Thanks
- Original Message -
From: "Sandy!"
To:
Sent: Saturday, February 13, 2010 3:03 PM
Subject: Re: [RecipesAndMore] On the Lighter Side...
Steve, I! really! like these, and again, as always, thanks!
Sandy
- Original Message -
From: "Sherri Crum"
Smiles
- Original Message -
From: "Sherri Crum"
To:
Sent: Saturday, February 13, 2010 2:30 PM
Subject: Re: [RecipesAndMore] On the Lighter Side...
Hi Steve,
Hehehehehe, hahahahah, hehehehehhe, I like these. Thanks.
Sherri
On 2/13/10, steve doyle wrote:
On the Li
Steve, I! really! like these, and again, as always, thanks!
Sandy
- Original Message -
From: "Sherri Crum"
To:
Sent: Saturday, February 13, 2010 8:30 AM
Subject: Re: [RecipesAndMore] On the Lighter Side...
Hi Steve,
Hehehehehe, hahahahah, hehehehehhe, I like thes
Hi Steve,
Hehehehehe, hahahahah, hehehehehhe, I like these. Thanks.
Sherri
On 2/13/10, steve doyle wrote:
> On the Lighter Side...
>
> Which Sermon?
>
> A man who hadn't attended church in years
> suddenly began attending faithfully on Sunday
> mornings instead of going fishing as was his
> n
On the Lighter Side...
Which Sermon?
A man who hadn't attended church in years
suddenly began attending faithfully on Sunday
mornings instead of going fishing as was his
normal habit. The pastor was highly gratified and
at the end of service one morning told him, "How
wonderful it makes me f
As usual, these really were good. thanks.
- Original Message -
From: rebeccamann...@hotmail.com
To: recipesandmore@googlegroups.com
Sent: Thursday, January 21, 2010 6:31 AM
Subject: Re: [RecipesAndMore] On the Lighter Side...
These were good
Thanks,
Becky
From
These were good
Thanks,
Becky
From: steve doyle
Sent: Tuesday, January 19, 2010 5:33 PM
To: recipesandmore@googlegroups.com
Subject: [RecipesAndMore] On the Lighter Side...
On the Lighter Side...
Oh...
Patty began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager
to help. One
On the Lighter Side...
Oh...
Patty began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager
to help. One day during recess she walked outside and noticed a girl
standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of
the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other. Patty app
Hi, Steve!
This is awesome; really enjoyed it and thanks so much for sharing.
- Original Message -
From: "Frances Vitulla"
To:
Sent: Saturday, December 19, 2009 12:18 PM
Subject: Re: [RecipesAndMore] On the Lighter Side...
> Hi Steve, I like this one. Thanks for sharin
Hi Steve, I like this one. Thanks for sharing.
Original message:
> On the Lighter Side...
> Right On Schedule
> When I go to a local discount store to get oil and filters for my
> car, I buy my wife a bouquet of flowers on display near the checkout
> counter. During one trip, some women in line b
On the Lighter Side...
Right On Schedule
When I go to a local discount store to get oil and filters for my
car, I buy my wife a bouquet of flowers on display near the checkout
counter. During one trip, some women in line behind me were oohing
and aahing about a husband getting flowers for his
On the Lighter Side...
Special Delivery
It was 6 p.m., and I was about to leave the coin laundry where I was
employed. My boss called me over and asked if I would mind dropping
off someone's laundry on my way home. "It's for my cousin," she
apologized, "who's eight months pregnant and can't ge
On the Lighter Side...
Windows Fans
There was once a young man who, in his youth,
professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define "great," he said, "I want to
write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff
that people will react to on a truly emotional
level, stuff tha
On the Lighter Side...
Art Appreciation
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in
his paintings on display at that time. "I have good news and bad
news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired
about your work and wondered if it would appreciate
On the Lighter Side...
Education
"So, how are you getting along with your gorgeous new girlfriend?"
"Not so good. I asked her whether she could learn to love me." "Yeah
-- and?" "She asked how much I was willing to spend on her education."
