sushant,
Saw yr mail and was very intrigued...!
Coming to the a Gay site and asking for friendships  
and also saying that u want friendship ONLY and are 
not into sex! Boy! It's difficult call! Mostly u will 
get friends here who will want friendship with sex!
If u dont want sex with friends then WHY come to this 
forum at all? Why not logically go to a site for 
Friends/Pen-Friends?  :-)
... ... ... Think about it!
 Smartie





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g_b With Apologies the Sardars in this group!

2005-02-24 Thread Smarter boy Boy



Ek dost ne sardar se poocha yaar tu hamesha foreign channel kyon dekhta rehta 
hai 

Sardar yaar kuch bijli unki bhi kharcha hone do. 



Four hightech sardar inventions: ---Waterproof towel ---Solar powered torch 
---Book on how to read ---Pedal powered wheel chair. 


Why did sardar cut the sides of the capsule before taking it? Guess what---To 
avoid side effects!!! 


Sardar ke bagiche me bahut pedh the. Sardar ne naukar se bola pedho ko pani 
dal. Naukar bola sahib barish ho rahi hai sardar : abe budhu chatripakdke dal 
na. 


5Man:sardarji where were u born? sardarji: punjab. man: which part. Sardar: oye 
part part kya kar raha hai, whole body is born in punjab. 


Lawyer to sardar: Gita pe haath laga kar kaho ke ---Sardar :yeh kya, sita pe 
haath lagaya to court me bulaiya. ab fir gita pe haath. 

Ek teacher ne sardar se puchha akal badhi ya bhais  Sardar bola sir pehle 
date of birth to batao. 




Why was sardarji writing the exam near the door bcoz it was an entrance exam. 


Banta's son:dad there is some one on the door 2 collect donations for a 
swimming pool. Banta: give him a glass of water. 



Santa:I am a proud sardar, my son is in medical college. Banta: really what is 
he studying? santa: he is not studying they r studying him. 


Height of stupidity: two sardar fighting for the window seat on a scooter.





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Re: g_b sex, married men and honesty

2005-02-23 Thread Smarter boy Boy



Aye Aye...Captain! Well said!
Smartie  


On Tue, 22 Feb 2005 Ajay sharma wrote :
Hi, One should appreciate the fact that he is open about his maritial status 
and he is offering a friendship. How many people with false names, Id's and 
lots of untold truth we meet in our lives, so appreciate the fact that soemoen 
is upfront. What sex got to do with itpeopel often confuse the issue. 
When the same is said about hetrosexual life, that sex is for enjoyemnt not a 
virtue to be exchanged for a life long warranty of free food and Home, same 
here Like the sexy character from the serial  Jack n Jill running on Zee 
English says Sex is Sex, Yoga is Yoga.. Imagine the emotional pain you 
would have felt of knowing the guy is marrid after you ahve your few rounds of 
Romp in bed and you got emotionally attached, here its a open the person is 
upfront with what he is offering and what he is expecting So guyz 
appreciate soemone who is upfront and open about his status in this false and 
stupid world of debuchry and opportunist peopel around us. You ahve a chocie of 
meetign him or accepting his freindship, but no right to condem or ridicule 
him, like the way you would not like anyone do it to you about your and my 
sexual prefences. Iam all for Liv and let live funda.hope didnt hurt 
anyone and if anyone is hurt let it be. Luv Ajay Vikas Desa





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Re: g_b Tuesday's Tease

2005-02-23 Thread Smarter boy Boy



  
Wrong! 
Sometimes there is a wet Ass too! ;-)
Smartie

On Tue, 22 Feb 2005 asfan   wrote :

A rooster is walking along one day when he comes to a riverbank with a big bag 
of cat food beside it. Uninterested in the bag, he looks over to the other side 
and sees a huge bag of chicken feed, which instantly makes his mouth water. 
Beside the bag of feed is a small cat that is hungrily eyeing the cat food on 
his side.
The two look at each other and wonder what to do. The rooster says, I know, if 
we run  jump high enough we should be able to make it to the other side.
The cat responds OK, let's give it a try
The rooster heads back about 15 feet, makes a run for it and jumps as high as 
he can. He flaps his wings like crazy and just makes it to the bag and starts 
devouring the chicken feed.
The cat, now more motivated than ever, heads back about 20 feet and makes a run 
for it. He jumps, and SPLASH! He lands right in the middle of the river.
The Moral of the Story:
For every satisfied cock, there's a wet pussy!






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g_b Globally banned - Though not in India!

2005-02-23 Thread Smarter boy Boy

India has become a dumping ground for banned drugs; also the business for
production of banned drugs is blooming. Plz make sure that u buy drugs only
if prescribed by a doctor(Also, ask which company manufactures it, this
would help to ensure that u get what is prescribed at the Drug Store) and
that also from a reputed drug store. Not many people know about these
banned drugs and consume them causing a lot of damage to themselves. We do
forward Jokes and and other junk all the time. This is far more important.
Plz Make sure u forward it every one u know.
DANGEROUS DRUGS THESE DRUGS HAVE BEEN GLOBALLY DISCARDED BUT ARE AVAILABLE
IN INDIA. The most common ones are D cold, action 500 Nimulid.
ANALGIN:
This is a pain-killer. Reason for ban: Bone marrow depression.
Brand name: Novalgin
___
CISAPRIDE:
Acidity, constipation. Reason for ban : irregular heartbeat
Brand name : Ciza, Syspride

DROPERIDOL:
Anti-depressant. Reason for ban : Irregular heartbeat.
Brand name :Droperol
__
FURAZOLIDONE:
Antidiarrhoeal. Reason for ban : Cancer.
Brand name : Furoxone, Lomofen
_
NIMESULIDE:
Painkiller, fever. Reason for ban : Liver failure.
Brand name : Nise, Nimulid

NITROFURAZONE:
Antibacterial cream. Reason for ban : Cancer.
Brand name : Furacin

PHENOLPHTHALEIN:
Laxative. Reason for ban : Cancer.
Brand name : Agarol

PHENYLPROPANOLAMINE:
cold and cough. Reason for ban : stroke.
Brand name : D'cold, Vicks Action-500

OXYPHENBUTAZONE:
Non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug. Reason for ban : Bone marrow
depression.
Brand name : Sioril

PIPERAZINE:
Anti-worms. Reason for ban : Nerve damage.
Brand name : Piperazine

QUINIODOCHLOR:
Anti-diarrhoeal. Reason for ban : Damage to sight.
Brand name :Enteroquinol

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g_b Chanakya Neeti(must read good)

2005-02-23 Thread Smarter boy Boy

Chanakya Neeti(must read good)

A person should not be too honest. Straight trees are cut first and honest people are screwed first.
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)

Even if a snake is not poisonous, it should pretend to be venomous.
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)

The biggest guru-mantra is: Never share your secrets with anybody. It will destroy you.
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)

There is some self-interest behind every friendship. There is no friendship without self-interests. This is a bitter truth.
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)

Before you start some work, always ask yourself three questions - Why am I doing it, What the results might be and Will I be successful. Only when you think deeply and find satisfactory answers to these questions, go ahead.
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)

As soon as the fear approaches near, attack and destroy it.
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)

The world's biggest power is the youth and beauty of a woman.
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)

Once you start a working on something, don't be afraid of failure and don't abandon it. People who work sincerely are the happiest.
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)

The fragrance of flowers spreads only in the direction of the wind. But the goodness of a person spreads in all direction.
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)

God is not present in idols. Your feelings are your god. The soul is your temple.
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)

A man is great by deeds, not by birth.
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)

Never make friends with people who are above or below you in status. Such friendships will never give you any happiness.
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)

Treat your kid like a darling for the first five years. For the next five years, scold them. By the time they turn sixteen, treat them like a friend. Your grown up children are your best friends.
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)

Books are as useful to a stupid person as a mirror is useful to a blind person.
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)

Education is the best friend. An educated person is respected everywhere. Education beats the beauty and the youth.
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)

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g_b I know, but can you imagine....

2005-02-23 Thread Smarter boy Boy

A young man walks into a jeweler's shop late one
Friday, with a beautiful young lady on his side. I'm
looking for a special ring for my girlfriend he
says. The jeweler looks through his stock, and takes
out an outstanding ring priced at £4500.

I don't think you understand ... I want something
very unique, the young man says. At that, the jeweler
goes and fetches a special ring from the safe. Here's
one stunning ring at £33000.

The girls' eyes sparkle and the young man says with a
smile I'll take it

How are you paying?, asks the jeweler.

I'll pay by cheque, but of course you would want to
make sure that everything is in order, so I'll write
you a cheque and you can phone the bank on Monday and
I'll collect the ring on Monday afternoon?

Monday morning a very irate jeweler phones the man.
You lied - there's no money in that account!

I know, but can you imagine what a fantastic weekend
I had?

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g_b Interesting

2005-02-21 Thread Smarter boy Boy

Hi all,

It's really worth trying during meeting sessions.
This tip helps a lot for almost all of us.

Practical tip...

1. Before (or during) your next meeting, seminar, or
conference call, prepare yourself by drawing a
square. 5x 5 is a good size. Divide the card into
columns, five across and five down. That will give
you

25 one-inch blocks.

2. Write one of the following words/phrases in each
block:

* synergy

* strategic fit

* core competencies

* best practice

* bottom line

* revisit

* take that off-line

* 24/7

* out of the loop

* benchmark

* value-added

* pro-active

* win-win

* think outside the box

* fast track

* result-driven

* empower (or empowerment)

* knowledge base

* at the end of the day

* touch base

* mind-set

* client focus(ed)

* paradigm

* game plan

* leverage And last but not least

* MOVING FORWARD..

3. Check off the appropriate block when you hear one
of those words/phrases.

4. When you get five blocks horizontally,
vertically, or diagonally, stand up and shout,
BINGO!

Testimonials from satisfied Bingo players:

I had been in the meeting for only five minutes
when I won.

-Paul D., Caloundra

My attention span at meetings has improved
dramatically.

- DavidD., Rockhampton

The atmosphere was tense in the last process
meeting as 14 of us waited for the fifth box.

- Ben G., Sydney

The speaker was stunned as eight of us screamed
'Bingo!' for the third time in two hours.

- Kathleen L., Canberry

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g_b A Must Read

2005-02-19 Thread Smarter boy Boy

This is a must read!

The Ant and the Grasshopper

CLASSIC VERSION...

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer
long, building his house and laying up supplies for
the winter.

The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and
dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The
grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in
the cold.

MODERN VERSION...

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer
long, building his house and laying up supplies for
the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and
laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press
conference and demands to know why the ant should be
allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold
and starving.

BBC, CNN, NDTV show up to provide pictures of the
shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in
his comfortable home with a table filled with food.

The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can
this be that this poor grasshopper is allowed to
suffer so?

Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the
ant's house.

Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticizes the
Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of
the grasshopper.

The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking
support to the grasshopper.

Opposition MP's stage a walkout.

Left parties call for Bharat Bandh in West Bengal
and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry.

Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the Prevention
of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act [POTAGA], with
effect from the beginning of the winter.

The ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA
and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes,
his home is confiscated by the government and handed
over to the grasshopper in a ceremony covered by
BBC,CNN and NDTV.

Arundhati Roy calls it a triumph of justice.

Koffi Annan invites the grasshopper to address the UN
General Assembly.

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g_b MOTHER

2005-02-16 Thread Smarter boy Boy

MOTHER

When you were 1 year old, she fed you and bathed you.
You thanked her by crying all night long.

When you were 2 years old, she taught you to walk.
You thanked her by running away when she called.

When you were 3 years old,she made all your meals
with love.
You thanked her by tossing your plate on the floor.

When you were 4 years old, she gave you some crayons
You thanked her by coloring the dining room table.

