Re: [tor-talk] Jacob Appelbaum Has Allegedly Engaged in Sexual Misconduct for Over a Decade

[Cecilia Tanaka]

On Jun 9, 2016 12:50 PM, "Cecilia Tanaka"  wrote:

>> Public lynching is not a good hobby at all.  Did I try sports?  Do you
like electronics?  :)

Whoops!  My mistake, sorry!  I was trying to say "Did you try sports?",
pardon.  :P

I had no sleep and there are lots of mistakes, uff...  :(

Read this quote, please.  It is pretty beautiful and it was sent for me few
minutes ago.

“Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative
altruism or the darkness of destructive selfishness. This is the judgment.
Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, What are you doing for
others? “  - Martin Luther King Jr

Try to find some light, my dear.  "Be excellent to each other", do you
remember?  ;)

Take care!  :*

Cecilia
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Re: [tor-talk] Jacob Appelbaum Has Allegedly Engaged in Sexual Misconduct for Over a Decade

[Cecilia Tanaka]

[OT-OT-OT]  [projects]  [hackthon]

Dear ja.talk,

I was searching for some fun projects for making a dear maker friend smile
and I've found some projects that can be useful for your fun and also for
your public moral harassments!  You can create your own crime map, yay!  :D

http://www.stupidhackathon.com

Hey, did I mention before that here, in my country, this thing you are
doing with Jake is considered a crime too?  It is always lovely to learn
more about other countries, isn't it?   :D

Well, I think you need to study a bit and trying new things if you want to
be happy.  Public lynching is not a good hobby at all.  Did I try sports?
Do you like electronics?  :)

My friend loves LEDs and I am searching for some cool and fun electronics
projects.  If you find any one, just tell me, please.  I love LEDs too.  A
little blink is able to warm hearts.  Try it, please.  :)

If you prefer, I am searching for some good Italian recipes of bread too.
My friend and I love Italian breads in general.  If you taste them, your
mood will be better.  Serotonin saves lives and bread is a proof that God
probably exists!  :)))

Take care and have a lovely day!  Kisses, happiness and hot tea!  :*

Cecilia, taking hot tea...
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Re: [tor-talk] Jacob Appelbaum Has Allegedly Engaged in Sexual Misconduct for Over a Decade

[Cecilia Tanaka]

Nah, please, I am not an "amazing person" and I don't have this kind of
pretension.  Never had or will have, I swear.

I am just a pretty boring talkative nerd and I am trying to kill ja.talk
group with boredom and sad stories from my past, haha!!  ;D

Oh, please, ja.talk group, it was *not* serious.  Don't create a site
saying that I want to kill you all, because I don't kill any animal and if
I decide to eat meat again, I will eat bacon.  Not Kevin Bacon, just the
poor smoked and salted pigs!  Better explain it with more details or they
will publish that I a pervert trying to rape an old actor!  :(((

If my whole life was a complete disaster and I am living without trying to
explode the whole world in revenge, why the f*ck they just can't get a
life?  I really like to live and let live.

Even brutal storms have own beauty.  I prefer deep, infinite blue skies,
but I love rainy days too.  It is easier to live loving little tender joys
and your own life...  :-)

Tender kisses, my dear.  Believe me, I am just pretty fool, not an "amazing
person" at all.  Take care!  :*

Cecilia
On Jun 8, 2016 10:55 PM, "Zenaan Harkness"  wrote:

> Cecilia, you are an amazing person, to transform the experiences you have
> had and to be able to come to this conversation with the love and
> gentleness - this brings a tear to my eye.
>
> Thank you.
>
> Truly, you are an inspiration,
> Zenaan
>
>
> On Wed, Jun 08, 2016 at 08:58:49PM -0300, Cecilia Tanaka wrote:
> > My dear ja.talk,
> >
> > The most sad about this kind of stories of abuse and rape is having
> > absolute conviction that some of Jake's "victims" are much more pervert,
> > rapist and hypocrite than Jake, me and great part of people here.
> ...
> much heartfelt sharing and insight from Cecilia,
> well worth reading if you aint done so yet
> ...
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>
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Re: [tor-talk] Jacob Appelbaum Has Allegedly Engaged in Sexual Misconduct for Over a Decade

[Zenaan Harkness]

Cecilia, you are an amazing person, to transform the experiences you have
had and to be able to come to this conversation with the love and
gentleness - this brings a tear to my eye.

Thank you.

Truly, you are an inspiration,
Zenaan


On Wed, Jun 08, 2016 at 08:58:49PM -0300, Cecilia Tanaka wrote:
> My dear ja.talk,
> 
> The most sad about this kind of stories of abuse and rape is having
> absolute conviction that some of Jake's "victims" are much more pervert,
> rapist and hypocrite than Jake, me and great part of people here.
...
much heartfelt sharing and insight from Cecilia,
well worth reading if you aint done so yet
...
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Re: [tor-talk] Jacob Appelbaum Has Allegedly Engaged in Sexual Misconduct for Over a Decade

[ja . talk]

https://hypatia.ca/2016/06/07/he-said-they-said/

Leigh Honeywell

June 7, 2016

He said, they said

Content note for discussion of sexual violence.

"The problem with "open secrets" is that they are never open enough to keep 
people safe :("

A number of people are now coming forward with details of the long record of 
sexual misconduct committed by Jacob Appelbaum. The stories I have read are 
entirely consistent with my own experiences being sexually involved with Jacob 
in 2006-2007.

