You are how you eat Q: At what age should children be taught how to eat properly? A: In their mid- to late-20s. Q: What is the best venue for this instruction? A: Graduate school in business administration. However, if they have entered the business world directly, it becomes the responsibility of their employers to teach them. These are not Miss Manners' answers. They are society's. At any rate, this is when and where it is being done. Distinguished business schools have instituted etiquette instruction, on the grounds that their students need it in order to be employable. And businesses that are willing to take on messy eaters are holding sessions to train them in basic etiquette. Washing, dressing and talking are also covered in these sessions, but the emphasis is on eating. As Miss Manners recalls, this is a skill that used to be more or less mastered by the time one entered nursery school. What changed? Has table etiquette become increasingly complicated since the heyday of specialized Victorian flatware, so that only those who can be expected to master it are those whose ability to learn has been honed on science, engineering and the minor Puritan poets? Or is eating no longer a technologically necessary activity for human survival, and therefore the practice has passed out of general use? If society no longer deemed it important to eat in certain conventional ways, there would be no reason to teach it at all. And surely it is curious that this neglected skill is deemed essential to success in doing business. People work in order to be able to eat, but -- aside from the professional taster for people who are wary of being poisoned and the modern equivalent, the food critic -- they are not hired to eat. It's the job interview over lunch, the business schools explain. And business entertaining, employers add. Important transactions and contacts are fueled by food, and it is therefore necessary to be able to get it from plate to mouth with some accuracy. This suggests that, to important people, table manners are important. So important, they don't want to do business with people who don't have any. So important, they may even practice these themselves, although that does not necessarily follow. If such is the case, why are parents not in on this secret? Parents of all income levels used to teach table manners as a matter of course. Then they no longer had time, they said. More important, neither did the children, who had too many other things to learn to prepare them for success. Who knew that it is not team sports and educational television where one learns the skills needed for professional life, but family dinner? Somewhere down the line, parents figured, the children would pick that up. But from whom? Day-care providers barely have time to get across the rudiments, such as not to throw food. Elementary and high school teachers have to stay out of student cafeterias just to be able to digest their own lunches. Colleges are quick to point out that they are not supposed to act as parents. So the answer is: from business school and business. Before those in charge get fed up. DEAR MISS MANNERS -- My husband and I enjoy entertaining. During the year, we host several large gatherings at our home. As we have two small children, we have tailored many of our parties -- including our Super Bowl party -- to families. For the past couple of years, we have noticed that, in response to our invitations, we sometimes get the response, "We'll try to make it" or "Maybe." Our Super Bowl party is certainly not elaborate, but we do offer food for the adults and the children. When several entire families give a "maybe" response, I have no way of knowing how much food to prepare. For this year's Super Bowl party, three families responded with "We'll try to make it" (each a family of four). None of them came. And now we have mountains of leftovers. What is the best way of handling such a situation? GENTLE READER -- First, eat the leftovers. Then chop up your guest list. Miss Manners does not advise having anything spoiled at a party. People who say "I'll try to make it" should be told, "Oh, don't worry about it, we'll try you again next year." Those who simply don't show have been tried and found wanting. |
 | |||||||||
|
Feeling incorrect? E-mail
your etiquette questions to Miss Manners (who is distraught that she
cannot reply personally) at [EMAIL PROTECTED] -- if you promise
to use the black or blue-black ink you'll save by writing those thank you,
condolence and congratulations letters you owe. Copyright 2004 by Judith Martin Distributed by United Feature Syndicate, Inc. | |||||||||
Charles Mims
_______________________________________________ Sndbox mailing list [EMAIL PROTECTED] http://a8.mewebdns-a8.com/mailman/listinfo/sndbox_sandboxmail.net