When you were 5 years old, she dressed you for the
holidays.

You thanked her by plopping into the nearest pile of
mud.

When you were 6 years old, she walked you to school.
You thanked her by screaming, I'M NOT GOING!

When you were 7 years old, she bought you a baseball.

You thanked her by throwing it through the
next-door-neighbor's window.

When you were 8 years old, she handed you an ice
cream.
You thanked her by dripping it all over your lap.

When you were 9 years old, she paid for piano
lessons.
You thanked her by never even bothering to practice.

When you were 10 years old she drove you all day,
from soccer to gymnastics to one birthday party after
another.
You thanked her by jumping out of the car and never
looking back.

When you were 11 years old, she took you and your
friends to the movies.
You thanked her by asking to sit in a different row.

When you were 12 years old, she warned you not to
watch certain TV shows.
You thanked her by waiting until she left the house.

When you were 13, she suggested a haircut that was
becoming.
You thanked her by telling her she had no taste.

When you were 14, she paid for a month away at summer
camp.
You thanked her by forgetting to write a single
letter.

When you were 15, she came home from work, looking
for a hug.
You thanked her by having your bedroom door locked.

When you were 16, she taught you how to drive her
car.
You thanked her by taking it every chance you could.

When you were 17, she was expecting an important
call.
You thanked her by being on the phone all night.

When you were 18, she cried at your high school
graduation.
You thanked her by staying out partying until dawn.

When you were 19, she paid for your college
tuition,drove you to
campus,carried your bags.
You thanked her by saying good-bye outside the dorm
so you wouldn't be
embarrassed in front of your friends.

When you were 20, she asked whether you were seeing
anyone.
You thanked her by saying, It's none of your
business

When you were 21, she suggested certain careers for
your future.
You thanked her by saying, I don't want to be like
you

When you were 22, she hugged you at your college
graduation.
You thanked her by asking whether she could pay for a
trip to Europe.

When you were 23, she gave you furniture for your
first apartment.
You thanked her by telling your friends it was ugly.

When you were 24, she met your fiance and asked about
your plans for the
future.
You thanked her by glaring and
growling,Muuhh-ther,please!

When you were 25, she helped to pay for your
wedding,and she cried and
told
you how deeply she loved you.
You thanked her by moving halfway across the country.

When you were 30, she called with some advice on the
baby.
You thanked her by telling her, Things are different
now.

When you were 40, she called to remind you of a
relative's birthday.
You thanked her by saying you were really busy right
now.

When you were 50, she fell ill and needed you to take
care of her.
You thanked her by reading about the burden parents
become to their
children.

Think about how you have been TREATING your MOTHER.

IF SHE'S STILL AROUND, NEVER FORGET TO LOVE HER MORE
THAN EVER.

AND IF SHE'S NOT, REMEMBER HER UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.

MOTHER is always a MOTHER !!!

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g_b LIFE

2005-02-16 Thread Smarter boy Boy

Here is wonderful a take on LIFE

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a
monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the
door, and says, My car broke down. Do you think I
could stay the night?

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even
fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears
a strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks
what the sound was, but they say, We can't tell you.
You're not a monk.

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and
goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same
man breaks down in front of the same monastery.

The monks gain accept him, feed him, even fix his car.

That night, he hears the same strange noise that he
had heard years earlier.

The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks
reply, We can't tell you. You're not a monk.

The man says, All right, all right. I'm dying to know.
If the only way I can find out what that sound was is
to become a monk, how do I become a monk?

The monks reply, You must travel the earth and tell us
how many blades of grass there are and the exact
number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers,
you will become a monk.

The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years
later, he returns and knocks on the door of the
monastery. He says, I have travelled the earth and
have found what you have asked for. There are
145,236,284,232 blades of grass and
231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.

The monks reply, Congratulations. You are now a monk.
We shall now show you the way to the sound.

The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the
head monk says, The sound is right behind that door.

The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked.
He says, Real funny. May I have the key?

The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.

Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone.
The man demands the key to the stone door.

The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to
find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from
the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another
door, this one made of sapphire. So it went until the
man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz,
and amethyst.

Finally, the monks say, This is the last key to the
last door.

The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door,
turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to
find the source of that strange sound.

. . . . But I can't tell you what it is because you're
not a monk.

Life is a Lesson... U learn it when u r
through!!!

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g_b A Good Read!

2005-02-14 Thread Smarter boy Boy

Hi All

A book given to me as gift was fascinating in its theory and the possibilities it unfolds. Dr C K Prahalad's Fortune at the bottom of the pyramid. He tries to argue that the vast populace in the underdeveloped world is a huge market potential to multinationals also provided they innovate and come out with products and processes which provide value at the price these markets can afford. He argues that this is possible and quotes the live examples of such experiments and successful ones in India and South America mainly Brazil. As he is arguing for multinationals to enter and gain from this market he gives prominence to examples of HLL and ITC - Wheel detergent, sachets and e-choupal of ITC (to make the farmer know the market for his produce before venturing out to sell). ICICI bank's ability to project itself has made their Self Help Group effort borrowed from Bank of Madura and developed essentially to achieve prority sector targets as a pioneering effort on micro financing while the credit for that lies in Bangladesh and later in NABARD for copying it. SBI has more SHGs than ICICI but as he is concentrating on private sector attempt at poverty alleviation it does not matter. What I felt bad about the whole exercise was not giving as much prominence to the Amul experiment as it deserves especially when it literally transformed the fortunes of the nation through its milk revolution. Again co-operatives are not multinationals. But what is commendable about the book is the writing style and the arguments to make MNCs see this as a great busines opportunity with the help of NGOs by building up new markets altogether and then emulating that experience elsewhere to create newer ones. Will be of interest to Jagan and others who are into microfinancing in a big way to get private sector initiatives into this vast area which will also make political sense and not cause characters like Chandrababu Naidu to be sidelined as urban biased before they could take forward the e revolution to rural areas in a big way. Happy Reading.The case studies portion is yet to be read. The book also carries CD on some case studies. A brand new experience for me who is accustomed to old time academics.

Smartie

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g_b lengthy but interesting article on how ICICI changed under Kamath

2005-02-11 Thread Smarter boy Boy






 A lengthy but interesting article on how ICICI changed under Kamath - Neeraj 

Click the following to access the sent link:
Rediff.com - K V Kamath on how to manage change 
 
http://www.rediff.com/money/2005/feb/09bspec.htm






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g_b The Power of Human Mind. - Truly Amazing!!!

2005-02-11 Thread Smarter boy Boy

Hi,

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd
waht I was rdanieg. Teh phaonemneal pweor of the hmuan
mnid Aodccrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde
Uinervtisy, it dnsoe't mttaer in waht oredr the
ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is
taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae.
The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it
wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the hmuan mnid deos
not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a
wlohe. Azmanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuoht slpeling
was ipmorantt.

Smartie

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g_b THE NEW OFFICE RULES!!

2005-02-08 Thread Smarter boy Boy

THESE ARE THE NEW OFFICE RULES!!
SICKNESS AND RELATED LEAVE:

We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are
able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

SURGERY:

Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all
your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To
have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

YOUR OWN DEATH:

This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks
notice as it is your duty to train your own replacement.

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead
friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have
non-employee attend to the arrangements. In rare cases, where employee
involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late
afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and
subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of work is done enough.

RESTROOM USE:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will
follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, all employees
whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8:00 to 8:10, employees whose names
begin with 'B' will go from 8:10 to 8:20 and so on. If you are unable to go at
your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your
turn comes again. In extreme emergencies, employees may swap their time with a
coworker. Both employees' supervisors in writing must approve this exchange. In
addition, there is a strict 3 - minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of
three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract and the
stall door will open

THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR LOYALTY TO THE COMPANY. WE ARE HERE TO PROVIDE A
POSITIVE EMPLOYMENT EXPERIENCE. THEREFORE, ALL QUESTIONS, COMMENTS, CONCERNS,
COMPLAINTS, FRUSTRATIONS, IRRITATIONS, AGGRAVATIONS, INSINUATIONS, ALLEGATIONS,
ACCUSATIONS, CONTEMPLATIONS, CONSTERNATIONS, OR INPUT SHOULD BE DIRECTED
ELSEWHERE.

HAVE A NICE WEEK.

THE MANAGEMENT

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g_b Pain in the....

2005-02-04 Thread Smarter boy Boy

Hi All,
Recently I happened to attend a lecture by A Swami
Paramarthananda who conducts classes on vedanta and he
narrated the following story and extended it to our
interactions with the world in a very thought
provoking mannaer:
It seems a patient went to see a doctor complaining of
severe body pain.The doc asked him about the specific
areas in which he experienced pain.To prove to the
doctor that he had pain all over his body the patient
then touched various parts of his own body with his
finger tips and any part that his fingertips touched
made him really scream out in pain. The doc was
concerned and decided to do a full series of tests.
The doc met the patient with the test results and told
him that Yes u hav some severe infection- but that is
not in your entire system but only localised in your
finger tips. The swamiji then went on to extend it to
our interactions with the world and said that most of
the time we feel that the rest of the world is
incorrect and unfair in their dealings with us, but
the problem cud lie else where -our own finger tips
i.e the way we touch the world!!!
Cheers!
Smartie

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g_b Matter-o-fact!

2005-02-04 Thread Smarter boy Boy






A woman walked into the doctor's but didn't like the way he was looking at her. When he told her to undress she asked him to turn out the lights before she disrobed. After he turned out the lights she said:

Where will I put my clothes?

Hang them up over here, he replied, next to mine.

 







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g_b Apology to Non veggies

2005-02-04 Thread Smarter boy Boy

A homeless man stops at a farmhouse to beg to spend the night. The farmer answers the door and says Sure, we can put you up.

The vagrant washes up for dinner and meets the family downstairs. Sitting at the dinner table are the farmer, his wife, their son, and a gigantic pig who is sitting at the table like a human. Throughout the meal the vagrant tries not to stare at the pig, who sports three medals around his neck, as well as a wooden leg.

Finally, he can contain his curiosity no longer. He asks Would you mind telling me about the bronze medal around your pig's neck?

The farmer says Sure. It's really an incredible story. Little Timmy here was swimming in the lake when he got a cramp and started to drown. This pig heard his cries for help, busted out of his pen, ran to the lake, and saved our son's life. So, we gave him the medal.

The vagrant is amazed and says Well, how about that silver medal?

The farmer says A few months ago our house caught fire in the middle of the night while we were all sleeping. This pig saw the flames, busted out of his pen and ran into the house, waking us up in time. To show our gratitude we gave him that silver medal.

The homeless man says While I'm at it, I might as well ask you about the gold medal.

The farmer says My wife was attacked by a burglar several weeks ago. This pig heard her cries, busted out of his pen, and chased that man far away. To show my thanks I gave him that gold medal

The homeless man sits in awe of the pig, who is blithely eating his meal with a knife and fork. He asks What about the wooden leg?

The farmer says, matter-of-factly, Well, you don't eat a pig like THAT all at once.

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g_b Not Enough!

2005-02-03 Thread Smarter boy Boy

A woman was helping her husband set up his
computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, told him that he
would now need to enter a password.. Something he will use to log on. The
husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the
shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer
asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife
that he was keying in

P...
E...
N...
I...
S.

His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:

***PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH***

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g_b Back to Square ONE

2005-02-03 Thread Smarter boy Boy

Most of us understand that our self worth and feelings of achievement change as we go through life. While everyone has different aspirations, it appears we all have some common benchmarks for what success is. Really it all depends on your age. Consider the following:

At age 4, success is not peeing your pants

At age 16, success is gettin' a little

At age 25, success is graduation and a wedding

At age 35, success is about career and family

At age 55, success is about graduations and weddings

At age 65, success is gettin' a little

At age 80, success is not peeing your pants!

