EXACTLY! It is possible to be friends with employees, as long as they remember
you are the boss. I've had mostly longterm success stories (and only a couple
very short-lived disasters).
Its not unlike the balance a parent needs to find with their children. Tough
love. Trust, but verify. Mutual respect is key.
At 02:11 PM 6/7/2010, Don Smith wrote:
>I to use the same approach as Dan, the only thing you need to be careful about
>is making sure they don't start taking advantage of your friendship for their
>own gain. Once this starts happening you need to put a stop to it and let
>them know who's the boss and that includes their termination if necessary.
>Don
>c 5/6 incomplete 22 yrs.
>>
>> I take Dan's approach. It works well for us.
>> I am mom of Jesse White, 28 year old quad since birth.
>> Summer White
>> - Original Message - From: "Dan"
>> To:
>> Sent: Friday, June 04, 2010 5:19 PM
>> Subject: Re: [QUAD-L] aids
>>
>>
>>> Well I guess there's two approaches you can take. The first is the
>>> supervisor type. Wherein, you treat your PCAs strictly as employees. Many
>>> quads use this approach, and it seems to work for them. I've tried this
>>> approach, but I found it very lonely.
>>>
>>> I use the other approach, wherein the people that work with me become my
>>> true friends. I want them to care about me as they would any other good
>>> friend. I've been doing this for over 20 years and it has worked out very
>>> well. My PCAs share everything with me and I do the same with them. You can
>>> still set boundaries, but it's done in a friendly way. Just like you would
>>> with any friend. For instance, if they are continually late. I might say --
>>> so, what's up with that being late business?
>>>
>>> I have had arguments with my PCA's sometimes even fights though we always
>>> make up. And since we are friends, they always make sure that someone will
>>> be there for me unlike the supervisor role, where the PCA thinks of me as
>>> just another boss. In other words, since I'm not their friend they would
>>> have no problem quitting on the spot and leaving me high and dry - or low
>>> and wet ;). And yes, I've been a counselor to them many a time, and vice
>>> versa.
>>>
>>> So this way has worked well for me, but for others perhaps not. It's a
>>> choice you have to make based on your own personality.
>>>
>>> Dan
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> At 07:35 PM 6/4/2010, shellbell5...@aim.com said something that elicited my
>>> response:
>>>
This question is for those of you who have aids that are not not consumer
employed. I am attending college and am
3 hours away from home. How and where do you draw boundaries with your
aids? A lady I respect told me to keep our relationship a business one.
My problem is this in the past I have become friends with these women
(it's difficult not to.) But then I tart hearing about there problems
and our relationship is no longer a working relationship. Seems they take
that as a sign as they can come, do very little and
or take care of personal calls for instance. My dorm is a small area so I
hear the whole conversation. My aid spoke to her child's teacher
this am. She was on the phone over 5 minutes then when she got off began
to explain the difficulty she is having with her
daughter. It is not that I do not care I do! (Probably too nice for my own
good.) I just do not want to become someones counselor.
Do you listen but make no comment and hope she will keep info to herself?
I have been working on establishing boundaries. To protect them from me as
well as me from them. My last aid showed up with
booze on her breath. I told her boss but instead of confronting her
employee saying something like, "a consumer reported that they
smelled alcohol on your breath She told her "Shelly tolm me." then
my aid called me and it became personal. Anyway I just
want to do the right thing. How do you guys draw those lines or even set
the standards? How friendly or even how much
info do you give up?
My "accident" was a blessing in many ways and I have learned many valuable
lessons these past soon to be 4 years.I am
grateful for all that I have been given and do believe it's my purpose to
be a blessing. That does not mean that I let people
get away with things that are unacceptable. Am I making a big deal out of
nothing? She is a sweet girl... I am going to "shut up"
Blessings~
Shelly
C6-C7 Incomplete
July 31 will be 4 years
>>>