I am writing this under my real name because I am fortunate enough to be able 
to afford to. I am lucky to have a stable economic and immigration situation, 
and I am not close enough to Jacob’s world to be in any way dependent on his 
opinion of me, or on the opinions of people who might support him. I know 
that’s not true for everybody, and I recognize that many of the people speaking 
up about Jacob’s abuse are marginalized – by state surveillance, by gender, by 
sexuality, by geography, by poverty, and by other factors. I stand with their 
decision to publish their accounts of his actions in a way that allowed them to 
feel safer speaking out. I am also glad that Nick Farr has also felt able to 
come forward with his own experience under his own name.

Jacob and I were involved on and off over the course of 2006 and 2007, mainly 
spending time together at security conferences. During that time, I was also 
seeing other people, with the consent and awareness of all involved. In that 
time we spent together, he violated boundaries I set as though they were a 
game, particularly at times when I was intoxicated. There were a number of 
times I felt afraid and violated during interactions with Jacob. Being involved 
with him was a steady stream of humiliations small and large as he mistreated 
me in front of others and over-shared about our intimate interactions with 
friends who were often also professional colleagues.

For example, on several occasions in professional situations, he told other 
people that I was good at a particular sex act. On another occasion where my 
primary romantic partner at the time, Paul Wouters, was also present, Jacob 
ignored my use of a safeword when his sexual behavior turned into violent 
behavior that violated my limits. Paul and I both had to repeatedly tell Jacob 
to stop, and the experience was profoundly upsetting. I believe that one of the 
common elements of Jacob’s abusive behavior is humiliating one or another 
member of a couple in front of the other – as other accounts of his actions are 
published, that is something worth watching out for. (NB: I am including Paul’s 
name here with his consent – because that matters.)

Jacob was a charismatic and central figure in the security community I spent 
the early part of my career in. Many of our friends and colleagues saw the way 
he treated me and did nothing about it, so it took me years before I realized 
how abusive he was to me. Until that realization, I remained “friends” with 
him. It was witnessing his uncritical support of Assange and smearing of 
Assange’s accusers – something I disagree with intensely – that made me 
understand the true measure of his character. It was seeing him deny other 
women’s experiences of sexual violence that made me fully realize how bad my 
own experiences with him had been.

If you are horrified by this and want to take action, here’s what I suggest.

One final note of warning: I’ve noticed at least one person who also has a 
history of sexual assault spreading word about the accusations about Jacob in a 
supportive way. I just want to say that, like Jacob himself, simply talking the 
talk about consent and sex positivity and “yes means yes” does not make someone 
a safe person to be around. Watch for people using this technique to groom 
future victims and don’t let someone’s words speak louder than their actions, 
big and small.

Comments are open but will be heavily moderated. I would prefer that people not 
contact me to disclose their own stories of mistreatment, as I am not 
(currently) a trained counselor and am already struggling with the emotional 
toll of publishing this. If you need emotional support, please reach out to 
people close to you, a counselor in your area, or to the trained folks at RAINN 
or Crisis Text Line.
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Re: [tor-talk] Jacob Appelbaum Has Allegedly Engaged in Sexual Misconduct for Over a Decade

[Cecilia Tanaka]

My dear ja.talk,

The most sad about this kind of stories of abuse and rape is having
absolute conviction that some of Jake's "victims" are much more pervert,
rapist and hypocrite than Jake, me and great part of people here.

Once, some years ago, I was so innocent and fool as Jake and told about a
threesome experience in my loved hackerspace, full of my dear friends.

I really liked my threesome experience and, being ingenuous, I just tried
to share some impressions about it.  I thought it would be fun for them too.

Well, after this event, I am considered "pervert" until nowadays in great
part of Brazilian hacker community, even being straight edge.  Almost
straight edge, in reality.  I am not feeling so vegan since I saw a
ridiculous situation in person.

Some people are able to feed all the stray cats and dogs of the city and
don't give a kind word to another human being, because is a homeless.
Human beings are animals too.  They need respect and care too.

The same thing that I saw here.  Hypocrisy and contradictions, absence of
logic and respect, incoerences...  Aff...  :(((

Dear ja.talk, please, get a life, your own life, instead taking Jake's.  It
is not so hard.  If you do need help to survive in a better and less
painful way  -  without kill my friends or their reputations and/or mine,
please!  -  just write me in private and ask for good references  (music,
cooking recipes, jokes, etc)  and good readings.

Please, consider *really seriously* some kind of psychological treatment
too.  It is not healthy, neither normal, trying to destroy a person with so
much fury and rage.  And, please, always remember:

**  Talking is cheap.  Show me the code.  **

Jake is not a saint, but he, definitely, is not a monster.  He never was a
monster.  Sorry, why so much hate?  :-/

If you cannot proof or don't want to talk pretty seriously in a tribunal
about all the aleged abuses, Tor Project will pay for your legal mistakes.

Do you know what lawyers usually do in USA?  The same thing that you are
doing here.  They destroy lives, my dear ja.talk.

For now, Tor Project is still alive and working, more or less, well.  After
some public scandals and paying great indenizations, I doubt a lot.  Is it
your real purpose?  Destroy lives and security projects?  Please, think
about it with open mind and open heart.

Take care and be well, ja.talk group.  Warm and sincere wishes of inner
peace, harmony and hope for you all.  I always survived because I had true
hope in a better future, maybe not for me, but for the rest of the world.
I still dream of a better world.

Survive without destroy people around, please.  First, Jake.  Now Roger
too?  When will the public lynching stop?  Always without clemency,
compassion?  :(

Do you know what is love?  What do you feel when see someone crying?  Do
you have a heart?  Mine is broken, but never will be cruel as yours.  I
prefer to kill myself all the days than becoming so cruel and coward as you
are being right now.

Cecilia
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