[Gen-art] Gen-ART review: draft-ietf-pwe3-pw-typed-wc-fec-03
I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on Gen-ART, please see the FAQ at http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq. Please wait for direction from your document shepherd or AD before posting a new version of the draft. Document: draft-ietf-pwe3-pw-typed-wc-fec-03.txt Reviewer: Mary Barnes Review Date: 9 April 2012 IESG Telechat Date: 12 April 2012 Summary: Ready with nits. Comments: there are some editorial nits, many summarized below. There are several cases where an article - i.e., the, an, etc. is missing. I believe these can be fixed in AUTH48 and I imagine the RFC editor will catch them. But, if the doc needs any other updates, it would be good to make these fixes at the same time. Nits: - Section 1: - first paragraph, second sentence is very awkward and could be rewritten something like (unless I've misunderstood the objective of that sentence: OLD: This can be used when it is desired to request all label bindings for a given type of FEC Element, or to release or withdraw all label bindings for a given type of FEC element. NEW: This can be used to request, release or withdraw all label bindings for a given type of FEC element. - second paragraph, last sentence - missing articles (PWID, same) OLD: The procedures for Typed Wildcard processing for PWid and Generalized PWid FEC Elements are same as described in [RFC5918] for any typed wildcard FEC Element type. NEW: The procedures for Typed Wildcard processing for the PWid and Generalized PWid FEC Elements are the same as described in [RFC5918] for any typed wildcard FEC Element type. Section 3: - third paragraph, last sentence before list: OLD: provide more generalized and comprehensive solution by allowing: NEW: provide a more generalized and comprehensive solution by allowing: - list item 2: constraint - constrain Section 4.1: OLD: … had learnt from LSR B over LDP session. NEW: … learned from the LSR B over the LDP session. OLD: …such request… NEW: …such a request… OR ..the request… OLD: (no stale) NEW: (not stale) OLD: completes consistency check NEW: completes the consistency check Section 4.3: - first paragraph, last sentence: OLD: with large number NEW: with a large number Section 4.4: - 1st para, 2nd sentence: OLD: These procedures use LDP Address Withdraw message NEW: These procedures use an LDP Address Withdraw message - 2nd paragraph, last sentence: OLD: This per PW (VPLS instance) MAC Withdraw messages NEW: These per PW (VPLS instance) MAC Withdraw messages 3rd paragraph - 1st sentence: OLD: this document allows use of NEW: this document allows the use of ___ Gen-art mailing list Gen-art@ietf.org https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/gen-art
Re: [Gen-art] Gen-ART review: draft-ietf-pwe3-pw-typed-wc-fec-03
Thank you Mary for the review and for catching all these editorials! Thumb typed by Carlos Pignataro. Excuze typofraphicak errows On Apr 9, 2012, at 3:22 PM, Mary Barnes mary.ietf.bar...@gmail.com wrote: I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on Gen-ART, please see the FAQ at http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq. Please wait for direction from your document shepherd or AD before posting a new version of the draft. Document: draft-ietf-pwe3-pw-typed-wc-fec-03.txt Reviewer: Mary Barnes Review Date: 9 April 2012 IESG Telechat Date: 12 April 2012 Summary: Ready with nits. Comments: there are some editorial nits, many summarized below. There are several cases where an article - i.e., the, an, etc. is missing. I believe these can be fixed in AUTH48 and I imagine the RFC editor will catch them. But, if the doc needs any other updates, it would be good to make these fixes at the same time. Nits: - Section 1: - first paragraph, second sentence is very awkward and could be rewritten something like (unless I've misunderstood the objective of that sentence: OLD: This can be used when it is desired to request all label bindings for a given type of FEC Element, or to release or withdraw all label bindings for a given type of FEC element. NEW: This can be used to request, release or withdraw all label bindings for a given type of FEC element. - second paragraph, last sentence - missing articles (PWID, same) OLD: The procedures for Typed Wildcard processing for PWid and Generalized PWid FEC Elements are same as described in [RFC5918] for any typed wildcard