Granny
The little boy came home from his first day at
On the Lighter Side...
Doctor's Office
While I sat in the reception area of my doctor's
office, a woman rolled an elderly man in a
wheelchair into the room. As she went to the
receptionist's desk, the man sat there, alone and
silent. Just as I was thinking I should make
small talk with him,
On the Lighter Side...
The Kiss
Little Jennie, age six, proudly told her mother that Billy Brown had
kissed her after class. "How did that happen?" gasped her mother. "It
wasn't easy," admitted the young lady, "but three girls helped me catch him."
Exercise Plan
A visiting speaker was impress
On the Lighter Side...
Medication
What's the difference between Bird 'Flu and Swine 'Flu? For one you
need Tweetment and for the other Oinkment.
The Playpen
Mary was almost crazy with her three young kids. She complained to
her best friend Judy, "They're driving me nuts! They give me no rest!
On the Lighter Side...
Is That Wedding Music That I Hear?
Donna was the organist for our wedding. She related a story to us
about a previous wedding in which she and her husband, Burk, were
participating (she played and he sang). During rehearsal the audio
man at the church asked them to sing
On the Lighter Side...
Ants
A garden center customer picks up a container of
insecticide and asks the salesperson, "Is this
good for red ants?" "No," says the salesperson. "It'll kill 'em!"
In Fairness...
The Great Lakes Laboratory employed a licensed
boat captain to man its research vessel.
On the Lighter Side...
Is That Wedding Music That I Hear?
Donna was the organist for our wedding. She related a story to us
about a previous wedding in which she and her husband, Burk, were
participating (she played and he sang). During rehearsal the audio
man at the church asked them to sing
On the Lighter Side...
Answered Prayer
During the minister's prayer one Sunday, there was a loud whistle
from one of the back pews. Tommy's mother was horrified. She pinched
him into silence and, after church, asked, 'Tommy, whatever made you
do such a thing?' Tommy answered soberly, 'I asked
On the Lighter Side...
Flying
Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned
around, and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally
took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was
the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in
On the Lighter Side...
No Parking
As I pulled into a crowded parking lot, I asked the cop standing
there, "Is it all right to park here?" "No," he said. "Can't you see
that No Parking sign?" "What about all those other cars in there?" He
shrugged. "They didn't ask."
To Make It Clear
Joe's wi
On the Lighter Side...
The Sermon
They say that a preacher's wife is always his number one assistant.
An example of this comes one Sunday morning after the preacher had
just finished his sermon. He went and sat down with his wife and she
asked him how he thought the church service went. The Pr
On the Lighter Side...
Medical #1
A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital
in his wheelchair just before his operation. A nurse stopped him and
asked, "What's the matter?" He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a
very simple operation, so don't worry. I'm sure it wi
On the Lighter Side...
What It Means
A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I
know what the Bible means!" His father smiled and replied, "What do
you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?" The son replied, "I do
know!" "Okay," said his father. "What does the Bible mea
On the Lighter Side...
Payback Time
All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down
the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride
kissed her father and placed something in his hand. The guests in the
front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even th
On the Lighter Side...
Urgent Mission
A man rushed to the jewelry counter in the store where I work soon
after the doors opened one morning and said he needed a pair of
diamond earrings. I showed him a wide selection, and quickly he
picked out a pair. When I asked him if he wanted the earrings
On the Lighter Side...
Taxes
At an open conference in Vermont, the state tax commissioner asked
the audience which sort of taxation they thought was the most fair
and equitable. There was a pause, and then a white-haired man in the
back raised his hand. "The poll tax," he said. "But the poll t
On the Lighter Side...
Putting On Appearances
During a recent meeting of our Optimist Club, we challenged one
another to come up with an inspirational sentence using the word
countenance. This was the winning entry: "I put a cheerful
countenance on people every day." It was submitted by our lo
On the Lighter Side...
Letter to The Bank
Dear Sirs, One of my checks was returned marked "insufficient funds."
In view of current developments in the banking industry, does that
refer to me or to you? Sincerely, Your customer
"Green" Vehicles
While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up
On the Lighter Side...
