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Charles Mims's Personal Humorscope
for Tuesday, December 23, 2003
Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.
Jerry Seinfeld
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Aries (March 21 -
April 19)
Excellent day to whistle off key. Random starts and
stops are also good.
Taurus (April 20
- May 20)
You will discover the secret to becoming a great
artist! You can stick anything you want on the wall, the trick is to make
people think deep thought went into it. For example, spray-paint a bathroom
plunger gold, and stick little angel wings on it. Call it "Life In The
Details."
Gemini (May 21 -
June 20)
Today you will take comfort in the thought that
Jesus loves you, particularly since nobody else likes you very much.
Cancer (June 21
- July 22)
Bad day to feed the Bengal tiger. Let someone else
do it, today. Probably just an "off" batch of the Purina Tiger
Chow, but why risk it?
Leo (July 23 -
August 22)
Beware of turnips.
Virgo (August 23
- September 22)
You will be walking along today when you overhear
someone making a snide remark about you, drawing an unflattering comparison
between your personality, and landfill. A snappy reply will occur to you,
sometime late next week.
Libra (September
22 - October 22)
Beware of strangers bearing Cheez Whiz.
Scorpio (October 23
- November 21)
Remember: it's a pride of lions, a gaggle of geese,
and a murder of crows. More important for you today, though: a group of
budgies is a "bludgeoning."
Sagittarius (November
22 - December 21)
You will have a dream tonight, in which you are
standing on the shore of an inky black river in grey twilight. An old man
wearing a black cloak will appear, poling a rickety old boat up to you. He
will demand payment to ferry you across, but it will turn out he doesn't
accept American Express.
Capricorn
(December 22 - January 20)
Excellent day for standing barefoot on the lawn and
wiggling your toes. Under no
circumstance should you stand barefoot on the lawn and wiggle your nose. It
simply isn't done.
Aquarius
(January 21 - February 18)
This is a good time to get out there and make a
difference! I'm often tempted to do that, but I just can't figure out where
"there" is -- every time I get there, it's here. Maybe if I run
really fast? Oh well, if you figure it out, be sure to make a difference.
Pisces (February
19 - March 20)
Today will be a celebration of life, love, and art.
Also, the start of a nagging fear that you'll find out something terribly
unpleasant while doing your taxes.
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