[Hornlist] Re: Critics
Well, there's this guy who plays violin, but he has a bad sound. So, he switches to viola, but he plays out of tune. Then, he takes up the horn, but he misses too many notes. So, he joins the percussion section, but he has bad rhythm. Then, they take one stick away, and make him the conductor, but he can't schmooze. So he becomes a music critic! ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
Re: [Hornlist] Re: Critics
Hello Kendall, we both know a lot of such people and some wo even didn´t make it right through to be a critic, so they returned to the baton. ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] Xmas
A very Merry Christmas to all on the list and thanks to everyone for covering so many interesting subjects in the last year. Take care one and all, Simon Locke ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] A VISIT FROM SAINT DENNIS, revised for 2005
A VISIT FROM SAINT DENNIS By Prof. I.M. Gestopftmitscheist Twas the night before Kopprasch, when all through the house Not a hornist was playing, not even some Strauss; The Holtons were packed in their cases with care, In hopes that St. Dennis soon would be there. The students were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of symphony jobs danced in their heads; Completing financial aid forms was driving Mamma and me insane, As scholarships for Junior and Sis were not going to be attained. With auditions looming for college and schools, These two musicians were acting like fools. Playing only solos, excerpts, and such, Their playing was not to be considered, much. When out on the lawn there arose such a sound, I sprang from the desk like a deer on a bound! Away to the window, I flew like a flash, Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash! The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow Gave the lustre of midday to objects below, When what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a gigantic sleigh and eight great-big reindeer! A distinguished man had his hand on the rein, I new in a moment that it surely was St. Brain. More rapid than Al Cass his coursers they came, And he free buzzed, and shouted, and called them by name: Now, Alex! now Kruspe! now Conn and Holton! On, Yamaha! on Geyer! on, Schmid and Lawson! To the top of the range! to the pedal notes fall! Now play away! play away! play away all! As great horn players can do on the fly, When they meet with an excerpt, mount to the sky, So up to the roof-top the coursers they flew, With a sleigh full of music, and St. Dennis too. And then, in an eighth note, I heard on the roof The puffing and blowing of each little toot. As I drew in my head, and was futzing around, Down the chimney came St. Dennis, ready to sound. He was dressed in his tails, and patent leather shoes, And he then said to me, In a minute, great news! A bundle of music he had flung on his back, And in his right hand, a Brazilian made pack. I stared at his face, and his eyes were afire, and I knew in his life, there was only one desire, to take out a horn and play it so well, that the rest of us mortals could just go to hell! He opened the gig bag and picked up his horn, like I knew he had done since the day he was born. He then played the Siegfried with nary a clam, and all I could think of was hot damn! And this great performance had awakened the kids, Who came in a'running, and put on the skids. They were all shaken, scared, and bewildered of that Since the only horn playing they ever did sounded like crap. He then played Till Eulenspiegel with nary a crack, And all with perfect rhythm, dynamics and attack. His beautiful tone was simply amazing, Not to mention his incredible phrasing. The kids starting yelling, HOW CAN WE DO THAT? WE'LL NEVER SUCCEED IF WE PLAY LIKE CRAP! And then St. Dennis said, Please, don't despair. There is a remedy for all problems, so there. My instructions, now, you should perfectly heed, If you really ever, ever want to succeed. St. Dennis then reached down into his sack, And pulled out some music and handed it back. There are five fundamentals to playing horn well, Without support for you air, your playing will smell. A strong embouchure gives you right notes and range, Good articulation keeps things from sounding strange. You need perfect rhythm, and a very good ear, As sight reading skills help to give you no fear! Put it all together and what have you got? Why, great playing, for sure, and crap it is not! So practice these studies, numbers one through sixty. Until you have assuredness and consistency. This time you invest is always well spent, Especially when you must perform at any event. Your excerpts and solos will go like the wind, Since you know all the techniques to employ within. A tricky passage is now in your grasp, Since you have practiced and practiced: KOPPRASCH!!! With a wink of his eye and a nod of his head, I've got others to tell, tonight, he said. And then with his horn and his music in hand, Up the chimney he went, fast as fast can. He sprang to his sleigh and buzzed to his team, Away they all flew, as if in a dream. But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight, HAPPY KOPPRASCH TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT! Copywrong, 1999-2005 Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (summer only) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal
[Hornlist] The Twelve Days of Clamsaa
THE TWELVE DAYS OF CLAMSAA (the horn players' holiday season founded by Prof. I.M. Gestopftmitscheist because we deserve our own holiday, just like everyone else!) On the first day of Clamsaa, my true love gave to me, A warm-up through every key. On the second day of Clamsaa, my true love gave to me, Two Kopprasch Books, and a warm-up through every key. On the third day of Clamsaa, my true love gave to me, Three section mates, two Kopprasch books, and a warm-up through every key. On the fourth day of Clamsaa, my true love gave to me, Four Wagner Tuben, three section mates, two Kopprasch books, and a warm-up through every key. On the fifth day of Clamsaa, my true love gave to me, FIVE ELKHART CONNS! Four Wagner Tuben, three section mates, two Kopprasch books, and a warm-up through every key. On the sixth day of Clamsaa, my true love gave to me, six natural horns, FIVE ELKHART CONNS! Four Wagner Tuben, three section mates, two Kopprasch books, and a warm-up through every key. On the seventh day of Clamsaa, my true love gave to me, seven tubs of slide grease, six natural horns, FIVE ELKHART CONNS! Four Wagner Tuben, three section mates, two Kopprasch books, and a warm-up through every key. On the eighth day of Clamsaa, my true love gave to me, eight quarts of valve oil, seven tubs of slide grease, six natural horns, FIVE ELKHART CONNS! Four Wagner Tuben, three section mates, two Kopprasch books, and a warm-up through every key. On the ninth day of Clamsaa, my true love gave to me, nine different mutes, eight quarts of valve oil, seven tubs of slide grease, six natural horns, FIVE ELKHART CONNS! Four Wagner Tuben, three section mates, two Kopprasch books, and a warm-up through every key. On the tenth day of Clamsaa, my true love gave to me, ten excerpt books, nine different mutes, eight quarts of valve oil, seven tubs of slide grease, six natural horns, FIVE ELKHART CONNS! Four Wagner Tuben, three section mates, two Kopprasch books, and a warm-up through every key. On the eleventh day of Clamsaa, my true love gave to me, eleven screw-rim mouthpieces, ten excerpt books, nine different mutes, eight quarts of valve oil, seven tubs of slide grease, six natural horns, FIVE ELKHART CONNS! Four Wagner Tuben, three section mates, two Kopprasch books, and a warm-up through every key. On the twelfth day of Clamsaa, my true love gave to me, a twelve-step program, eleven screw-rim mouthpieces, ten excerpt books, nine different mutes, eight quarts of valve oil, seven tubs of slide grease, six natural horns, FIVE ELKHART CONNS! Four Wagner Tuben, three section mates, two Kopprasch books, and a warm-up through every key. Copywrong, 2005 Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (summer only) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, and What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Owner-Operator, Bad Corner Petroleum Laboratory, The Worlds Largest Valve Oil Factory Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: no New horn, $5,000. New mouthpiece, $100. Kopprasch, priceless! ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] A Musical Celebration!
Now, here is another musical celebration of CLAMSAA!!! _http://tinyurl.com/ahqtb_ (http://tinyurl.com/ahqtb) Seasonings Greetonings and Mostestest Happiestests of CLAMSAAS! Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (summer only) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, and What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Owner-Operator, Bad Corner Petroleum Laboratory, The Worlds Largest Valve Oil Factory Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: no Kopprasch is always in season. ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] E- flat
In a recent column, Alan Rich, music critic for the LA Weekly, stated that French horns are most at their ease in E-flat. I had never thought of it that way. What do you think? Well I asked around the shop. The Jupiter did agree that it was very at ease in Eb but it was the only one that went along with this. The '34 Conn voted for C of all things while the Alexander 103 thought that F was very comfortable. The model 22 natural horn felt Eb was ok but the D crook was a better fit. The old Schmidt on the nail said to mind my own [EMAIL PROTECTED] business. LLB ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
