It has some merit..but the people involved have to realize that these people did not start to exist the day that they go together. That there were others in their past and in a lot of cases will always be there. The mother of the child is not going to disappear and it is better if they can all work together for the betterment of the family as a whole. The child will play the parents against each other, and the dad against the new wife if they can..and that has to be addressed as well.
but if the union is strong and the people involved realize the pitfalls and work to maintain the relationship, it will survive. Too many times people go into a new relationship with demands based on an old one...and not realistically dealing with the new person as that...a new person...not without all that crap that the last person threw at them. Laurie --- Jen -- <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > I think its bogus. :-0) > ----- Original Message ----- > From: Greg Hopper > To: The Sandbox Discussion List > Sent: Monday, October 06, 2003 3:22 PM > Subject: Re: [Sndbox] 2nd Wives > > > Not encourageing..... > ----- Original Message ----- > From: Jen -- > To: The Sandbox Discussion List > Sent: Monday, October 06, 2003 3:01 PM > Subject: [Sndbox] 2nd Wives > > > October 5, 2003 -- Second wives, depicted as > homewreckers and evil stepmothers in fairy tales and > made-for-TV movies, are often doomed as soon as they > tie the knot, new research suggests. > "They marry a man with the illusion that his > former family won't infringe on their perfect life > together," said Susan Shapiro Barash, author of > "Second Wives: the Rewards and Pitfalls of Marrying > Widowers and Divorced Men." > > "In reality, the day-to-day demands of his > ex-wife and children can be overwhelming," said > Barash, a gender studies professor at Marymount > Manhattan College. > > With more than 50 percent of first marriages > ending in divorce, and 75 percent of divorced people > remarrying, more women are becoming second wives. > > But second marriages are breaking up as often as > first marriages. According to the U.S. Census, 52 to > 62 percent of first marriages end in divorce, while > 60 percent of second marriages fail. > > And second marriages typically last about half > as long as first marriages, only six to seven years, > Barash found. > > The do-over "I dos" collapse under the stress of > raising stepkids and splitting a husband's income > with his former household, said Barash. > > > > "If the second wife really can't abide the > financial obligations plus the emotional attention > he gives his children, those marriages dissolve very > quickly," Barash said. > > Widowers make "better husband material," she > said, because their former marriages ended in death > instead of divorce. > > On the other hand, when the first wife is > "immortalized" - like Paul McCartney's first wife, > Linda, who died of cancer - it gets thorny. Barash > calls it the "Rebecca" syndrome, after the Daphne du > Maurier novel and movie about a troubled widower's > romance. > > The Beatle's second marriage, to Heather Mills, > last year caused family unrest. Relations were > bitter between Mills, a former model, and > McCartney's daughter, Stella, only four years > younger than Mills. > > Now McCartney and Mills are expecting a baby > next month - an event that could strain or > strengthen the new family, Barash predicts. > > "Even though it causes great distress, a baby > can be the great equalizer," Barash said. "It > sometimes brings the family together." > > A Manhattan second wife in her late 30s had > mixed results. She described the "total hell" of > helping her husband raise two teenage daughters. > > "They hated me because it meant that their > father would never marry their mother again. It also > meant they didn't have daddy to themselves any > more," said the woman, who did not want to be > identified. > > When the new baby arrived two years ago, one > stepdaughter grew attached to the child and felt > closer to the family, she said. > > The other stepdaughter recoiled, she said. "She > was horribly jealous and hasn't gotten over it yet. > She doesn't like to visit us anymore," she said. > > But becoming a second wife can represent a > long-single woman's best hope of getting hitched, > according to another recent book, "How to Married a > Divorced Man." > > Author Leslie Fram, a born-and-raised New > Yorker, was so busy with career and fun she didn't > think about marriage and kids until she turned 35. > > By then, she said, most of the available men > were divorced with kids. > > So she married one. > > "They're not necessarily damaged goods - they're > recycled goods," she said. > > Fram said second wives can find happiness - if > they're realistic: "You're never going to get 100 > percent of his time, his emotional availability, or > his money." > > > > > > > > > ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > > ________________________________ > > Changes to your subscription (unsubs, nomail, > digest) can be made by going to > http://sandboxmail.net/mailman/listinfo/sndbox_sandboxmail.net > > > ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ > > > ________________________________ > > Changes to your subscription (unsubs, nomail, > digest) can be made by going to http://sandboxmail.net/mailman/listinfo/sndbox_sandboxmail.net> ________________________________ > > Changes to your subscription (unsubs, nomail, > digest) can be made by going to > http://sandboxmail.net/mailman/listinfo/sndbox_sandboxmail.net ===== I wanted a perfect ending... Now, I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment, and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity. --Gilda Radner __________________________________ Do you Yahoo!? The New Yahoo! Shopping - with improved product search http://shopping.yahoo.com ________________________________ Changes to your subscription (unsubs, nomail, digest) can be made by going to http://sandboxmail.net/mailman/listinfo/sndbox_sandboxmail.net