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g_b joke

2005-02-03 Thread Smarter boy Boy

An English teacher is teaching some children in front of the School
Inspector. Bachon. Bolo Gadha. The children repeat, Gadha. Then he
says, Bolo. Gadhe ke peeche ek aur gadha . The children repeat. The
teacher says, Bolo, uske peeche main. The children repeat. Then the
teacher adds, Bolo, uske peeche saara desh. The children repeat.
The Inspector is flabbbergasted. What the hell ! Are you teaching English in the class?

The teacher says, Sir. I am teaching children how to spell ASSASSINATION

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g_b A Real Good One!

2005-02-02 Thread Smarter boy Boy

A bus stops and two Italian men
get on. They sit down and engage in an animated
conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores
them at first, but her attention is galvanized when
she hears one of the men say the following: Emma come
first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come
once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I
come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time.
You foul-mouthed s e x obsessed swine, retorted the
lady indignantly. In this countrywe don't speak
aloud in public places about our s e x lives.
Hey, coola down lady, said the man. Who talkin'
abouta s e x? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to
spella Mississippi'. I BET YOU READ THIS AGAIN!!!

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g_b Joke

2005-02-02 Thread Smarter boy Boy

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by themselves.

The lad asked, What is this, father?

The father (having never seen an elevator) responded, I have no idea what it is.

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.

The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out.

The father looked at his son anxiously and said,
Go quickly and get your mother. This seems to be very good technology!

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g_b A Good One!

2005-02-01 Thread Smarter boy Boy

Lewis's cousin, the farmer, ordered a high-tech milking machine. Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first. So, he inserted his penis into the equipment, turned the switch on and everything else was automatic.

Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with as much pleasure as his wife did. When the fun was over, though, he quickly realized that he couldn't remove the instrument from his penis. He read the manual but didn't find any useful information. He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success. Finally, the farmer decided to call the supplier's Customer Service Hot Line.

Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder? Don't worry, replied the customer service rep, The machine will release automatically once it's collected two gallons.

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g_b CUSTOMER CARE IN 2020

2005-02-01 Thread Smarter boy Boy

CUSTOMER CARE IN 2020

Operator : Thank you for calling Pizza Hut . May I have your...

Customer: Heloo, can I order..

Operator : Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?
Customer: It's eh..., hold..
on..889861356102049998-45-54610

Operator : OK... you're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 Jalan
Kayu. Your home number is 4094! 2366, your office 76452302 and your
mobile is 0142662566. Which number are you calling from now Sir?

Customer: Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?

Operator : We are connected to the system Sir

Customer: May I order your Seafood Pizza...

Operator : That's not a good idea Sir

Customer: How come?

Operator : According to your medical records, you have high blood
pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir

Customer: What?... What do you recommend then?

Operator : Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it

Customer: How do you know for sure?

Operator : You borrowed a book entitled Popular Hokkien Dishes from
the National Library last week Sir

Customer: OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how much
will that cost?

Operator : That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total
is $49.99

Customer: Can I pay by! credit card?

Operator : I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is
over the limit and you owe your bank $3,720.55 since October last year.
That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan,
Sir.

Customer: I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw
some cash before your guy arrives

Operator : You can't Sir. Based on the records,you've reached your
daily limit on machine withdrawal today

Customer: Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready.
How long is it gonna take anyway?

Operator : About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always
come and collect it on your motorcycle...

Customer: What!

Operator : According to the details in system ,you own a
Scooter,...registration number 1123...

Customer:

Operator : Is there anything else Sir?

Customer: Nothing... by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free
bottles of cola as advertised?

Operator : We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also

diabetic...

Customer: #$$^%[EMAIL PROTECTED] mailto:#$$%5E%[EMAIL PROTECTED]

Operator Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 1987 you
were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman...?

Customer: [Faints]

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Re: g_b Hate mail

2005-01-30 Thread Smarter boy Boy



Yes Asfan Dear,
Even I got a similar mail and promptly IGNORED it...
That's thye best thing to do with such meaningless silly mails!
Cheers!
Smartie  






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g_b The Bonds of Friendship

2005-01-29 Thread Smarter boy Boy

The Bonds of Friendship

When days are filled with sunshine,
How close we hold a friend.
It's good to share the laughter
And dreams that have no end.
But when the days are shadowed
And touched with pain or grief,
The bonds of friendship tighten
Almost beyond belief.

The burdens aren't so heavy
When someone takes your hand,
And not a word is needed
For true friends to understand.

The world would be more lonely
In sunny hours or grey,
Without the bonds of friendship
To help us every day.

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g_b Ah Heaven!!

2005-01-28 Thread Smarter boy Boy

Ah Heaven!!
~

The couple were 85 years old, and had been married for sixty years.

Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they
watched their pennies.

Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to
the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade.

One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare
vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven.

They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside.

He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks,
with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath.

A maid could be seen hanging their favorite clothes in the closet.

They gasped in astonishment when he said, Welcome to Heaven. This will
be your home now.

The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost.

Why, nothing, Peter replied, remember, this is your reward in
Heaven.

The old man looked out the window and right there he saw a championship
golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth.

What are the greens fees?, grumbled the old man.

This is heaven, St. Peter replied. You can play for free, every
day.

Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with
every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to
exotic deserts, free flowing beverages.

Don't even ask, said St. Peter to the man. This is Heaven, it is all
free for you to enjoy.

The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife.

Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods, and the
decaffeinated tea? he asked.

That's the best part, St. Peter replied. You can eat and drink as
much as you like of whatever you like, and you will never get fat or
sick. This is Heaven!

The old man pushed, No gym to work out at?

Not unless you want to, was the answer.

No testing my sugar or blood pressure or... Never again. All you do
here is enjoy yourself.

The old man glared at his wife and said, You and your damn healthy food
We could have been here ten years ago!

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g_b BHAI KA RESUME!

2005-01-28 Thread Smarter boy Boy

Bhai Ka Resume

Pakya Bhai Supariwala

Objective:

To obtain a challenging position as a Crime Implementation Analyst
(CIA)

Date of birth : Not yet known

Education:

* B.S. (Crime Technology) Tihar Jail, India, August 1994

* M.S. (Criminal Sciences) Virginia Prison for International
Smugglers and the Unlawful Activists(VPISUA), August 1996.

Thesis:

On escaping from high security prisons like Alcatraz with minimal
efforts

Coursework:

Cop Psychology, Plastic Explosives Technology, Bomb Controls and
Timer Device Theory, International Smuggling and Drug
Trafficking, Object Oriented Crime Design

Work Experience:

* Research Assistant, LTTE Labs, Jaffna, Aug 1990-Aug 1991

* Worked on the prestigious Belt Bomb project

* Developed instant death cyanide capsules in orange, strawberry;
and mint flavors (Patent# 007,13,666)

Summer Internship:

Dawood Ibrahim and Haji Mastan Associates, Bombay, June1987-July1990

* Worked as a hitman and was responsible for many supari style
killings

* Participated in election rigging in Bihar and made hafta
Collections

Honors Achievements:

* Won 1980 Gabbar Singh Memorial Award (given to child prodigies in
crime)

* Member, IPKF (Indian Professional Killers Forum) student chapter

* Performer of the year in 2004 General Elections in Bihar U.P.

* Strong hold on Govt. NGOs.

* Specialized in extortion,illegal construction business fake
academic degree supply.

References:

* Dr. Charles Sobhraj, Full Time Prof., Tihar Jail, New Delhi

* Dr. Chandra Swamy, Visiting Faculty Tihar Jail, New Delhi

* Dr. Dawood Ibrahim, Overseas Projects Manager, Dubai

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g_b THE INDIAN MOM

2005-01-25 Thread Smarter boy Boy

THE INDIAN MOM

Mom comes to visit her son Kumar for dinner...who lives with a girl roommate Sunita.

During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Kumar's, roommate was.

She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Kumar and his roommate than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, Kumar volunteered, I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Sunita and I are just roommates. About a week later, Sunita came to Kumar saying, Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver chutney jar. You don't suppose she took it, do you?

Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure.

So he sat down and wrote:

Dear Mother, I'm not saying that you 'did' take the chutney jar from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the chutney jar. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love,

Kumar

Kumar received an email from his Mother which read:

Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Sunita, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Sunita. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the chutney jar by now.

Love,

Mom.

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g_b Teachers, be warned!

2005-01-22 Thread Smarter boy Boy

Teachers, be warned!

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher
said it
was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a
human because even though it was a very large mammal its
throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not
swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, When I get to heaven I will ask
Jonah.

The teacher asked, What if Jonah went to hell?

The little girl replied, Then you ask him.

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of
children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around
to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working
diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, I'm drawing God.

The teacher paused and said, But no one knows what God looks
like.

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the
girl replied, They will in a minute.

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do
the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother
had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her
brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, Why are some of
your hairs white, Mom?

Her mother replied, Well, every time that you do something
wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then
said,
Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was
trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are
all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's
Michael, He's a doctor.'

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, And there's
the teacher, She's dead.

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the
blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, Now, class, if
I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I
would turn red in the face..

Yes, the class said.

Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the
ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet? A little
fellow shouted, Cause your feet ain't empty.

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic
elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large
pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: Take
only ONE. God is watching.

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the
table was a large pile of chocolate chipcookies. A child had written
a note, Take all you want. God is watching the apples.

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g_b Mine is a better-looking one!

2005-01-21 Thread Smarter boy Boy

A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when an absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, tells him she'll see him later, and walks away. His wife glares at him and says, Who was that??!!

Oh replies the husband, that was my mistress. That's it, says the wife, I want a divorce.

Ok, replies her husband, but remember, if you get a divorce there will be no more shopping trips to Paris, no wintering in the Caribbean, no Lexus in the garage, and no more country club. But, the decision is yours.

Just then the wife notices a mutual friend entering the restaurant with a gorgeous woman. Who is that woman with Jim? she asks.

That's his mistress, replies her husband. Ours is much better looking. says the wife.

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g_b Interesting

2005-01-21 Thread Smarter boy Boy

Hi All,
Interesting bit of data!
__
The Year is 1904
Maybe this will boggle your mind, I know it did mine! The year is 1904
... one hundred years ago. What a difference a century makes! Here
are some
of the US statistics for 1904:

The average life expectancy in the US was 47 years.

Only 14% of the homes in the US had a bathtub.

Only 8% of the homes had a telephone.

A three minute call from Denver to New York City cost $11.00

There were only 8,000 cars in the US ,
and only 144 miles of paved roads.

The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.

Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more
heavily
populated than California . With a mere 1.4 million residents,
California
was only the 21st most populous state in the Union .

The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower .

The average wage in the US was 22 cents an hour.

The average US worker made between $200 and $400 per year.

A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year,
a dentist $2,500 per year.

A veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year.

A mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.

More than 95 percent of all births in the US
took place at home.

Ninety % of all US physicians had no college education.
Instead, they
attended medical schools, many of which were condemned in the
press and by
the government as substandard.

Sugar cost four cents a pound.

Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.

Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.

Most women only washed their hair once a month,
and used borax or egg yolks for shampoo.

Canada passed a law prohibiting poor people
from entering the country for any reason.

The five leading causes of death in the US were:

1. Pneumonia and influenza
2. Tuberculosis
3. Diarrhea
4. Heart disease
5. Stroke

The American flag had 45 stars. Arizona , Oklahoma , New
Mexico, Hawaii, and Alaska hadn't been
admitted to the Union yet.

The population of Las Vegas , Nevada , was 30!

Crossword puzzles, canned beer,
and iced tea hadn't been invented.

There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.

