EXACTLY! It is possible to be friends with employees, as long as they remember you are the boss. I've had mostly longterm success stories (and only a couple very short-lived disasters).
Its not unlike the balance a parent needs to find with their children. Tough love. Trust, but verify. Mutual respect is key. At 02:11 PM 6/7/2010, Don Smith wrote: >I to use the same approach as Dan, the only thing you need to be careful about >is making sure they don't start taking advantage of your friendship for their >own gain. Once this starts happening you need to put a stop to it and let >them know who's the boss and that includes their termination if necessary. >Don >c 5/6 incomplete 22 yrs. >> >> I take Dan's approach. It works well for us. >> I am mom of Jesse White, 28 year old quad since birth. >> Summer White >> ----- Original Message ----- From: "Dan" <d...@unh.edu> >> To: <quad-list@eskimo.com > >> Sent: Friday, June 04, 2010 5:19 PM >> Subject: Re: [QUAD-L] aids >> >> >>> Well I guess there's two approaches you can take. The first is the >>> supervisor type. Wherein, you treat your PCAs strictly as employees. Many >>> quads use this approach, and it seems to work for them. I've tried this >>> approach, but I found it very lonely. >>> >>> I use the other approach, wherein the people that work with me become my >>> true friends. I want them to care about me as they would any other good >>> friend. I've been doing this for over 20 years and it has worked out very >>> well. My PCAs share everything with me and I do the same with them. You can >>> still set boundaries, but it's done in a friendly way. Just like you would >>> with any friend. For instance, if they are continually late. I might say -- >>> so, what's up with that being late business? >>> >>> I have had arguments with my PCA's sometimes even fights though we always >>> make up. And since we are friends, they always make sure that someone will >>> be there for me unlike the supervisor role, where the PCA thinks of me as >>> just another boss. In other words, since I'm not their friend they would >>> have no problem quitting on the spot and leaving me high and dry - or low >>> and wet ;). And yes, I've been a counselor to them many a time, and vice >>> versa. >>> >>> So this way has worked well for me, but for others perhaps not. It's a >>> choice you have to make based on your own personality. >>> >>> Dan >>> >>> >>> >>> At 07:35 PM 6/4/2010, shellbell5...@aim.com said something that elicited my >>> response: >>> >>>> This question is for those of you who have aids that are not not consumer >>>> employed. I am attending college and am >>>> 3 hours away from home. How and where do you draw boundaries with your >>>> aids? A lady I respect told me to keep our relationship a business one. >>>> >>>> My problem is this in the past I have become friends with these women >>>> (it's difficult not to.) But then I tart hearing about there problems >>>> and our relationship is no longer a working relationship. Seems they take >>>> that as a sign as they can come, do very little and >>>> or take care of personal calls for instance. My dorm is a small area so I >>>> hear the whole conversation. My aid spoke to her child's teacher >>>> this am. She was on the phone over 5 minutes then when she got off began >>>> to explain the difficulty she is having with her >>>> daughter. It is not that I do not care I do! (Probably too nice for my own >>>> good.) I just do not want to become someones counselor. >>>> Do you listen but make no comment and hope she will keep info to herself? >>>> >>>> I have been working on establishing boundaries. To protect them from me as >>>> well as me from them. My last aid showed up with >>>> booze on her breath. I told her boss but instead of confronting her >>>> employee saying something like, "a consumer reported that they >>>> smelled alcohol on your breath.... She told her "Shelly tolm me....." then >>>> my aid called me and it became personal. Anyway I just >>>> want to do the right thing. How do you guys draw those lines or even set >>>> the standards? How friendly or even how much >>>> info do you give up? >>>> >>>> My "accident" was a blessing in many ways and I have learned many valuable >>>> lessons these past soon to be 4 years.I am >>>> grateful for all that I have been given and do believe it's my purpose to >>>> be a blessing. That does not mean that I let people >>>> get away with things that are unacceptable. Am I making a big deal out of >>>> nothing? She is a sweet girl... I am going to "shut up" >>>> >>>> Blessings~ >>>> Shelly >>>> C6-C7 Incomplete >>>> July 31 will be 4 years >>>
