[lace-chat] Health check
Subject: Tesco Health Check One day, in line at the works cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him, My elbow hurts like hell. I suppose I'd better see a doctor! Listen mate, don't waste your time down at the surgery, Mike replies. There's a diagnostic computer at Tesco. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong, and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and only costs five quida lot quicker and better than a doctor and you get Clubcard points. So Jack collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Tesco. He deposits five pounds and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and pleasured himself into the mixture for good measure. Jack hurried back to Tesco, eager to check what would happen. He deposits five pounds, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results with a grin . The computer prints the following: 1) Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. 2) Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. 3) Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab. 4) Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. 5) And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better Thank you for shopping at Tesco Agnes Boddington - Elloughton UK To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] Birthday Request
Hello all, In the past I know that some of you have sent greetings to friends of people on the list. Well, it's not my birthday, but that of my Grandfather. He will be 88 next month on the 18th and I am asking a favour of my fellow Arachnes. He would be thrilled to receive postcards and greetings from all over the world. He always looks up places on maps and atlases. Whenever I move he checks the address and marks it on a map. So, if any of you care to wish him a 'Happy Birthday', please contact me for his address. I would be very grateful and I know he will be too. Thanks Heather Abbotsford, BC Off to school in a moment. To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] OT: Re: [lace] Re: bobbins tied or wound loose
This fits the most recent posting of Tamara in lace-chat (the FCC video - thank you for the laugh) ... some personal tidbits like that after a long mail about lace making are perfectly o.k. IMHO - and make the persons writing here more real for me ... so please don't start to censor everything that's not 100% lace. Just my 2c, Achim (from a country with a bad history regarding censorship) 2007/10/18, Aurelia Loveman [EMAIL PROTECTED]: Just to remind various spiders among us that this is a list devoted to lace topics, not politics. Let us please maintain it that way. Aurelia Loveman Catonsville, MD T, who -- just yesterday -- discovered that Dick (Deadeye) Cheney (US VP) is family; a (rich) relation. Thankfully, 350yrs removed, but... The embarrassment! The shame! -- Tamara P Duvallhttp://t-n-lace.net/ Lexington, Virginia, USA (Formerly of Warsaw, Poland) To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Re: [lace-chat] OT: Re: [lace] Re: bobbins tied or wound loose
Actually I agree with political comments being kept off the list. Not everyone is of the same agreement politically and some comments that have been posted are quite offensive to others. There have been more than one that I find extremely offensive and I agree that they have no place on this list. Shere'e Seattle, WA USA On 10/18/07, Achim Siebert [EMAIL PROTECTED] wrote: This fits the most recent posting of Tamara in lace-chat (the FCC video - thank you for the laugh) ... some personal tidbits like that after a long mail about lace making are perfectly o.k. IMHO - and make the persons writing here more real for me ... so please don't start to censor everything that's not 100% lace. Just my 2c, Achim (from a country with a bad history regarding censorship) 2007/10/18, Aurelia Loveman [EMAIL PROTECTED]: Just to remind various spiders among us that this is a list devoted to lace topics, not politics. Let us please maintain it that way. Aurelia Loveman Catonsville, MD To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Re: [lace-chat] OT: Re: [lace] Re: bobbins tied or wound loose
hi everybody lace-chat is devoted to everything but lace actually ... or so i thought .. ;-) dominique from Paris Shere'e wrote: Actually I agree with political comments being kept off the list. Not everyone is of the same agreement politically and some comments that have been posted are quite offensive to others. There have been more than one that I find extremely offensive and I agree that they have no place on this list. Shere'e Seattle, WA USA On 10/18/07, Achim Siebert [EMAIL PROTECTED] wrote: This fits the most recent posting of Tamara in lace-chat (the FCC video - thank you for the laugh) ... some personal tidbits like that after a long mail about lace making are perfectly o.k. IMHO - and make the persons writing here more real for me ... so please don't start to censor everything that's not 100% lace. Just my 2c, Achim (from a country with a bad history regarding censorship) 2007/10/18, Aurelia Loveman [EMAIL PROTECTED]: Just to remind various spiders among us that this is a list devoted to lace topics, not politics. Let us please maintain it that way. Aurelia Loveman Catonsville, MD To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED] To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Re: [lace-chat] Confused
I know Tamara put a line below her signature about being related to Dick Chaney. Was Aurelia's post in regard to this line? It was just this single line that provoked Aurelia's mail - I don't think there was anything else she could have meant. That's why I think the rebuke was way over the top. We're not robots - while doing CTCT there's time for many thoughts - political, philosophical, whatever ... and telling us about some of them humanizes this mailing list. I have a little book about women in the Erzgebirge with all those little stories they told each other while working on the lace - not all of those stories were profane. I imagine the lace list to be somewhat similar - some lacemakers sitting together talking ... mostly about lace, but also about things that move them. So better not shut people up. Another 2 euro-cents, Achim. To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Re: [lace-chat] Confused