Two of 10 US adults couldn't read or write.
Only 6 % of all Americans had graduated high school.

Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the
counter at
corner drugstores. According to one pharmacist, Heroin clears the
complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and
bowels,
and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health. (Shocking!)

Eighteen percent of households in the US
had at least one full-time servant or domestic.

There were only about 230 reported murders in the entire US

I copied this and sent it to you all in a matter of seconds!
Try to imagine what it may be like in another 100 years
... it staggers the mind.

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g_b I could do ANYTHING!

2005-01-20 Thread Smarter boy Boy

A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly. I would do anything to pass this exam.

She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. I mean, she whispers, I would do anything.

He returns her gaze. Anything?

Anything.

His voice turns to a whisper. Would you... study?

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g_b Joke

2005-01-18 Thread Smarter boy Boy






 
Two Lovers plan to Suicide.
Boy jumped first;
Girl closed her eyes, and returns back saying Love is Blind.
The Boy, in mid-air opened his parachute saying Love never Dies..
Cheers







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g_b Beware of Contempt!

2005-01-12 Thread Smarter boy Boy

A small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial -- a grandmotherly, elderly woman.

He approached her and asked, Mrs. Jones, do you know me?

She responded, Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you will never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?

She replied, Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him.

At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench.

In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt!

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g_b Re: gb A good one!

2005-01-10 Thread Smarter boy Boy



Yes Sahil,
I guess u are very right! I too now realise that this joke 
sent to me in another school-mates' group was actually not 
in good taste. I sicerely apologise if some people have felt 
bad, as my intention never was nor will ever be to hurt 
someon'e feelings! SORRY dudes!
Cheers
Smartie  






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g_b joke

2005-01-09 Thread Smarter boy Boy

There was a guy walking down the street in San Fransisco, and he tripped over an old looking oil lamp. He picked it up and hid it under his jacket, because he thaught it was priceless. While he was running to the antique shop to cash this puppy in, it rubbed against his shirt. *POOF* A genie popped out of his pocket!

The very angry looking Genie said, Alright, I have had enough with this three wish stuff, and 'cuz you stole me away from my HBO Special, I will only give you one wish!

The suprised man said, OK, I want to live in Hawaii in a huge condo on the beach with three million dollars in the master bedroom, but I am afraid of boats and planes so I want you to build a bridge from here to Hawaii.

The genie replied with a smirk, Are you crazy? Do you know how long that will take, with the pillars going down to the bottom of the ocean, all the cement it would take for the highway? No I'm sorry, it just can't happen.

The man said with a smile, Fine then, I want to understand women.

The genie said, Would you like two lanes or four?

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g_b A good one!

2005-01-09 Thread Smarter boy Boy

Religion also helps adultery.

There was once a priest who came across a young woman confessing
about her indulging in adultery. He asked her to come to his room for
blessings. He placed an open Bible on which he asked her to lie down
after undressing. The woman even though perplexed obeyed. The priest
undressed and made love to her against her feeble protests. Then he
explained. You came to become pure after your impure act. Now you
are pure. How? You did to me what I felt guilty of and came to
confess about? There's a dfference, my child, the Priest
said. You had holy book beneath you, holy man above you and holy
water inside you. See, now you are pure and holy.

Chari

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g_b Re: [HL] warning

2005-01-09 Thread Smarter boy Boy

Thanks for warning nd,

But I'm facing a similar problem in another group.
All members seem to be getting some wierd mails
with viuses apparently seeming to be sent by me.
I am really troubled and don't know what to do!
Some kind soul/techies, please help.
Smartie

On Sat, 08 Jan 2005 n d wrote :
DO NOT OPEN A ZIP FILE WITH SUBJECT HELLO APPEARS TO BE SENT BY ME.
IT MUST BE A VIRUS

-
Do you Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Mail - 250MB free storage. Do more. Manage less.

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g_b Weight Loss!

2005-01-08 Thread Smarter boy Boy

Mr.Brooke was ordered by his doctor to lose 75 lbs. due to very serious
health risks.

As he wondered how in the heck he would ever do it, he ran across an ad in
the newspaper for a GUARANTEED WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM. Guaranteed. Yeah
right! he thought to himself. But desperate, he calls them up and
subscribes to the 3-day /10 pound weight loss program.

The next day there's a knock at his door, and when he answers, there
stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19-year-old young lady dressed
in nothing but Air Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck. She
introduces
herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads,
If you can catch me, you can have me!

Without a second thought he takes off after her. A few miles later,
huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her.

After they are through and she leaves, he thinks to himself, I like the
way this company does business! The same girl shows up for the next two
days and the same thing happens.

On the fourth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost
10 lbs. as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day /20 pound program. The next
day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning,
beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life, wearing nothing but
Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, If you catch
me, you can have me. He's out the door or after her like a shot.

This girl is in excellent shape and it takes him a while to catch her, but
when he does, it is worth every cramp and wheeze.

For the next four days, the same routine happens. Much to his delight, on
the sixth day, he weighs himself and found he has lost another 20 lbs, as
promised.

He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day / 50
pound program. Are you sure? asks the representative on the phone. This
is our most rigorous program. Absolutely, he replies, I haven't felt
this good in years.

The next day there's a knock at the door, and when he opens it he finds a
muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a
sign around his neck that reads, If I catch you, YOU'RE mine.

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g_b Yellow Roses

2005-01-07 Thread Smarter boy Boy

Yellow Roses

I walked into the grocery store not particularly
interested in buying groceries. I wasn't hungry. The pain of losing my
husband of 7 years was still too raw. And this grocery store held so many
sweet memories.

He often came with me and almost every time he'd
pretend to go off and look for something special. I knew what he was up to. I'd
always spot him walking down the aisle with the three yellow roses in his
hands. He knew I loved yellow roses.

With a heart filled with grief, I only wanted to buy
my few items and leave, but even grocery shopping was different since he had
passed on. Shopping for one took time, a little more thought than it had for
two.
Standing by the meat, I searched for the perfect small steak and remembered
how he had loved his steak.

Suddenly a woman came beside me. She was blonde, slim
and lovely in a soft green pantsuit. I watched as she picked up a large
pack of T-bones, dropped them in her basket, hesitated, and then put them
back.

She turned to go and once again reached for the pack
of steaks. She saw me watching her and she smiled. My husband loves
T-bones, but honestly, at these prices, I don't know.

I swallowed the emotion down my throat and met her
pale blue eyes. My husband passed away eight days ago, I told her.
Glancing at the package in her hands, I fought to control the tremble in my
voice. Buy him the steaks. And cherish every moment you
have together. She shook her head and I saw the emotion in her eyes as she
placed the package in her basket and wheeled away. I turned and pushed my cart
across the length of the store to the dairy products. There I stood,trying
to decide which size milk I should buy. Quart, I finally decided and moved
on to the ice cream.
If nothing else, I could always fix myself an ice
cream cone. I placed the ice cream in my cart and looked down the aisle toward
the front.

I saw first the green suit, then recognized the pretty lady coming towards
me. In her arms she carried a package. On her face was the brightest smile I
had ever seen. I would swear a soft halo encircled her blonde hair as she
kept walking toward me, her eyes holding mine.
As she came closer, I saw what she held and tears began misting in my eyes.
These are for you, she said and placed three beautiful long stemmed yellow
roses in my arms. When you go through the line, they will know these are
paid for. She leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on my cheek, then smiled
again.

I wanted to tell her what she'd done, what the roses meant, but still unable
to speak, I watched as she walked away as tears clouded my vision. I looked
down at the beautiful roses nestled in the green tissue wrapping and found
it almost unreal.

How did she know? Suddenly the answer seemed so clear. I wasn't alone. Oh,
you haven't forgotten me, have you? I whispered, with tears in my eyes. He
was still with me, and she was his angel.

Every day be thankful for what you have and who you are.

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g_b WIPRO, TCS INFOSYS

2005-01-04 Thread Smarter boy Boy



   
WIPRO, TCS  INFOSYS

One day, three consultants, each one from WIPRO,
INFOSYS and TCS, went out for a walk. They were old buddies from engg
college, and they were together for a college
reunion..
For no apparent reason, they went into this zoo and
passed a monkey.Being in the same business and from the same
college,there was a little bit of a peer competition going on between
themselves - they couldn't resist testing themselves against each other -
especially the Infosys guy said to the
others: Why don't we prove who is the best among
ourselves?.Whynot, said the other two.
The Infoscion said Let's have a test. Whoever makes
this monkey laugh, works for the best firm.
By mutual agreement, the Infoscion took the first
turn. Being a pure logical strategist, the Infoscion tried to make the
monkey laugh by telling jokes.The monkey stayed still. As a more practical
consultant, the Wipro guy tried
to make funny gestures... no good, the monkey stayed
put...
Now, comes the TCSer... being the practical guy he was always
trained to be, he whispered something into the monkey's ear, and it burst
out laughing at him. The other
two were astonished. How did this TCS guy manage to
beat them?
No way they were going to accept defeat so easily.
So the Wipro guy said OK, let's take another test.
Let's make this monkey cry !!
So there they went again, applying the same methods
as before. The Infosys guy narrated sad stories, the Wipro guy made sad
gestures,and they failed again...
Then, the TCSer again whispered something into the
monkey's ear and lo!
It started crying, patting the TCSer's shoulder!
The other two just could not believe their eyes! So
the Infoscion said OK, you've won twice. If you can win just this one, we
will bow to you. Let's make this monkey run.
And he barked at the monkey and ordered him to run.
Ofcourse, it stayed where it was. The Wipro guy, true to his type, pushed
and prodded the monkey - still No go. So...here comes our TCS guy, again,
and whispers into the monkey's ear.
The monkey just takes off! It runs and runs as fast
as it can, as if it was scared to death!
The other two surrendered. Said they: OK, we give
up.You're the best among us, and you work for the Best firm of the three.
But please, please tell us your secret,
they begged him.
Well, said the TCSer, The first time I made it laugh, I told it I work
for TCS. The next time, I told the
monkey how much I get paid...so it started crying.
And finally I told him that I was here for recruitment








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Re: g_b WARNING!!!

2004-12-31 Thread Smarter boy Boy

THANKS A LOT, DEAREST!!
U are a real pet!
Love ya
Smartie

On Wed, 29 Dec 2004 Scarberian wrote :
The message below is for members of all yahoo groups..please let your friends know

For your information ...

Yahoo is now using something called Web Beacons to track Yahoo
Group users around the net and see what you're doing and where you
are going - similar to cookies. Yahoo is recording every website and
every group you visit.
Take a look at their updated privacy statement:

http://privacy.yahoo.com/privacy

About half-way down the page, in the section on cookies, you will
see a link that says web beacons. Click on the phrase web beacons.
That will bring you to a paragraph entitled Outside the Yahoo
network.
In this section you'll see a little click here to opt out It's a
link that will let you opt-out of their new method of snooping.

Once you have clicked that link, you are exempted.

NOTE: Notice the Success message on the the of the next page.
Be careful because on that page there is a Cancel Opt-out
button that, if clicked, will *undo** the opt-out.

Also note that it says if you use multiple browsers, you have to opt-
out on each browser!

Please pass this along to any other Yahoo groups you might be members of, as well as to your buds and family members on yahoo.

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g_b Interesting!

2004-12-29 Thread Smarter boy Boy



dont know if this is true, but letting it pass
regards

moderator


Subject: [batchof1978] Sanskrit Greeting 

U all mut have heard the word - Bhosadike 

It would surprise many of you to know that the  origins of this word are in a 
sanskrit greeting, 


Bho sad ike? 

meaning, 

Sir, are you well? 

Everyone knows that 'Sad' is a prefix used  for good things, like sadguru, 
sadiccha etc. 

