To operate a motor vehicle in Indonesia, you must understand the
transportation gestalt in an entirely different way. Definitions that you
thought were above redefinition will immediately be redefined. Please pay
attention.
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1. The
Road:
Includes not only the
paved portion of the highway, but also what others might call the verge, the
curb, the sidewalk, the front yard and the roadside restaurant. The paved
portion of the roadway is generally one lane wide. Not one lane in each
direction,
but one lane.
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2. Respect:
All
animals are granted the greatest respect in Indonesia. It is presumed that,
being highly evolved creatures, chickens and dogs and the like know how to
sidestep a Mitsubishi going 78 mph on a fog shrouded road during a national
religious holiday.
This same position of
honor is granted to small children, men with 30 pounds of hay on their heads,
unattended oxcarts and elderly women in mystic trances. Slowing or swerving to
avoid these beings would cause them dishonor.
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3. Lanes:
These colorful white
and yellow markings wish a hearty Selamat Datang (welcome) to every traveler.
They have no other function.
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4. Passing:
The national sport of
Indonesia. Observant motorists may encounter the vertical triple (passing three
vehicles in one acceleratory movement), the horizontal triple (passing a
vehicle that itself is in the process of passing a vehicle), or even the rare
double-double (passing a vehicle at precisely the same time that another
vehicle, coming in the other direction is also engaged in the act of passing).
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5. Tailgating:
What to do when not
passing.
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6. Being
Passed:
An insult not to be
endured. The greater the differential between your vehicle (say, a Boeing 747),
the great the potential loss of prestige. The owner of the less powerful
vehicle must always do everything in his/her power to thwart the attempt to
overtake.
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7. Seat
Belts:
Absolutely
unnecessary. Not only are they not worn, they are not even provided. Passengers
are fully protected by the horn.
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8. Lights:
Rapidly blinking the
headlights can mean many things, including "OK to pass now,"
"dangerous to pass now," "get out the way," or "may
you find the thread of gold in the linen of existence. "It takes years,
sometimes entire lifetimes, to learn this subtle and intriguing intuitive
nonverbal communication skill. Generally, however, you have about three
seconds.
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9. The
Horn:
When sounded loudly
and frequently, the horn sets up an invisible energy barrier protecting the
vehicle and its inhabitants from all harm. The faster the vehicle is going, the
better the horn works. This is the central concept of Indonesian motoring.
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10. Accidents:
Rare.
Usually the result of a malfunctioning horn.