FEC Element type. NEW: The procedures for Typed Wildcard processing for the PWid and Generalized PWid FEC Elements are the same as described in [RFC5918] for any typed wildcard FEC Element type. Section 3: - third paragraph, last sentence before list: OLD: provide more generalized and comprehensive solution by allowing: NEW: provide a more generalized and comprehensive solution by allowing: - list item 2: constraint - constrain Section 4.1: OLD: … had learnt from LSR B over LDP session. NEW: … learned from the LSR B over the LDP session. OLD: …such request… NEW: …such a request… OR ..the request… OLD: (no stale) NEW: (not stale) OLD: completes consistency check NEW: completes the consistency check Section 4.3: - first paragraph, last sentence: OLD: with large number NEW: with a large number Section 4.4: - 1st para, 2nd sentence: OLD: These procedures use LDP Address Withdraw message NEW: These procedures use an LDP Address Withdraw message - 2nd paragraph, last sentence: OLD: This per PW (VPLS instance) MAC Withdraw messages NEW: These per PW (VPLS instance) MAC Withdraw messages 3rd paragraph - 1st sentence: OLD: this document allows use of NEW: this document allows the use of ___ Gen-art mailing list Gen-art@ietf.org https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/gen-art
Re: [Gen-art] Gen-ART review: draft-ietf-pwe3-pw-typed-wc-fec-03
Thanks Mary for your review. Agree with all your comments and will fix them in next revision accordingly. Rgds, -- Kamran On 12-04-09 3:21 PM, Mary Barnes mary.ietf.bar...@gmail.com wrote: I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on Gen-ART, please see the FAQ at http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq. Please wait for direction from your document shepherd or AD before posting a new version of the draft. Document: draft-ietf-pwe3-pw-typed-wc-fec-03.txt Reviewer: Mary Barnes Review Date: 9 April 2012 IESG Telechat Date: 12 April 2012 Summary: Ready with nits. Comments: there are some editorial nits, many summarized below. There are several cases where an article - i.e., the, an, etc. is missing. I believe these can be fixed in AUTH48 and I imagine the RFC editor will catch them. But, if the doc needs any other updates, it would be good to make these fixes at the same time. Nits: - Section 1: - first paragraph, second sentence is very awkward and could be rewritten something like (unless I've misunderstood the objective of that sentence: OLD: This can be used when it is desired to request all label bindings for a given type of FEC Element, or to release or withdraw all label bindings for a given type of FEC element. NEW: This can be used to request, release or withdraw all label bindings for a given type of FEC element. [skraza]: Agree. - second paragraph, last sentence - missing articles (PWID, same) OLD: The procedures for Typed Wildcard processing for PWid and Generalized PWid FEC Elements are same as described in [RFC5918] for any typed wildcard FEC Element type. NEW: The procedures for Typed Wildcard processing for the PWid and Generalized PWid FEC Elements are the same as described in [RFC5918] for any typed wildcard FEC Element type. Section 3: - third paragraph, last sentence before list: OLD: provide more generalized and comprehensive solution by allowing: NEW: provide a more generalized and comprehensive solution by allowing: - list item 2: constraint - constrain Section 4.1: OLD: had learnt from LSR B over LDP session. NEW: learned from the LSR B over the LDP session. OLD: such request NEW: such a request OR ..the request OLD: (no stale) NEW: (not stale) OLD: completes consistency check NEW: completes the consistency check Section 4.3: - first paragraph, last sentence: OLD: with large number NEW: with a large number Section 4.4: - 1st para, 2nd sentence: OLD: These procedures use LDP Address Withdraw message NEW: These procedures use an LDP Address Withdraw message - 2nd paragraph, last sentence: OLD: This per PW (VPLS instance) MAC Withdraw messages NEW: These per PW (VPLS instance) MAC Withdraw messages 3rd paragraph - 1st sentence: OLD: this document allows use of NEW: this document allows the use of -- Syed Kamran Raza Technical Leader, SPRSG IOS-XR Routing (MPLS) Cisco Systems, Inc., Kanata, ON, K2K 3E8, Canada Ph: +1 (613) 254-4520 http://www.cisco.com ___ Gen-art mailing list Gen-art@ietf.org https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/gen-art