'Bho' is a term used for respect, brahmins  will know it since it is used in 
the abhivadaye. 

Ika is a atmanepadi verb meaning to be. 

ike ikaavahe ikaamahe ikase ikethe ikadhve ikate ikete ikante 

are its forms. 

This was a popular form of greeting in  ancient India, before the Mughals came 
and prohibited this greeting, for reasons unknown. 

However some enterprising locals continued to use this greeting. Therefore, to 
assasinate this greeting morally, the mughals gave it vulgar connotations, and 
those are alive even know. 

It is time we revived our ancient indian traditions heeding to the call of 
Swami Vivekananda who urged us all to go back to the vedas. 

Say Bhosadike to all the people you meet and explain them its true meaning.





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g_b PC Language

2004-12-27 Thread Smarter boy Boy

This apparently was a real memo sent at a computer company to its employees in all seriousness.

This memo is from an unnamed computer company. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral problem. The author of this memo was quite serious. The engineers rolled on the floor.

Mouse Balls

Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Units).

Therefore, if a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.

Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop-off method. Domestic balls are replaced by the twist-off method. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge.

Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse can be used immediately.

It is recommended that each replacer have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction.

Any customer missing his balls should suspect local personnel of removing these necessary items.

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g_b Take care.......

2004-12-27 Thread Smarter boy Boy

A baby boy was just born. He had all his pieces and looked quite normal, except that he was laughing - I mean laughing real hard. All the doctors and nurses were examining the little guy in front of his worried parents. He just kept on laughing, his tiny fists all closed and tears rolling from his eyes. One at a time, a pediatrician unfolded his tiny fingers to check if his hand was all right, and guess what he found?

Scroll down.

The birth control pill.

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g_b Merry Christmas

2004-12-24 Thread Smarter boy Boy

Hi Folks!
This is amazing!!!
Just move yr mouse(Yr PC mouse, I mean) all over and see the magic. Dont forget to touch the mushrooms below. http://www.hp.com/hpinfo/card1.html

Just touch at the objects there...and so many things will
happen. And pull the lever at the top right sideits
great...and amazing... Enjoy...!

Cheers and Merry Christmas to all!

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g_b This is funny..

2004-12-24 Thread Smarter boy Boy






This is funny.. 







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Title:  Albino Blacksheep / Flash / The Singhsons








	
	
	
	
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Albino Blacksheep  Flash Files  The Singhsons





Flash / The Singhsons


	
		
		
		The Singhsons  by Pendland Creative

g_b Bump - an easy solution

2004-12-24 Thread Smarter boy Boy

Bump - an easy solution

A man who had just undergone a very complicated operation kept complaining about a bump on his head and a terrible headache. Since his operation had been an intestinal one, there was no reason why he should be complaining of a headache. Finally his nurse, fearing that the man might be suffering from some post-operative shock spoke to the doctor about it. The doctor assured her , Don't worry about it. He really does have a bump on his head. About halfway through the operation we ran out of anaesthesia.

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g_b Merry Christmas

2004-12-24 Thread Smarter boy Boy

Hi Folks!
This is amazing!!!
Just move yr mouse(Yr PC mouse, I mean) all over and see the magic. Dont forget to touch the mushrooms below. http://www.hp.com/hpinfo/card1.html

Just touch at the objects there...and so many things will
happen. And pull the lever at the top right sideits
great...and amazing... Enjoy...!

Cheers and Merry Christmas to all!

Smartie

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Re: g_b Quizzies!! Who is the Mr.GENIUS??

2004-12-23 Thread Smarter boy Boy






Hi Sahil,
In 1, Doctor is the mother. 
In 2, it's daytime!
In 3, round covers probably do not require too much of finishing after casting. 
In 4, the fellow who drank first, in fact, poisoned the punch.
In 5, it is a water pistol 

Smartie






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g_b Root cause of Zaheer khan's injury!

2004-12-22 Thread Smarter boy Boy






 NOW WE KNOW WHY ZAHEER GETS INJURED REGULARLY







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attachment: Zaheer1.jpg

g_b We share everything

2004-12-21 Thread Smarter boy Boy

We share everything

A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down at McDonald's. He noticed that they had ordered one meal and an extra cup. As he watched, the old gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted the fries - one for him and one for her, until each had half of them. Then, the old man poured in half of the soft drink, into the extra cup and set that in front of his wife.

The old man then began to eat and his wife sat. The young man then decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they didn't have to split theirs. The old gentleman said, Oh no. We've been married 50 years and everything has been shared 50/50 among us. The young man then asked the wife if she was going to eat and she replied, Not yet. It's his turn with the teeth.

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g_b MANAGEMENT THOUGHT FOR THE WEEKEND

2004-12-21 Thread Smarter boy Boy

MANAGEMENT THOUGHT FOR THE WEEKEND

Overcoming Busyness

Theres a trap which few managers see. You fall into it when being active is confused with action. Most Managers are not passive. They are busy attending meetings, making conversations, writing mails, and so on. Managers face a constant stream of demands for their time and attention, and usually more problems arise than they can deal with. As a result they ignore or postpone problems that require reflection, systematic planning or creative thinking, and for which there is no external pressure for immediate action. Thus, most managers get lost in a stream of activities and spend their time making the inevitable happen, instead of purposively making happen what otherwise would not happen. This is active non action and this is a central behavioural hazard for managers.

Extract from A bias for action by Heike Bruch and Late Sumantra Ghoshal as quoted in The Smart Manager section of the Business Standard

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g_b Diet

2004-12-21 Thread Smarter boy Boy

Rules for This Diet

If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy
bar are canceled out by the diet soda.

When you eat with someone else, calories don''t count if you do not
eat more than they do.

Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate,
brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.

If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.

Movie-related foods do not have additional calories because they are
part of the entertainment package and not part of one''s personal
fuel. Examples: Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots
and Tootsie Rolls.

Cookie pieces contain no calories. (The process of breaking causes
calorie leakage.)

Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in
the process of preparing something.

Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories.
Examples are: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and mashed
potatoes.

Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other
food color.

Anything consumed while standing has no calories. This is due to
gravity and the density of the caloric mass.

Anything consumed from someone else''s plate has no calories since
the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to
his/her plate. (We ALL know how calories like to cling!)

REMEMBER: STRESSED SPELLED BACKWARDS IS DESSERTS

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g_b When Hell Freezes Over !!!

2004-12-21 Thread Smarter boy Boy

The following is supposedly an actual question given
on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The
answer by one student was so profound

that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the
Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the
pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or
endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs
using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats
when it is compressed)or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is
changing in time. So we need to know the rate at
which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at
which they are leaving. I think that we can safely
assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not
leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at
the different religions that exist in the world today.
Most of these religions state that if you are not a
member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since
there is more than one of these religions and since
people do not belong to more than one religion, we can
project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect
the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in
Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the
temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the
volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls
are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate
at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and
pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks
loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the
increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and
pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa
during my Freshman year that, it will be a cold day
in Hell before I sleep with you, and take into
account the fact that I slept with her last
night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure
that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has
frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any
more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only
Heaven, hereby proving the existence of a divine
being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept
shouting Oh my God.

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY A

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g_b Golf Potion!

2004-12-21 Thread Smarter boy Boy

A man out playing golf slices off into the woods. When he goes to find the ball he discovers a witch (hat and all) stirring a cauldron. So out of curiosity he asks her what she is brewing.

A magic potion she replies.

Well what is it for? he asks.

This potion will make anyone an excellent golfer.

At this he gets really excited and asks if he can have some. She is agreeable but warns him that it will have dire consequences on his sex life.

After a short period of soul searching he decides to try the potion. He goes back to the golf course and completes an excellent game of golf. Next he challenges the golf pro and beats him easily. He spends every possible moment of the next year playing golf at every course he manages to get to and having a wonderful time of it. After a year he finds himself back at the same course where he found the witch. Out of curiosity he slices one into the woods so he can talk to her.

Well, she asks, How has your game been?

Great! This has been the best year of my life. I have played all over the country and never lost a game.

And how about your sex life?

Oh, not bad.

Really? This stuff can really ruin a guy's sex life. Say, how many times did you have sex last year?

H, it was three, no, four times.

And you call that not bad?

Not for a priest with a small parish.

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g_b Remembering Wodehouse

2004-12-21 Thread Smarter boy Boy

A wealthy couple had planned to go out for the evening. The woman of the house decided to give their butler, Jeeves, the rest of the night off. She said they would be home very late, and that he should just enjoy his evening.

As it turned out, however, the wife wasn't having a good time at the party, so she came home early, alone. Her husband had to stay there, as several of his important clients were there.

As the woman walked into her house, she saw Jeeves sitting by himself in the dining room. She called for him to follow her, and led him into the master bedroom. She looked at him and smiled. Jeeves, she said. Take off my dress.

He did this carefully.

Jeeves, she continued. Take off my stockings and garter.

He silently obeyed her.

Jeeves, she then said. Remove my bra and panties.

As he did this, the tension continued to mount.

She then said, Jeeves, if I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired!

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g_b Some Friends, these!!!

2004-12-19 Thread Smarter boy Boy

Lallua and PZee were driving in their own cars on a street, from different directions.
Out of some unfortunate mishap, the cars slammed into each other,
head-on. The two men were able to get out of their cars without any
serious injury, but the cars were totally smashed.

Before Pzee could say anything, Lallua said, Instead of fighting
over whose fault it was, why don't we just celebrate that we were
able to come out alive?

PZee said, Yeah, good idea!

I have a bottle of whisky in the trunk, why don't I pull that out?
suggested Lallua. He went around, and luckily the bottle was not
damaged in the accident. He gave it to PZee and said, Here, drink
some!

PZee took the bottle and chugged half of it down. Then he wiped his
mouth and handed the bottle over to Lallua. Here, you have some!

Lallua passed it back and said, Nah, I think I'll wait until the
police get here.

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g_b This 80+ is better!

2004-12-19 Thread Smarter boy Boy

An 80 year woman married an 85-year-old man. After about six months
together, the woman wasn't feeling well and she went to her doctor.

The doctor examined and said, Congratulations Mrs. Jones, you're
going
to be a mother.

Get serious doctor, I'm 80.

I know, said the doctor, This morning, I would have said it was
impossible, but this afternoon you are a medical miracle.

I'll be darned, she replied and stormed out of the office. She
walked
down the hall and around the corner to where the telephones were. In
a
rage, she dialed her husband.

Hello she heard in his familiar halting voice.

She screamed, You rotten SOB. You got me pregnant!

There was a pause on the line. Finally, her husband answered, Who's
calling please?.

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g_b Conned

2004-12-19 Thread Smarter boy Boy

I was walking through the supermarket to pick up a few things when I
noticed an old lady following me around. Thinking nothing of it, I
ignored her and continued on. Finally I went to the checkout line,
but she got in front of me.

Pardon me, she said, I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you
feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who
just died recently.

I'm very sorry, I said to her, Is there anything I can do for you?

Yes, she said, As I'm leaving, can you say 'Good bye, Mother? It
would make me feel so much better.

Sure, I said. An odd request, but no harm would come of it. As the
old woman was leaving, I called out, Goodbye, Mother!

As I stepped up to the checkout counter, I saw that my total was
$127.50.

How can that be? I asked, I only purchased a few things!

Your mother said that you would pay for her, said the clerk.

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g_b Amazing!

2004-12-12 Thread Smarter boy Boy

SOUTHERN NEWS - ANDHRA PRADESH December 10, 2004

Men swap and sell, with wives' due permission
Friday December 10 2004 08:25 IST
KADAPA: It's a primitive practice that can put any Hollywood (or Bollywood!) film on wife swapping to shame.