Cacophonous
The symphony musicians had little confidence in
the person brought in to be their new conductor.
Their worst fears were validated at the very
first rehearsal. The cymbalist, realizing that
the conductor did not know what he was doing,
angrily clashed his in
On the Lighter Side...
Bank Name
Mother decided that 10-year-old Cathy should get something
"practical" for her birthday. "Suppose we open a savings account for
you?" Mother suggested. Cathy was delighted. "It's your account,
darling," Mother said as they arrived at the bank, "so you fill out
On the Lighter Side...
Mom's View
I was sitting behind an enthusiastic mom at my son's Little League
game. Her boy was pitching for the opposing team and she cheered as
he threw wild pitch after wild pitch. The poor kid walked every
batter. It was only the first inning and the score was 14-0.
On the Lighter Side...
CD Sleeves
My daughter Lili was five when she received a foam CD holder with
plastic sleeves or all her music CDs. I explained to her that CDs are
sensitive to light and heat, so she should not leave the holder in
the sun. During our home addition, the electrician was wo
On the Lighter Side...
Passing the Test
Two paramedics were dispatched to check on a 92-year-old man who had
become disoriented. They decided to take him to the hospital for
evaluation. En route, with the siren blaring, they questioned the man
to determine his level of awareness. Leaning close
On the Lighter Side...
Makes A Difference
While attending college, I worked evenings at a retail store. On slow
nights my co-worker Susan would often sing along with the radio while
we did paperwork or restocked merchandise. One evening as the manager
was leaving I expressed my concern to him
On the Lighter Side...
Friendly Argument
During a friendly argument, my husband asked me why I married him in
the first place. "I was just stupid," I teased. When he said he was
happy to hear that, I requested an explanation. "People get divorced
all the time because they fall out of love," he
On the Lighter Side...
Therapy
My therapist told me that the way to achieve true inner peace is to
finish what I start. So far today, I have finished two bags of chips
and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.
The Fall
When the Methodist minister falls down the stairs, he picks himself
up
On the Lighter Side...
Customer Support
Last week my wife and I purchased a new computer. We ran into some
difficulties while setting it up so we decided to call the customer
support phone number we found in the manual. I picked up the phone
and called the number. A man answered the phone and
On the Lighter Side...
Show & Tell
A kindergarten teacher gave her class a "show and tell" assignment.
Each student was instructed to bring in an object to share with the
class that represented their religion. The first student got up in
front of the class and said, "My name is Benjamin and I
On the Lighter Side...
Hungry?
An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman goes to the
first house in his new territory. He knocks and a lady opens the
door. Before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and
dumps garden soil all over the carpet. He says, "Lady, if this vacu
On the Lighter Side...
Last Request
Attending church in Kentucky, we watched an especially verbal and
boisterous child being hurried out, slung under his irate father's
arm. No one in the congregation so much as raised an eyebrow -- until
the child captured everyone's attention by crying out i
On the Lighter Side...
Medical Advice
A pediatrician in town always plays a game with some of his young
patients to put them at ease and test their knowledge of body parts.
One day, while pointing to a little boy's ear, the doctor asked him,
"Is this your nose?" Immediately the little boy turn
On the Lighter Side...
The Valentine Sprit
"Do you love me with all your heart and soul?" asked Becky on Valentines Day.
"Mmm hmm." replied Dave.
"Do you think I'm the most beautiful girl in the world?"
"Mmm hmm."
"Do you think my lips are like rose petals?"
"Mmm hmm."
"Oh Dave," gushed Becky, "y
On the Lighter Side...
Please and Thank You
While on maternity leave, a woman from our office brought in her new
bundle of joy. She also had her seven-year-old son with her. Everyone
gathered around the baby, and the little boy asked, "Mommy, can I
have some money to buy a soda?" "What do you
On the Lighter Side...
Swedish Extraction
My 5-year-old daughter was helping set the table one Sunday near
Christmas. She stopped for a moment and announced, "Jesus was a
Swede." More than a little surprised, I corrected her, "Oh, no, dear,
Jesus was born Jewish. I'll read it to you from the B
On the Lighter Side...
