Sue Hartigan <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> writes:
The Best of the Worst Country-Western Song Titles (These are *real*)
* Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In The Bed
* Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts Of Life
* Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye
* Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
* How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
* How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You When You Know I've
Been A Liar All My Life
* I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life
* I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
* I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me
* I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart.
* I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You
* I Wanna Whip Your Cow
* I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck
* I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dawg Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win
* I'd Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Frontal Lobotomy
* I'm Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life
* I'm The Only Hell Mama Ever Raised
* I've Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart
* I've Got The Hungries For Your Love And I'm Waiting In Your
Welfare Line
* If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
* If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low
* If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You
* If You Don't Leave Me Alone, I'll Go And Find Someone Else Who
Will
* If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?
* Mama Get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)
* My Every Day Silver Is Plastic
* My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was
Breaking My Heart
* My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him
* Oh, I've Got Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are Slipping Down,
But Baby I Can See Through You
* Pardon Me, I've Got Someone To Kill
* She Got The Gold Mine And I Got The Shaft
* She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger
* She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart
* She's Got Freckles On Her, But She's Pretty
* Thank God And Greyhound She's Gone
* They May Put Me In Prison, But They Can't Stop My Face From
Breakin' Out
* Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart
* When You Leave Walk Out Backwards, So I'll Think You're Walking In
* You Can't Have Your Kate And Edith Too
* You Can't Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd
* You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat
* You Were Only A Splinter As I Slid Down The Bannister Of Life
* You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly
If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from
the rat race, you're a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy.
If you work too hard, there is never any time for her.
If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is
exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you
should get off your butt and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism.
If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.
If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.
If you cry, you're a wimp.
If you don't, you're an insensitive clod.
If you thump her, it's wife bashing.
If she thumps you, it's self defense.
If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a
chauvinist.
If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a
liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's
domination.
If she asks you, it's a favor.
If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain.
If you don't, you're a slob.
If you buy her flowers, you're after something.
If you don't, you're not thoughtful.
If you're proud of your achievements, you're up on yourself.
If you don't, you're not ambitious.
If she has a headache, she's tired.
If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.
--
Kathy E
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FIVE REASONS COMPUTERS MUST BE FEMALE
5. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
4. Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for
future reference.
3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is
incomprehensible to everyone else.
2. The message, "Bad command or filename," is about as informative as
"If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going
to tell you."
1. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending
half your paycheck on accessories for it
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TOP10 Ways cars would be different if Microsoft were building cars:
1. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would
have to buy a new car.
2. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason,
and you would just accept this, restart, and drive on.
3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop
and fail and you would have to re-install the engine. For some
strange reason, you would accept this, too.
4. You could only have one person i
