NOTE FROM CHRIS: Today's list was compiled from submissions sent in by you, our lovely and talented ClubTop5 subscribers.
The Top 20 Martha Stewart Household Tips for Dumb People 20> Quick-dry plaster + friggin' cats that keep crapping on the rug = instant bookends! 19> Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. If you're really running late, bring the waffle iron into the shower with you! 18> Sex isn't nearly as disgusting when you use a hand-knitted penis cozy. 17> To know when to change to the next square of toilet paper, label them with consecutive days of the week. 16> A simple turkey baster can also be used to remove those pesky beans lodged in your ear canal. 15> Don't discard used toothpicks -- simply glue on some belly button lint and you'll never pay for Q-tips again. 14> A wreath of dirty underwear is great for repelling mosquitoes! 13> Freeze some urine in a Mrs. Butterworth's bottle, then break the glass for an ice sculpture that'll have your guests talking! 12> Nail bars of soap to the bottom of your shoes and hose down the kitchen floor and you've just created your own indoor Olympic skatin' rink! 11> In a pinch, frozen water can substitute for ice. 10> BayWatch videos can help get those flabby forearms in shape. 9> Always buy two pairs of the same socks; that way, if you lose a sock, you have two replacements. 8> An activity as simple as counting will help to ensure that your "Top 5" list did not actually exceed five items. 7> Duct taping the baby to a ceiling fan after meals makes for a lively game of "Dodge the Chunks!" 6> Fill up those holes in the bathroom tile grout with Mother Nature's own sealant: snot! 5> Adding sprigs of baby's breath behind the ears of a loved one's corpse is sure to lift everyone's spirits during the funeral. 4> A dead dog makes an excellent door stop -- for a while. 3> While the common method of flushing a dead fish down the toilet can be sad for the kids, putting the aquarium snail down the garbage disposal makes an interesting sound that can be enjoyed by all. 2> In the fall, you can sew leaves back onto your trees to delay the onset of winter. and TopFive.com's Number 1 Martha Stewart Household Tip for Dumb People... 1> With a Hefty 40-gallon trash can liner and cable tie-wrap, you'll have grandma's daily colostomy bags changes down to once a month. [ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2000 by Chris White ] _______________________________________________ Sndbox mailing list [EMAIL PROTECTED] http://a8.mewebdns-a8.com/mailman/listinfo/sndbox_sandboxmail.net