Car Alarms
I was with a friend in a cafe when a noisy car alarm interrupted our
conversation. "What good are car alarms when no one pays any
attention to them?" I wondered aloud. "Some are quite effective," my
friend corrected me. "Last summer, my teenager spent a lot of
On the Lighter Side...
How Come?
Little Johnny asked one of his sister's suitors, "How come you show
up every night to see my sister when you have one of your own?"
Memory
Two men were talking. The first says, "My wife has the worst memory I
ever heard of." The second man replies, "Forgets ev
On the Lighter Side...
To Tell the Truth
A couple was celebrating their 60th anniversary. The couple married
as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood
after they retired. Holding hands they walked back to their old
school. It was not locked, so they entered, and fou
On the Lighter Side...
Welcome To The Neighborhood
The family had spent the day moving from their farmhouse into a new
apartment house in town. Very early the next morning, the 5 1/2
-year-old ran into their bedroom to wake them up. Mom dressed him and
told him to play and let them rest for a
On the Lighter Side...
SELF PROMOTION
My cousin applied for a job as an insurance salesman. Where the form
requested "prior experience," he jotted down "Lifeguard." Nothing
else. "We're looking for someone who can not only sell insurance,
but, who can sell himself," said the hiring manager for
On the Lighter Side...
WHICH ONE?
Our family was attending a wedding, and I sat next to my mom, who had
my youngest sister on her lap. The groom was standing at the front as
the bridesmaids walked up the aisle one by one. Growing restless, my
sister looked up at my mom and said, "So why doesn'
On the Lighter Side...
ROUGHHOUSING
A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the
boys?" Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're
too rough." The little girl thought about it for a few moments and
asked, "If I find a smooth one, can I play with him?"
On the Lighter Side...
MISTAKEN IDENTITY
A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr.
Sugarbrown's daughter." Her mother told her this was wrong, she must
say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown." The pastor spoke to her in Sunday School,
and said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?
On the Lighter Side...
THE TICKET
"What am I supposed to do with this?" grumbled a motorist as the
policeman handed him a speeding ticket. "Keep it," the cop said.
"When you collect four of them, you get a bicycle."
HISTORIC CHURCH
While touring historic buildings in Alexandria, Virginia, we
On the Lighter Side...
CARE AND FEEDING
Unexpected cold snaps had destroyed the buds on my father's young
peach tree for two years in a row. This spring, Dad was ready. He
replanted the sapling in a large box, mounted it on wheels, and put
the tree in the garage whenever the temperature droppe
On the Lighter Side...
BUILDING FUND
The pastor stood up one Sunday and announced to his congregation, "I
have good news and bad news. The good news is that we have enough
money to pay for our new building program! The bad news is that it's
still out there in your pockets."
PREACHER PARKING
On the Lighter Side...
RIPE OLD AGE
Grandma decided to move to Israel. As part of the preparations, she
went to see her doctor and get all her charts. The doctor asked her
how she was doing, so she gave him a litany of complaints -- this
hurts, that's stiff, I'm tired and slower, etc. He respo
On the Lighter Side...
IT'S THE THOUGHT...
On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their
teacher. The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers.
The candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of
candy. Then the liquor-store owner's son brought up
On the Lighter Side...
BORROWING & LENDING
My next-door neighbor and I frequently borrow things from each other.
Not long ago, when I requested his ladder, he told me he had lent it
to his son. Recalling a saying my grandmother used to repeat, I
recited, "You should never lend anything to your
On the Lighter Side...
NOT MUCH
After the visiting preacher finished, a woman came up and said, "You
were much better than the preacher we had last Sunday. He spoke for
an hour and said nothing." "Thank you," the visiting preacher
replied. "Yes," she continued. "You did it in fifteen minutes."
On the Lighter Side...
JUST LIKE MAMA'S
When the power failed at the elementary school, the cook couldn't
serve a hot meal in the cafeteria, so at the last minute she whipped
up great stacks of peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwiches. As one little
boy filled his plate, he said, "It's about time. A
On the Lighter Side...
