Plodding 'House of Dreams' inspires nightmares
How can you appreciate a well-produced reality show? Watch a bad one. There
are plenty to choose from. But for our instructional purposes, the new
series "House of Dreams" (9 p.m., A&E) will do.
A cross between "Survivor" and "This Old House," "Dreams" assembled a group
of 16 players who will build a home over the course of the series. Week by
week the group will be asked to eliminate one player from their midst. The
last one standing gets to keep the house.
Lacking the budget for the soaring helicopter shots and fancy editing of
"Survivor," "Dreams" is visually dull and painfully slow to unfold. The
first hour features about 10 minutes of real drama and compensates with a
lot of padding and banal chatter.
If you think the immunity challenges on "Survivor" are dumb, wait until you
see how they eliminate people here. All 16 contestants are given a key and
have to walk through a door. Two of the keys don't work, and the two unlucky
players who pick the busted keys are up for eviction. Unfortunately, first
we have to watch 16 people mill about waiting to walk through the fateful
portal. Now that's entertainment!
But this door routine is a regular Ibsen play compared to the next 25
minutes, when the desperate duo plead and scheme for survival and then
address the group from a pulpit.
Perhaps the weirdest aspect of "Dreams" is the choice of host. Was "Cheers"
regular George Wendt simply free for a couple of months? He has no other
qualifications to oversee a construction site or baby-sit a summer camp of
eager, backbiting potential homeowners. He seems bored and short of breath
in almost every scene. And he's not somebody you want to see in shorts.
-- At the risk of being called a Communist, "Average Joe: Hawaii" (10 p.m.,
NBC) reminds me of my favorite quote from Karl Marx: "History repeats
itself, first as tragedy, second as farce." Having scored a success with the
first "Average," NBC tempts fate (and the ghost of "The Next Joe
Millionaire") by returning to the well.
This "Joe" stars Larissa Meek, a former Miss Missouri and self-described
artist, who never stops speaking in beauty pageant-ese. She talks about
finding her soul mate and appreciating the vastness of the ocean, etc. But
once she beholds her new bevy of Prince Charmings, she breaks into a tirade
of obscenities that might make Eminem blush.
It takes the gentle artist several minutes, and an on-camera consultation
with the unseen producers, to get back into the spirit of the show. She
resolves to be a good girl and pretend she's enjoying herself. In short, she
talks about "acting" with her producer and director. Not since "Joe Schmo"
has a "reality show" seemed more scripted. Now what was it Marx said about
farce?
TONIGHT'S OTHER HIGHLIGHTS
-- The documentary "The Day I Will Never Forget" (6:30 p.m., Cinemax)
examines the practice of female circumcision in Kenya.
-- Adam Sandler stars in the 1995 comedy "Billy Madison" (8 p.m., Fox).
-- Tom Hanks stars in the 2001 drama "Cast Away" (8 p.m., ABC, TV-PG,V).
-- "Antiques Roadshow" (8 p.m., PBS, check local listings) kicks off its
eighth season in Chicago, featuring a new host, Lara Spencer.
-- Debra is a hit at Frank's lodge on "Everybody Loves Raymond" (9 p.m.,
CBS, TV-PG).
-- Prizefight jitters and a stolen prosthesis on "Las Vegas" (9 p.m., NBC,
TV-14).
-- A medical professional's murder may be linked to an earlier operation on
"CSI: Miami" (10 p.m., CBS, TV-14,V).
-- "Miami Animal Police" (10 p.m., Animal Planet) follows a squad that deals
with everything from house pets to alligators.
-- The 18-part slice-of-life series "Airline" (10 p.m., A&E) follows the
employees and customers of an air carrier as they go about their business.
CULT CHOICE
A retired New Yorker (Art Carney) travels across the country with his pet
cat in the 1974 comedy "Harry and Tonto" (8:01 Fox Movie Channel).
SERIES NOTES
The blame game on "Yes, Dear" (8 p.m., CBS, TV-PG,L) ... Joe Rogan hosts
"Fear Factor" (8 p.m., NBC, TV-PG) ... Kim finds you can't go home on "The
Parkers" (8 p.m., UPN, TV-PG,L) ... On back-to-back episodes of "7th Heaven"
(WB, TV-G): Matt's marriage is on the rocks (8 p.m.), a less-than-welcome
wagon (9 p.m.).
Judy's folks arrive on "Still Standing" (8:30 p.m., CBS, TV-PG,D) ... A
not-so-romantic gesture on "Eve" (8:30 p.m. UPN, TV-PG).
Maya works hard for tuition on "Girlfriends" (9 p.m., UPN, TV-14) ... A new
talent gets mixed messages on "Half & Half" (9:30 p.m., UPN, TV-PG,D,L) ...
Domestic affairs on "Two and a Half Men" (9:30 p.m., CBS, TV-PG,D).
LATE NIGHT
Jennifer Aniston and Ryan Adams are booked on "Late Show with David
Letterman" (11:35 p.m., CBS) ... Jay Leno hosts Nicole Kidman, Orlando Bloom
and Alicia Keys on "The Tonight Show" (11:35 p.m., NBC, r).
Tim Robbins, Natasha Henstridge and Kaki King appear on "Late Night with
Conan O'Brien" (12:35 a.m., NBC) ... William H. Macy, Rachel Bilson and Seal
are booked on "The Late, Late Show with Craig Kilborn" (12:37 a.m., CBS).
<http://members.comics.com/mycomics/images/clear_dot.gif>
<http://members.comics.com/mycomics/images/clear_dot.gif> Copyright
2004, United Feature Syndicate, Inc.
United Feature Syndicate
Charles Mims
http://www.the-sandbox.org <http://www.the-sandbox.org/>
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