There have actually been quite a few little tags and a couple of jokes that could very easily (and in some cases very obviously) been slams at political figures. It is getting to be that time again here in the US for political season to go into full swing. As I have said before, I personally agree with Aurelia about no politics on this list. I really would like to have at least one place in my life that I can get away from that. Not everyone has the same views when it comes to the BIG 3 hot button items (Politics, Religion, Reproductive Rights) and having someplace where they are kept to the minumum/prohibited cuts down on a lot of the hurt feelings and problems on the list. Personally I feel that Tamara's comment is way out of line and quite offensive. Yes, in the US we have the right to critize the government but constant slams against people's personal lives/values is offensive and out of line. If you are against thier politics that is one thing, private life is just not acceptable to me. My 2 pence/cents worth. Shere'e Seattle, WA USA -- www.webeweddings.com Unique Weddings for Unique Couples To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] letters to the editor
*Letters to the editor* Could the Home Secretary explain to me how biometric checks on iris Patterns and fingerprints are going to help keep tabs on Muslim cleric Abu Hamsa. //Les Barnsley // The government tells us that we are eating too many pies and dying of heart disease, then in the next breath they're telling us we are living too long and there'll be no more pension money left for us. I wish they'd make their bloody minds up. //John// ** 'Alton Towers - Where the magic never ends', or so the commercial says. Imagine my disappointment when it closed at 7.30. //Colum Hill // I am married to a Taiwanese lady, and people often ask me if she was a mail-order bride. I find this very insensitive. The Royal Mail lose around 2 million letters and parcels each year, and to suggest that I would trust the delivery of my wife to them is insulting in the extreme. She was sent by DHL next day delivery. //L Palmer, London // ** **The record companies would have us believe that the money made by CD Pirates goes to fund the drug industry. But the money rock stars make from legal record sales ends up in exactly the same place. When they stop breaking the law, so will I. //P Boddington, Ringway // ** **It really annoys me to see these suicide bombers blowing up people as well as themselves. In my day, suicide was done in a more dignified way, such as slicing your wrists in the bath, or hanging yourself from a door with a belt. //Paul Mulraney, Belfast // ** ** My friend's mum recently pointed out that I have the same ironing board cover as her. Can anyone think of a more mundane and pointless remark to make than this? //Alun Daniel // ** ** I'LL never understand my neighbour. He has recently started wheel-clamping his own caravan when he finds he has inadvertently parked it in his own drive! I wonder if he is a sadist, a masochist or both. //Alan Thakray// Did anyone else feel that Mel Gibson's remake of the classic Life of Brian wasn't anywhere near as funny as the original? //Anon // On the BBC website, I read with interest that some scientists in Australia have discovered the smallest fish known to exist. They've obviously never been to the Britannia Chippy on the Gloucester Road . //Alan J., London // Hats off to the American police. They arrive at Michael Jackson's Neverland ranch to arrest him a mere six months after he admits climbing into bed with young boys on worldwide TV. Perhaps they should get some faster cars. //T Barnham, London // HOW come rap artist Dr. Dre can use the 'N' word on his multi-million selling albums and win a MOBO award, yet when I used it at my son's football match I was asked to leave the park? Once again, it's one law for the rich and another for the poor. //Reg Ashcroft, Bradford // The government says that there are nearly 50,000 people with HIV in Britain , a third of whom do not even know that they have it. Is it just me, or is it a bit harsh that the government know and haven't told the poor sods? //John Campbell, e-mail // Never mind ventriloquists like Keith Harris and Roger DeCourcey. What about Professor Stephen Hawking? I saw him on telly blathering on about galaxies for hours and I never saw his lips move once. Genius. //Mike Woods, e-mail // With reference to that series Manhunt where ex-Special Forces soldiers try to hunt down Andy McNab. Why don't the producers include a couple of Iraqis in the hunting team? They found the tw*t quickly enough the last time he played hide and seek with them. //Shuggie, Email // **Hats off to the witty burglars who stole my entire CD collection with the exception of There is Nothing Left to Lose by the Foo Fighters. I hope that when sentencing, the judge takes into account their splendid sense of humour. //Chris Scaife, Jesmond // I see on the news that Lord Hutton says he is satisfied that David Kelly took his own life. He may not have liked Dr. Kelly that much, but isn't this taking gloating just a little too far? //Dave Owen, Edinburgh // I was extremely saddened to hear of Richard Whiteley's recent death. But I was cheered to imagine his life support machine making the famous Countdown da-da, da-da, da-da-da-da! Booo! sound as he took his final breaths. //Tripod // I never worry about the destination when I'm going on holiday. My dad is Iranian and my mum is Irish, so I spend most of the time in customs. //Stan // **What's all this nonsense about that 66-year-old Romanian woman being the world's oldest mum? My mum's 77. Beat that. //Thomas J // // /Hopefully this brings a few smiles on a cold day/ Agnes Boddington - Elloughton UK/ // // // To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Re: [lace-chat] letters to the editor
/Hopefully this brings a few smiles on a cold day/ Thanks, Agnes, it did. I'm glad British humour totally lacks the political correctness of American humor. Best, Achim. To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[lace-chat] FW: Pricking size change help needed
ERROR that should be size 8 perle cotton NOT size 80 -Original Message- From: Shere'e [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] Sent: Thursday, October 18, 2007 6:26 PM To: 'lace' Subject: Pricking size change help needed I am getting ready to do a demo for the boyscout's tomorrow and discovered that the thread I thought I had is not there (student may have borrowed it and forgot to tell me) I needed to use a 80 perle cotton. I want to use a 80/3 linen. Can someone let me know the % of size change I need to do to the pricking so it would work right? I can't find my conversion book. Shere'e Seattle, WA USA To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