THE SURPRISE
Elizabeth was surprised to receive ten dollars from her Aunt for her
birthday. The Aunt asked how she was going to spend it. "I'm taking
it to Sunday School and giving it to God." the little girl replied.
"He'll be just as surprised as I was at not getting a
On the Lighter Side...
WHICH TOE?
When my wife quit work to take care of our new baby daughter,
countless hours of peekaboo and other games slowly took their toll.
One evening she smacked her bare toes on the corner of a dresser and,
grabbing her foot, sank to the floor. I rushed to her side a
On the Lighter Side...
THE DATE
An 85-year-old widow went on a blind date with a 90-year-old man.
When she returned to her daughter's house later that night, she
seemed upset. "What happened, Mother?" the daughter asked. "I had to
slap his face three times!" "You mean he got fresh?" "No," she
On the Lighter Side...
WORDS OF WISDOM
When you're over 50 you can still do all the
things you did when you were 17 - if you don't
mind making an idiot of yourself.
INSTANT PROOF
Yesterday I went to the optician's, walked up to
the counter and said to the guy on duty, "I think
my eyes are g
On the Lighter Side...
TIMELESS
I frequently receive calls from pollsters asking me to participate in
telephone surveys. One woman began with a barrage of questions. "Wait
a moment," I said. "Who are you and whom do you represent?" She told
me and immediately continued asking questions. "What'
On the Lighter Side...
NOAH
Noah opens up the ark and lets all the animals out, telling them to
"Go forth and multiply!" He's closing the great doors of the ark when
he notices that there are two snakes sitting in a dark corner. So he
says to them, "Didn't you hear me? You can go now. Go forth
On the Lighter Side...
HAVE YOU HEARD?
One day an employee came in to work with both of his ears bandaged.
When his boss asked him what happened, he explained: "Yesterday I was
ironing a shirt when the phone rang and I accidentally answered the
iron instead of the phone!" "Well," the boss said
On the Lighter Side...
THE BOSS
My boss was complaining in a staff meeting the other day that he
wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went out and got a
small sign that read, "I'm the Boss." He then taped it to his office
door. Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found
On the Lighter Side...
LOT 'S WIFE
The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot 's wife looked back
and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted, "My
Mummy looked back once, while she was driving," he announced
triumphantly, "and she turned into a telephone pole!"
PUN T
On the Lighter Side...
YOU'RE A MOM IF
You stand up to take pictures at your son's school play even after
they've asked people not to.
You insist your child wear a sweater when YOU'RE cold.
You tell your daughter how much prettier she looks with her hair out
of her eyes.
You hear yourself s
On the Lighter Side...
A CHILD'S PRAYER
As my five-year-old-son and I were headed to McDonald's one day, we
passed a car accident. Usually when we see something terrible like
that, we say a prayer for those who might be hurt, so I pointed and
said to my son, "We should pray." From the back sea
On the Lighter Side...
BY COMPARISON
A man's most memorable experience was the famous Johnstown flood. He
never
stopped talking about it. When he died and went to heaven, he asked if he
could also tell everyone there about his experiences. Peter told him that
it could be arranged. "But you must re
On the Lighter Side...
WHAT A FRIEND
A pastor was having an awful time with his
congregation and eventually decided to pack it in. At the close of the next
Sunday morning service he announced, "Some years ago Jesus brought me to
this congregation. Jesus is now taking me away from it." Wit
On the Lighter Side...
SHORTHAND
The whole neighborhood shook from the ear splitting
explosion in a nearby Pharmacy. As 911 was called, shopkeepers ran outside
to see what happened, people spotted the pharmacist staggering out of his
smoldering building. His white uniform was now scorched
On the Lighter Side...
SEARCH ENGINE LIMITATIONS
My friend Nancy and I decided to introduce her
elderly mother to the magic of the Internet. Our first move was to access
the popular Ask Jeeves website, and we told her it could answer any question
she had. Nancy's mother was very skeptical
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