The men belonging to ``Pinchapuri'' sect of Yerukala community in the district can't make do with just one wife. Bigamy, even polygamy, is common in this sect. And if you thought that's the end of the story, well, the plot has only begun.

For this Pinchapuri man, having a bevy of wives (sometimes up to five) strutting around him can get boring over time. Once he thinks he's had enough of his wife, he sells her. However, if the woman does not like the buyer, she can say no and the deal is off. So much for Women's Lib!

As is the case with any other `product', the tariff differs here too. The more beautiful and youthful the woman, the higher the price. So, a not-so-good-looking woman, warts and all, easily loses her soon-to-be-ex-husband to a `superior' rival.

Wonder if it's wife-swapping or wife-shopping? A mingled sense of confusion and utter disgust hits when Subbaiah says: ``I sold my first wife for Rs.18, 000 only because she wasn't that good-looking. But, I shelled out Rs.58, 000 to buy my two other wives.''

Done deal? Not yet. He's now planning to sell one of the two, and buy another.

Like him, almost all Pinchapuri men indulge in this orgy. The women don't mind being herded along either. After all, that's the only life they know.

But the way the sect rationalises this trade sends the intrigue-o-meter spinning. Wife shopping is neither a crime nor a taboo for the 5,000-odd community people. In fact, it's their way of preventing extra-marital affairs. Does that mean, the men of Sabari Colony near Jammalamadugu who have at least five wives, are that much more honest?

``If a man likes someone else's wife, and she reciprocates, we allow them to become husband and wife after the deal is through. This eliminates extra-marital affairs. The selling occurs in the presence of mediators and the caste headman only after the woman gives her consent. If she says no, the deal is off,'' Subbaiah explains.

The sect has thought about posterity too. The children live with their mother and the stepfather, but the biological father is their rightful `owner'.

In reality, however, once a man sells his wife, he doesn't give two hoots for his children. Never a burden on their parents, these children take to begging, sometimes at 5-6 years, to feed their elders. The teenagers rear pigs or help their parents make broomsticks, the age-old profession of the sect.

They travel to Mumbai, Pune and Bangalore to sell the artistic goods and earn a handsome income. The community is spread over Jammalamadugu, Mydukur, Badvel and Porumamilla in the district.

While the women and children work hard, the men splurge on wife shopping or alcohol. This goes on despite the fact that they live in small huts, lack proper clothing and even food.

How do these `replaceable commodities' feel? ``We have a say. The deal is through only when we give our consent. There is no coercion,'' Laxmamma, who was bought by Sreeramulu, tells this websites newspaper. For the record: Sreeramulu has three wives.

Do they care for society's criticism, if at all? Sreeramulu strikes back: ``Who cares? We are free and independent.''

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Re: g_b God and the Gallon of Milk

2004-12-11 Thread Smarter boy Boy



Dear Asfan,
  
That was just SUPERB! 
I just love yr contributions!
Keep 'em coming...
Smartie





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g_b Friends!

2004-12-10 Thread Smarter boy Boy

Yahoo! Groups SurveyPlease help us to improve Yahoo! Groups.
Take the survey now!

The sailor came home from a secret two year mission only to find his
wife with a new born baby. Furious, he was determined to track down
the father to extract revenge.

Was it my friend Sam, he demanded.

No ! his weeping wife replied.

Was it my friend Jim then? he asked.

NO !!! she said even more upset.

Well which one of my no good friends did this then? he asked.

Don't you think I have any friends of my own? she snapped.

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g_b Lucknow to become tourists' paradise soon

2004-12-05 Thread Smarter boy Boy

Desi Viagra grows on trees!

Alka Rastogi
Lucknow, December 1

Chew on this - the Nawabs of Oudh didn't depend on wonder drug Viagra for their nightly pleasures. Lucknow is now queuing up for the palang tor paan that once rocked the royal harem.

Paan (betel leaf) counters have seen a mad rush during the ongoing Lucknow festival that is held every year to showcase the grand heritage and traditions of the Nawabi city. The reason for the red-hued frenzy is not far to seek.

A number of sellers are making an irresistible offering - the same palang tor paan that Wajid Ali Shah, Nasiruddin Haider and Asafudaula are believed to have eaten. Paan shop owners claim their concoction, though cheaper than Viagra at Rs 50, delivers a comparable punch. Dressed in dazzling blue, red and yellow Nawabi attire, they argue that the specially prepared betel leaf is like a tonic that increases energy levels in bed.

The palang tor paan was also known as goli during the reign of Nawab Wajid Ali Shah. The ruler consumed it just before he visited his wives or concubines. The paan ensured that his libido lasted all night long, quips Ashar Mohammad, whose family has been selling the desi 'viagra' for six generations now.

According to Mohammad, his forefathers have handed down the formula and he honed his skills under Ustaad Mohammd Nassem, another expert paan-maker.

Although the exact recipe is as jealously guarded as the Coca Cola formulation, Mohammad has no qualms talking about the ingredients. Musk, henna, zafran (saffron), pista are some of the things that go into the 'bed rocking paan'. It is then covered with varkh or gold foil for added effect.

I won't tell you what else I use. Otherwise you can just buy them from the market, he teases.

Interestingly, there's no gender discrimination where satisfying carnal instincts are concerned. For the woman who is interested in upping the tempo with her mate, there's the Sultana paan that contains slightly different ingredients than its male counterpart.

The desire to make an impression in bed clearly defies all boundaries - from bureaucrats to politicians, and from business executive to students - all have been seen thronging the 'Paan Darbar' at the Ambedkar Maidan in Lucknow.

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g_b New Drugs for men

2004-12-05 Thread Smarter boy Boy

With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in today's society.

DIRECTRA - A dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask for directions when they got lost compared to a control group where only 0.2 percent asked for directions.

PROJECTRA - Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting a new one.

CHILDAGRA - Men taking this drug reported a sudden, overwhelming urge to perform more child-care tasks, especially cleaning up spills and little accidents.

COMPLIMENTRA - In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle. Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new clothing.

BUYAGRA - Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden urge to buy their sweeties expensive jewelry and gifts after taking this drug for only two days. Still to be seen: whether the drug can be continued for a period longer than your favorite store's return limit.

NEGA-VIAGRA - Has the exact opposite effect of Viagra. Currently undergoing clinical trials on sitting U.S. presidents.

NEGA-SPORTAGRA - This drug had the strange effect of making men want to turn off televised sports and actually converse with other family members.

CAPAGRA - Caused test subjects to become uncharacteristically fastidious about lowering toilet seats and replacing toothpaste caps. Subjects on higher doses were seen dusting furniture.

PRYAGRA - About to fail its clinical trial, this drug gave men in the test group an irresistible urge to dig into the personal affairs of other people. Note: Apparent overdose turned three test subjects into special prosecutors.

LIAGRA - This drug causes men to be less than truthful when they are asked about their sexual affairs. Will be available in Regular, Grand Jury and Presidential Strength versions.

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g_b FAST WORK!!!

2004-12-04 Thread Smarter boy Boy

A marriage that couldn't last 90 minutes!

Friday, 03 December , 2004, 00:08

London: A newlywed couple finally realised they were not really made for each other, ninety minutes after they exchanged wedding vows and ended up having such bad row that police had to intervene and put the groom in jail.

According to The Sun, more than an hour after the British couple tied the knot, the bride hit her new husband on the head after he started toasting the bridesmaids in a drunken state.

The groom than climbed on top of a table and threw the hat stand at the bar. After the hotel staffers called the police, he also managed to head-butt and punch them in the eye as they arrested him.

He was then put in jail for the rest of the night and has now been ordered 90 hours of community service as well as house arrest. Meanwhile, his wife has filed for a divorce.

I'm glad to be rid of that woman. I should never have married her in the first place. My wedding day was a nightmare, the report quoted the groom as saying.

ANI

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g_b Innovative idea a la Disney in India

2004-12-04 Thread Smarter boy Boy

Flight of fancy in Delhis residential colony

An ex-airline employee has fulfilled his dream to make aeroplanes accessible to ordinary people by assembling and displaying an old A-300 airbus.

FROM DEEPAK K UPRETI
DH NEWS SERVICES, NEW DELHI:

An airplane in a residential colony, almost on your door steps? It is not an unimaginable idea for the inhabitants of south-west Delhi who daily take a peek at the huge A-300 airbus parked in the middle of Group Housing societies and flats of Delhi Development Authority (DDA) .

For most uninitiated visitors, the parked plane in the centre of busy intersecting roads, is a matter for disbelief and shock. Nestling in Dwarka, the largest residential colony in Asia, the Airbus has been brought close to ordinary people by an aircraft engineer Mr B C Gupta who piece by piece put together the Airbus for those who have never seen or travelled by an aircraft.

Mr Gupta worked for various airlines, including Indian Airlines, Vayudoot, Modiluft and Luftansa, for over two decades and then quit his job to fulfil his dream of giving ordinary people a chance to know what an aircraft is like.

After taking voluntary retirement from his job, Gupta got busy with his obsession to ground a big aircraft in a residential area. He bought the Airbus last year and transported it to Dwarka in parts, after a formidable effort. Narrow roads, the uneven terrain, heavy traffic and trees blocked the speedy movement of the aircraft on ground. The Airbus was brought to the South-West Delhi residential colony in bit and pieces.

Mr Guptas engineer friends helped him design the foundation of the aircraft. The Airbus A 300 is a 17-year old IA airplane manufactured by Airbus Industrie, France. The 280- seater aircraft is complete with full cockpit, AC, lighting and music system. Toilets are, however, yet to be built on the rear side. The plane is positioned so as to synchronise its wings and whole body with four concrete walls.
Gupta feels the plane would be a good sight for those who visit airports to see off their near and dear ones but never get to go close to an aircraft. There is a fee of Rs 100 to board the aircraft and steal a leisurely peek at the cockpit. One can even go inside the belly of the aircraft to see the cargo space.

For Rs 100 you can sit in the pilots seat and feel like a captain as real flights land and take off from the near by Indira Gandhi International Airport. It is a cheap fare - cheaper than Deccan Airways !! A poor mans flight in an aircraft

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g_b Good news for Indians who cannot go abroad

2004-12-04 Thread Smarter boy Boy

Stay in India and study in Stanford
CHIRANTAN CHATTERJEE URMI GOSWAMI

TIMES NEWS NETWORK[ THURSDAY, DECEMBER 02, 2004 02:01:54 AM]
NEW DELHI: If stringent visa rules have hampered the international character of American universities, the 113-year-old Stanford University has found a way out. The university is exploring options of opening an overseas campus.

The overseas programme at Stanford is nearly half-a-century old and is borne out of the appreciation by the university administration that Stanford students, in order to understand a countrys culture and tradition, need a physical presence in that country.

They have already been in Beijing in association with the Peking University. Currently in India, Stanford University President John L Hennessy is looking at Delhi, Mumbai and Pune as viable options for setting up such an overseas campus.

Stanfords India linkage stems from the fact that Indians form the second largest foreign students community at its campus in Palo Alto. Apart from this, India-born faculty contribute to about one-fourth of the total 128 Asian-born faculty working at the university.

Dr Hennessy, talking to ET, spoke of the intense lobbying by its proactive alumni

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g_b Cofession!

2004-12-03 Thread Smarter boy Boy

An elderly man goes into confession and says to the priest,
Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren. I started taking this new Viagra pill, and last night I had an affair and made love to two 18-year-old girls. Both of them. Twice.

The priest said:
Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?
Never Father, I'm Jewish.
So then, why are you telling me?
Because I'm telling everybody!

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g_b Old Ladies and Traffic Cops

2004-12-01 Thread Smarter boy Boy

Old Ladies and Traffic Cops

Don't you ever mess around with old ladies...

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding.

Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Older Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that! you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too

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Re: Re: g_b Pls do listen and watch theclassic.....mughal-e-azam

2004-11-25 Thread Smarter boy Boy

Yes, U are right,
That lovely rendition in Raag Sohini...Prem Jogan Ban Jaa...
was indeed sung by the maestro Bade Gulam Ali Khan Saheb
in his inimitable soulful voice! I have not seen the new
coloured release of Mughal-e-Azam, but I am sure it must
be intact and included in it too...!
Cheers!
Smartie

On Thu, 25 Nov 2004 summer breeze wrote :
Hi all,

This might be a late mail, but Der aaye durust aaye.

In the attachment regarding the Mughal-E-Azam, many good songs are mentioned. My uncle was a great fan of film music and he had purchased the original Polydor vinyl. I have listened to it a few times.
There's one more beautiful song which is very short and sung in the background when the Prince Salim comes to meet Anarkali in private. An extremely beautiful classical song, Prem Jogan Banake sung in Raga Sohni. Sadly I dont remember the singer but if I'm not mistaken, it was either Bade Ghulam Ali Khan or Dr. Vasantrao Deshpande

Iwas surprised that this important song was not mentioned.

Cheers
Shailesh

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g_b It's a dogs life after all.....

2004-11-24 Thread Smarter boy Boy

A DOG'S LIFE
A butcher watching over his shop is really surprised when he sees a dog
coming inside the shop. He shoos him away. But later, the dog is back
again. So, he goes over to the dog and notices it has a note in its mouth.
He takes the note and it reads Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb,
please? The dog has money in its mouth, as well.
The butcher looks inside and, lo and behold, there is a ten dollar note
there. So he takes the money and puts the sausages and lamb in a bag,
placing it in the dog's mouth. The butcher is so impressed, and since it's
about closing time, he decides to shut the shop and follow the dog.
So off he goes. The dog is walking down the street, when it comes to a
level crossing; the dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the button.
Then it waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to turn. They do, and
it walks across the road, with the butcher following him all the way. The
dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable.
The butcher is in awe as the dog stops a bus by pulling its left leg up and
gets in it. The butcher follows the dog into the bus. The dog then shows a
ticket which is tied to its belt to the bus conductor.
The butcher is nearly fainting at this sight, so are the other passengers
in the bus. The dog then sits near the driver's seat looking outside. As
soon as the stop is in sight, the dog stands and wags its tail to inform
the conductor.
Then, without waiting for the bus to stop completely, it jumps out of the
bus and runs to a house very close to the stop. It opens the big Iron
Gate and rushes inside towards the door. As it approaches the wooden door,
the dog suddenly changes its mind and heads towards the garden. It goes to
the window, and beats its head against it several times, walks back, jumps
off, and waits at the door. The butcher watches as a big guy opens the
door, and starts abusing the dog, kicking him and punching him, and
swearing at him. The butcher surprised with this, runs up, and stops the
guy.
What in heaven's name are you doing?
The dog is a genius.
He could be on TV, for the life of me!
To which the guy responds:
You call this clever? This is the second time this week that this stupid
dog's forgotten his key.
Moral of the story.
.
.
.
You may continue to exceed onlookers expectations but shall always fall
short of the boss' expectations.
.
.
.
.
It's a dogs life after all.

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Re: g_b A thought for the day

2004-11-09 Thread Smarter boy Boy



That was really beautiful!
Thanks for sharing!
Samrtie  


On Mon, 08 Nov 2004 asfan   wrote :
I dreamt that I went to Heaven and an angel was showing me around. We walked 
side-by-side inside a large workroom filled with angels. My angel guide stopped 
in front of the first section and said, This is the Receiving Section. Here, 
all petitions to God said in prayer are received.

I looked around in this area, and it was terribly busy with so many angels 
sorting out petitions written on voluminous paper sheets and scraps from people 
all over the world.

Then we moved on down a long corridor until we reached the second section. The 
angel then said to me, This is the Packaging and Delivery Section. Here, the 
graces and blessings the people asked for are processed and delivered to the 
living persons who asked for them. I noticed again how busy it was there. 
There were many angels working hard at that station, since so many blessings 
had been requested and were being packaged for delivery to Earth.

Finally at the farthest end of the long corridor we stopped at the door of a 
very small station. To my great surprise, only one angel was seated there, idly 
doing nothing.
This is the Acknowledgment Section, my angel friend quietly admitted to me.
He seemed embarrassed. How is it that? There's no work going on here? I asked.
So sad, the angel sighed. After people receive the blessings that they asked 
for, very few send back acknowledgments.

How does one acknowledge God's blessings? I asked.
Simple, the angel answered. Just say, Thank you, Lord.
What blessings should they acknowledge? I asked.
If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead 
and a place to sleep ... you are richer than 75% of this world.
If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish, you 
are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy.
And if you get this on your own computer, you are part of the 1% in the world 
who has that opportunity.

Also 
If you woke up this morning with more health than illness  you are more 
blessed than the many who will not even survive this day.
If you have never experienced the fear in battle, the loneliness of 
imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation ... you are 
ahead of 700 million people in the world.
If you can attend a church meeting without the fear of harassment, arrest, 
torture or death . you are envied by, and more blessed than, three billion 
people in the world.
If your parents are still alive and still married you are very rare.
If you can hold your head up and smile, you are not the norm, you are unique to 
all those in doubt and despair.

Ok, what now? How can I start?
If you can read this message, you just received a double blessing, in that 
someone was thinking of you as very special and you are more blessed than over 
two billion people in the world who cannot read at all.

Have a good day, count your blessings, and if you want, pass this along to 
remind everyone else how blessed we all are.

Attn: Acknowledge Dept.: Thank You Lord!

Thank you Lord for giving me the ability to share this message and for giving 
me so many wonderful people to share it with.


God Bless you always







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g_b HAPPY DEEPAVALI AND EID-MUBARAK

2004-11-09 Thread Smarter boy Boy

 A king used to go every night into a city for a round to see how things were 
going- of course, in disguise.  He was very much puzzled about one man, a 
young, a very beautiful man, who was always standing under a tree by the 
side of the street, the same tree every night.

Finally, the curiosity took over, and the king stopped his horse and asked 
the man, Why dont you go to sleep?

And the man said,  People go to sleep because they have nothing to guard, 
and I have such treasures that I cannot go to sleep. I have to guard them

The King said, Strange, I dont see any treasures here

The man said, Those treasure are inside me, you cannot see them

It became a routine thing for the King to stop everyday, because the man was 
beautiful, and whatever he said made the King thing over it for hours.  The 
King became so much attached to and interested in the man that he started 
feeling he was really a saint, because awareness and love and peace and 
silence and meditation and enlightenment are the treasures he is guarding; 
he cannot sleep, he cannot afford to sleep. Only beggars can afford

The story had started just by curiosity, but slowly, slowly the King started 
respecting and honouring the man as a spiritual guide.  One day he said to 
him I know you will not come with me to our palace, but I thing of you, day 
in and day out. You come to my mind so many times. I would love it if you 
can become a guest in my palace

The king was thinking that he will not agree- he had the old idea that 
saints renounce the worldbut the young man said,  If you are missing me so 
much, why did you not say it before?  So bring another horse, and I will 
come with you

The King became suspicious, What kind of saint he is, so easily ready? But 
now it was too late, he had invited him.  He gave him his best room in the 
palace, which was preserved for only for rare guests, other emperors.  And 
he was thinking the man would refuse, that he would say,  I am a saint, I 
cannot live in this luxury. But he did not say anything like this.  He 
said,  Very good;

The King could not sleep the whole night, and he thought, It seems this 
fellow has deceived me; he is not a saint or anything, Two, three times he 
went to look from the window- the saint was asleep.  And he had never been 
asleep, he was always standing under the tree.  Now he was not guarding. The 
King thought, I have been conned. This is a real con man

The Second day he ate with King- all delicious foods, no austerity-and he 
enjoyed the food.  The king offered him new clothes, worthy of an emperor, 
and he loved those clothes.  And the King thought,  Now, how to get rid of 
this fellow?  Just in seven days he was tired and thinking, This is a 
complete charlatan, he has cheated me.

On the seventh day he said to his strange fellow,  I want to ask a 
question

And the stranger said,  I know your question. You wanted to ask it seven 
day before, but just out of courtesy, manners, you kept it repressed- I was 
watching.  But I will not answer you here. You can ask the question, and we 
will go for a long morning ride on the horses, and I will choose the right 
place to answer it

The King said, My question is, now what is the difference between me and 
you? You are living like an emperor, but you used to be a saint. Now you are 
no longer a saint.

The man said,  Get the horses ready!  They went out, and the King many 
times reminded him,  How far are we going? You can answer.

Finally they reached the river that was the boundary line of his empire. The 
king said, Now we have come to my boundary.  The other side is somebody 
elses kingdom. This is a good place to answer.

He said,  Yes, I am going. You can take both horses, or if you like, you 
can come with me.

The King said,  Where are you going?

He said, My treasure is with me.  Wherever I go, my treasure will be with 
me. Are you coming with me or not?

The king said,  How can I come with you? My kingdom, my palace, my whole 
lifes work is behind me,

The stranger laughed and he said,  Now, do you the difference? I can stand 
naked under a tree, or I can live in a palace like an emperor because my 
treasure is within me.  Whether the tree is there or palace is there makes 
no difference. So you can go back; I am going to the other kingdom.  Now 
your kingdom is not worth remaining in 

The King felt repentance.  He touched the feet of the stranger and said,  
Forgive me. I was thinking wrong thoughts about you.  You are really a great 
saint.  Just dont go and leave me like this; otherwise the wound would hurt 
me my whole life

The stranger said,  There is no difficulty for me; I can come back with 
you.  But I want you to be alert.  The moment we reach the Palace, the 
question will again arise in your mind. It is better- let me go.

 I can give you some time to think.  I can come back. To me it makes no 
difference.  But to you it is better that I

Re: g_b The story of a teacup....

2004-11-08 Thread Smarter boy Boy

g_b Kabhi Kabhi

2004-11-08 Thread Smarter boy Boy

Hello Folks:

The following Nazm is by the Great Sahir Ludhianvi. 
It was diluted for the movie. This is the original version. 
Some difficult words are translated for ease of understanding. 
I ABSOLUTELY LOVE this poem. 
Happened to find it on-line today. 
Hope you enjoy it.
Cheers!
Smartie

--  -
Kabhi Kabhi mere dil mein khayaal aata hai...
Ke Zindagi teri Zulfon ki narm cha'aoo mein
Guzarne paati to shaadaab bhi ho sakti thi 
(shaadaab: delightful, pleasant, happy)
Yeh teergi jo meri Zeest ka muqaddar hai 
(teergi: darkness) (Zeestt:life, zindagi)
Teri nazar ki Shua'aon mein kho bhi sakti thi 
(Shua'aon: Rays/beams)
Ajab na tha ke mein begana-e-alam ho kar 
(alam: pain/grief)(begana-e-alam: unknowledgeable of pain)
Tere Jamaal ki Ra'naaiyon mein kho rehta 
(Re'naaiyoo: delicacies/beauty)
Tera Gudaaz badan teri neem-baaz aankhe 
(Gudaaz: soft/pliant)(neem:half)
Inhee Haseen fasaanon mein Maho rehta (Maho: absorbed)
Pukaartin mujhe Jab talkhiyan zamaane ki (talkhiyan: bitterness)
Tere labon se halaawat ke ghoont pi leta (halaawat: relish,
deliciousness)
Hayaat Cheekhti phirtee barhana-sar, aur mein (barhana: uncovered)
Ghaneri zulfoo ke Saaye mein chhup ke ji leta

Magar Yeh ho na saka, aur ab yeh aalam hai
Ki tu nahin, tera Gam, teri justajoo bhi nahin
Guzar rahi hai kuchh Is tarah se zindagi jaise
Isse kisi ke sahaare ki Aarzoo bhi nahi

Na koi Jaadah-manzil, na Roshni ka Suraagh (Jaadah: small/narrow)
Bhatak rahi hai khalaaon mein zindagi meri 
(khalaaon: emptyness/khaleepan)
Inhi khalaaon mein reh jaoonga kahin kho kar
Mein jaanta hoon meri hum-nafas, magar yoon-hi
Kabhi Kabhi mere dil mein khayaal aata hai !

g_b Know Thyself

2004-11-07 Thread Smarter boy Boy

KNOW THYSELF

A belligerent samurai, an old Japanese tale goes, once challenged a Zen master 
to explain the concept of heaven and hell. But the monk replied with scorn,  
youre nothing but a lout  I cant waste my time with the likes of you!


