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![DIVORCE, COLLINS-STYLE Joan's latest juicy novel explores infidelity among Hollywood couples]()
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DIVORCE, COLLINS-STYLE Joan's latest juicy novel
explores infidelity among Hollywood couples
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Jackie
Collins has sold more than 400 million books, and even better, they have
names like ''Thrill!,'' ''Lethal Seduction,'' and ''The Bitch.'' On shelves
now is her latest tale of the rich and famous, ''Hollywood Divorces,'' where
''fidelity means not sleeping with anyone less attractive than your spouse.''
That's some dictionary, Jackie! Now let's see if stupid still means stupid in
Collins-ese.
The characters in ''Divorces'' have names like Jump
Jagger, Linc Blackwood, and Suki -- could you ever create someone named, say,
Bob, the pudgy actuary?
Books I read growing up had ordinary names and I never knew who was screwing
whom. I decided that in my books I'd have names that stood out. So now you
know Jump's in Australia with this girl climbing all over him.
Let's play ''Hollywood Divorce'' math. Take one
separation from a cheating rock & roller, add the post-orgy overdose of a
philandering action hero, subtract one murder of a bad-boy director, and
multiply it by the bleed-out of a gigantically membered tennis star...how
many Hollywood Divorces do you really have?
There are actually [pause]...two divorces. But that's a nice description, I
wish I'd had it on the flyleaf of the book. Especially the overendowed tennis
pro. I'm one of the few writers who does comment on the size of a male
member. If you don't know whether he has a small or big d---, how can you
really find out what he's all about?
I have artfully windswept hair, a super-watt smile,
and I get bitchier by the moment -- can I be a Jackie Collins heroine?
You also need that strength, that way of knocking guys back without making
them feel they've been knocked back. So just ply them with booze.
Good. I'm short on charm but I've got lots of
liquor.
Men have been doing it for years to women.
When you and your sister, Joan Collins, argue, do
you do it near a mud hole or a champagne fountain so you get all down and
''Dynasty''-dirty?
We don't argue near anything actually because she lives in London and I live
in America, and I don't drink champagne. I hate the taste, isn't that
disappointing?
Growing up in England, did you ask Mum for bedtime
stories like ''Veronica the Willful Whore'' or ''Jasmine the Vindictive Yet
Sensual Mob Princess''?
No, she read me ''The Naughtiest Girl in the School,'' and then I started
reading what my father kept beside the bed in a brown-paper wrapper -- ''Lady
Chatterley's Lover.'' So between [them] I developed a career.
What was ''The Naughtiest Girl in the School''?
Me. I was thrown out at 15 for waving at the resident flasher and saying
''Cold day today, isn't it?''
One reviewer said of your writing, ''Collins wires
the plot together with all the subtlety of a Wonderbra.'' So...can your books
make me a D-cup?
They can take you up to great heights with a fabulous plunge at the end.
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