Which makes me feel a whole lot better about the last 5 years of my life. Thank you nicely, Udhay.
Regards Rajeev > On Sep 21, 2016, at 20:42, Udhay Shankar N <ud...@pobox.com> wrote: > > On Sun, Sep 18, 2016 at 11:28 PM, Sandhya aka Sandy < > sandhya.varn...@gmail.com> wrote: > > To Dave and other's points on wondering what to do with time - I don't >> think I'll have that challenge at all. I have a number of things that I >> want to do. Or want to do more of. Like not ending a sentence with a >> preposition. Shame on me. :) >> > > Something just floated past on the clickstream that seemed appropriate in > this context: > > http://www.npr.org/2016/03/17/469822644/8-ways-you-can-survive-and-thrive-in-midlife > > 8 Ways You Can Survive — And Thrive In — Midlife 7:52 > > One secret to midlife happiness is being a rookie at something. Trying new > things and failing keeps you robust. > > After two years of research and more than 400 interviews about midlife, > former NPR reporter Barb Bradley Hagerty received dozens of insights about > how to live well in the middle years. We've distilled them here, with a > little context. And, by the way, these ideas work well for people on both > sides of the midlife divide. > > 1. Aim for long-term meaning rather than short-term happiness, and you will > likely find both. Aristotle suggested as much when he talked about > eudaemonia, or the good life: striving with a purpose — raising terrific > children, training for a marathon — rather than setting your sights on > immediate pleasures, such as enjoying a good meal or a day at the beach. > It's also the best thing you can do for your mind and your health. > > 2. Choose what matters most. Clayton Christensen at Harvard Business School > describes the eroding effect of short-term decisions — specifically, doing > the activity that brings you immediate gratification (such as work) and > putting off harder but ultimately more fulfilling activities (such as > investing in your marriage and children). I talked with many people who > privileged work over family because work brought immediate rewards. These > people closed the sale, they shipped the product, they pulled an > all-nighter to get the story on the radio, they were promoted and praised > for a job well done. "And as a consequence," Christensen says, "people like > you and me who plan to have a happy life — because our families truly are > the deepest source of happiness — find that although that's what we want, > the way we invest our time and energy and talents causes us to implement a > strategy that we wouldn't at all plan to pursue." > > 3. Lean into fear, not boredom. Most of us become competent at our work by > our 40s, and then we have a choice: Play it safe or take a risk. Howard > Stevenson, also a professor (emeritus) at Harvard Business School, believes > the greatest source of unhappiness in work is risk aversion — which leads > to stagnation and resentment. "There's a difference between 20 years of > experience, and one year of experience 20 times," he says. Stevenson and > the other career experts I interviewed do not recommend chucking it all to > blindly follow a fantasy. Rather, be intentional as you try to shape your > work to reflect your skills, personality and talents. But we have only one > spin at the wheel, so make it count. A great line from Stevenson: "Ask > yourself regularly: How will I use these glorious days left to me for the > best purpose?" > > 4. "At every stage of life, you should be a rookie at something." This > insight comes from Chris Dionigi, a Ph.D. in "weed science" and the deputy > director of the National Invasive Species Council (that kind of weed). He > believes trying new things and failing keeps you robust. He took comedy > improv classes and now spends many nights and weekends riding his bicycle > as an auxiliary police officer for Arlington County, Va. Always have > something new and challenging in your life, he says, "and if that something > is of service to people and things you care about, you can lead an > extraordinary life." > > 5. Add punctuation to your life. Young adulthood offers plenty of > milestones: graduating from college, starting a career, getting married, > having your first child. But Catharine Utzschneider, a professor at the > Boston College Sports Leadership Center who trains elite middle-aged > athletes, says midlife is like "a book without any structure, without > sentences, periods, commas, paragraphs, chapters, with no punctuation. > Goals force us to think deliberately." She was so right, as I found when > Mike Adsit, a four-time cancer survivor and competitive cyclist, challenged > me to compete in the Senior Games (for people 50 and older) in 2015. > Suddenly I had little goals every day — a faster training session, or a > 50-mile ride — and the prospect of these little victories launched me out > of bed each morning. Even if you don't win — I came in seventh in the race > — you win. > > 6. A few setbacks are just what the doctor ordered. Bad events seem to > cluster in midlife — losing a spouse, a marriage, a parent, your job, your > perfect health. But people with charmed lives — zero traumas — were > unhappier and more easily distressed than people who had suffered a few > negative events in their lifetime. According to resilience research, some > setbacks give you perspective and help you bounce back. And here's what I > learned from Karen Reivich at the University of Pennsylvania, who trains > Army personnel about resilience. After I fell off my bike and broke my > collarbone — threatening my book deadline — I called her up. She gave me > two tricks: First, "OPM": Other people matter. People who let other people > help them tend to recover better than those who are fiercely independent. > Second, rely on your top character strengths to get you through. (You can > take the character strengths test as well as other questionnaires on the > University of Pennsylvania's website.) As embarrassing as my strengths are > — industry and gratitude — they helped me cope until I could drive, type, > dry my hair or unscrew the mayo jar. > > 7. Pay attention: Two of the biggest threats to a seasoned marriage are > boredom and mutual neglect. The brain loves novelty, and love researchers > say a sure way to revive a marriage on autopilot, at least temporarily, is > to mix things up a bit. Go hiking, take a trip to an undiscovered land — or > drive an RV down the Blue Ridge Parkway, which my husband and I did in June > 2013. Honestly, I thought nothing could be more pointless or boring, but > based on the novelty research, we piled in with our dog, Sandra Day, and > two friends. Something went wrong almost every day — we got caught in a > flood, the brakes nearly went out, we could not figure out how to dump the > blackwater (don't ask) for some time. We had the time of our lives. It took > us out of our comfort zone, it gave us a grand adventure; it was, in short, > The Best Vacation Ever. > > 8. Happiness is love. Full stop. This observed wisdom comes from George > Vaillant, a psychiatrist and researcher who directed Harvard's Study of > Adult Development for several decades. The study — still ongoing — followed > men from the Harvard classes of 1939-44 to see what makes people flourish > over a lifetime. Vaillant found that the secret to a successful and happy > life is not biology. It is not genes. It is not social privilege or > education. It is not IQ or even family upbringing. The secret to thriving > is warm relationships. Oh, then there's this happy coda: Second chances > present themselves all the time, if you'll only keep your eyes open. > > Barbara Bradley Hagerty is the author of Life Reimagined, and a former NPR > reporter. > > > > > -- > > ((Udhay Shankar N)) ((udhay @ pobox.com)) ((www.digeratus.com))