His very honor attacked the samurai flew into a rage and pulling his sword from 
its scabbard, yelled,  I could kill you for your impertinence.


That, the monk calmly replied,  is hell.


Startled at seeing the truth in what the master pointed out about the fury that 
had him in its grip, the samurai calmed down, sheathed his sword, and bowed, 
thanking the monk for the insight.


And that, said the monk,  is heaven.


Adapted from : Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman

g_b Understood you wrong sir

2004-11-06 Thread Smarter boy Boy

 A man went into the proctologist's office for his first exam. The doctor told him to 
have a seat in the examination room and that he would be with him in just a few 
minutes. 

Well, when the man sat down in the examination room, he noticed that there were three 
items on a stand next to the doctor's desk: a tube of K-Y jelly, a rubber glove, and a 
beer. 

When the doctor came in, the man said, Look Doc, this is my first exam... I know what 
the K-Y is for... and I know what the glove is for... but what's the BEER for? At 
this instant, the doctor became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door. 

The doc flung the door open and yelled to his nurse, Come on, nurse!!!... I said a 
BUTT LIGHT!!!

g_b Alec Smart!

2004-11-06 Thread Smarter boy Boy

This happened somewhere in America.
Two men went to the office of a doctor who specialised in sexual 
problems. The doctor asked, Yes, gentlemen, what can I do for you? 

The men said, Will you watch the way we have sexual intercourse? 

The doctor looked puzzled but agreed. When the couple had finished, the doctor said, 
Well, I feel there is nothing wrong with the way you 
have intercourse. And he charged them his fee of $20. 

This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have 
intercourse, pay the doctor, and leave. Finally the doctor asked, Just exactly what 
are you trying to find out, Sirs? 

The younger man said, We're not trying to find out anything, Doc. He 
is married and we can't go to his house. I am married and we can't go 
to my house. Holiday Inn charges $32. The Hilton charges $37. We do it 
here for $20 and we also get $18 back from the Medicare for a visit to 
the doctor's office.

g_b Thought Provoking!

2004-11-05 Thread Smarter boy Boy

 For most Indians, America can do no wrong 

BY V. GANGADHAR 

By the time, this paper reaches the hands of its readers, trends in the American 
presidential elections will be clear, though the issue of the ultimate victor may 
still be in doubt. Our TV channels will be debating the election result with their own 
panel of experts and the print media will be readying itself with snappy headlines, 
imaginative layouts and incisive analysis. 

This interest is justified because the US is the most powerful nation in the world and 
what happens there is of relevance to every other country. Directly or indirectly, the 
lives of people all over the world could be affected by the outcome of the November 2 
polls. Such an effect would be felt more in Europe, West Asia and Latin America where 
the American influence and presence were more pronounced. 

Over the years, India had had a lovehate relationship with the US. The love factor was 
more widespread and the hate feeling was restricted to certain political groups and 
sections of the government. For the average Indian, the United States of America, was 
nothing short of paradise on earth and it was the ambition of every Indian to reach 
such a destination. 

There are enough economic and cultural reasons for this. Everyone knows that the US is 
a land of opportunities and possesses 30 per cent of the total resources of the word. 
Except at the highest level, it did not discriminate between natives and immigrants, 
though in certain areas, the coloureds had to face prejudices. 

America was a land built by its immigrants. People landed on its shores with nothing 
and within a few years were millionaires. What was needed was hard work, determination 
and faith in the American system. There was even room at the top for the immigrants. 
The Kennedys landed from Ireland. 

Joseph Kennedy became a billionaire, his son John was elected the countrys president, 
brother Robert was appointed Attorney General and another brother Teddy could not make 
it to the White House only because of certain moral deficiencies. The Kennedy clan 
continued to make an impact on American politics and life. 

People with less modest ambitions had also done well, and that included thousands of 
Indians from all walks of life. The American influence and attraction was felt all 
over India. We spoke English, we watched Hollywood films, read newspapers and books 
published in the US and came to admire the openness associated with the American 
system. 

Till recently, America opened its frontiers to everyone and this attitude was a boon 
to millions of Indians who dreamt of a better life abroad. Success stories of Indians 
in the US abounded. 

Much before the Indian scientists and technicians came to monopolise the software 
industry in Californias Silicon valley, the Patels of Gujarat had come to control the 
motels, while other Indians particularly from the Punjab and Gujarat, came to dominate 
small trade and other vocations. 

Once an Indian immigrant established himself in the US, he was shrewd enough to bring 
in his family, friends and neighbours. The Green Card became the most prized 
possession for an Indian and opened the doors for wealth, matrimonial alliances and 
local clout. 

The Indians in the US revelled in the free environment in most parts of the US and 
found they could survive and enjoy life without coming into too close a contact with 
the Americans. Naturally many mini- Indias sprung up all over the US. 

Chicago was a Gujarati stronghold where you can shop for anything from `khaman dhokla 
to expensive Kancheepuram sarees. Indians who had done well in the US, found that 
without giving up their Indianness; they could thrive in the US. 

While deriving the best from their adopted culture, they could still shop for gold 
from Dubai and organise huge dowries for their daughters who got married in the US to 
the accompaniment of `bhalle bhalle or `nadaswaram music. 

One can celebrate the Ayyapan festival in Arkansas, organise `satyanarayan kathas in 
Sacremento and train the family daughters in all kinds of Indian dance. The honeymoon 
was further cemented with the presence of hundreds of thousands of young male and 
female students for whom the US was the first choice for higher studies. 

The best colleges and universities in the Land of Plenty wooed our bright young stars, 
with money, scholarships and aid and finally absorbed them in the system. Who can 
refuse such a lure? Our IITians and IIMwallas made a beeline to the US. 

But there was just one snag. Most of the Indians in the US or Indians aspiring to 
study, work and finally settle down in the US, were not bothered with its political 
system and till recently did not take any direct interest in the local politics, 
Senate elections or the Presidential polls. 

For most Indian Americans life remained the same despite the changes in the White 
House or the Senate and the Congress. This indifference also

g_b Smart One!

2004-11-05 Thread Smarter boy Boy

Smart One!  
 
 Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits 
about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. 

It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones was having a 
staggeringly high success-rate, selling insurance to nearly 100% of the recruits he 
advised. 

Rather than asking him about this, the Captain stood at the back of the room and 
listened to Jones' sales pitch. 

Jones explained the basics of GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said, If you 
are killed in a battle and have a GI Insurance, the government has to pay $200,000 to 
your beneficiaries. But, if you don't have a GI insurance and get killed in the 
battle, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000. 

Now, he concluded, which group do YOU think they are going to send into battle 
first?

g_b sex

2004-11-04 Thread Smarter boy Boy

A learned professor was asked to give a talk on Sex. 

When his turn came, he stood, walked to the podium, adjusted the microphone just so. 
He said, Ladies and Gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure . . . 

And he sat back down.

g_b Smart Comp!

2004-11-04 Thread Smarter boy Boy

One day Bill complained to his friend, My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a 
doctor. 

His friend offered, Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can 
diagnose anything quicker an cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your 
urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about 
it. It only costs $10.

Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went 
to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the 
$10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After 
a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: You have tennis 
elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two 
weeks.

Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would 
change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He 
decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his 
dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into 
the concoction. 

He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and 
deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the 
following message: 

Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him 
vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your 
wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't 
stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better.

g_b Shoulder!

2004-11-03 Thread Smarter boy Boy

  

My mother used to ask me what is the most important part of the 
body. Through the years I would take a guess at what I thought was 
the correct answer. When I was younger, I thought sound was very 
important to us as humans, so I said, 'My ears, Mommy.' She 
said, 'No. Many people are deaf. But you keep thinking about it and 
I will ask you again soon.'

Several years passed before she asked me again. Since making my 
first attempt, I had contemplated the correct answer. So this time I 
told her, 'Mommy, sight is very important to everybody, so it must 
be our eyes'. She looked at me and told me, 'You are learning fast, 
but the answer is not correct because there are many people who are 
blind.

'Stumped again, I continued my quest for knowledge and over the 
years, Mother asked me a couple more times and always her answer 
was, 'No. But you are getting smarter every year, my child.'

Then last year, my grandpa died. Everybody was hurt. Everybody was 
crying. Even my father cried. I remember that especially because it 
was only the second time I saw him cry. My Mom looked at me when it 
was our turn to say our final good-bye to Grandpa. She asked me, 'Do 
you know the most important body part yet, my dear?'

I was shocked when she asked me this now. I always thought this was 
a game between her and me. She saw the confusion on my face and told 
me, 'This question is very important. It shows that you have really 
lived in your life. For every body part you gave me in the past, I 
have told you it was wrong and I have given you an example why. But 
today is the day you need to learn this important lesson.

She looked down at me as only a mother can. I saw her eyes well up 
with tears. She said, 'My dear, the most important body part is your 
shoulder.' I asked, 'Is it because it holds up your head?' She 
replied, 'No, it is because it can hold the head of a friend or a 
loved one when they cry. Everybody needs a shoulder to cry on 
sometime in life, My dear. I only hope that you have enough love and 
friends that you will always have a shoulder to cry on when you need 
it.'

Then and there, I knew the most important body part is not a selfish 
one. It is sympathetic to the pain of others.

People will forget what you said...

People will forget what you did

But people will NEVER forget how you made them feel.

g_b Which hole was it?

2004-11-02 Thread Smarter boy Boy

 THIS IS SUPERB..best of the lot in a long time.
  
Three men: a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot, were out riding in the car 
when it crashed into a tree. 
 
 
Before anyone knew, the three men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of 
Heaven, where St. Peter and the Devil were standing nearby. Gentlemen, the Devil 
started, due to the fact that Heaven 
is now overcrowded, St Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven. 
 
 
If anyone of you can ask me a question which I don't know or cannot answer, then 
you're worthy enough to go to Heaven; If not, then you'll come with me to Hell. 
 
 
 
The philosopher then stepped up and said, OK, give me the most comprehensive report 
on Socrates' teachings. With a snap of his finger, a stack of paper appeared next to 
the 
Devil. 
 
 
The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct. Then, go to Hell! With another 
snap of his finger, the philosopher disappeared. The mathematician then asked, Give 
me the most 
complicated formula you can ever think of! 
 
With a snap of his finger, another stack of paper appeared. The mathematician read it 
and reluctantly agreed it was correct. Then, go to Hell! With another snap of his 
finger, the mathematician disappeared too. 
 
The idiot then stepped forward and said, Bring me a chair! The Devil brought forward 
a chair. Drill 7 holes on the seat. The Devil did just that. The idiot then sat on 
the chair and let out a very loud fart. 
 
Standing up, he asked, Which hole did my fart come out from? The Devil inspected the 
seat and said, The third hole from the right. Wrong, said the idiot, it's from my 
asshole. The idiot went to Heaven.

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