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Charles Mims's Personal Humorscope
for Sunday, January 25, 2004
Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the double lock will keep;
May no brick through the window break,
And, no one rob me till I
awake. |
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
You will win 12,000 cases of peanut brittle today, on a
call-in game show. That's a LOT of peanut brittle, as it turns out.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Someone you don't like will make repeated attempts to talk
to you today. The best way to handle this is to stuff extremely
crunchy food in your mouth during each attempt, and then mumble
"What?" while looking at something slightly over their left shoulder.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Time to make a bold new fashion statement. What's the
reason for matching socks, anyway? Why are people so obsessed with
sartorial symmetry?
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Today you will flip a coin 4 times, and it will come up
"heads", "tails", "heads", "heads." Then someone will come up and say
"hey, whatcha doing?" Then the phone will ring. Just a coincidence,
though, in this case.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
You will send away for the pamphlet titled "The Manly Art
Of Knitting", today, but sadly, it will be out of print. You should
check with a rare books merchant.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You will be tickled without mercy, today. Oddly, you will
not be able to see your assailant.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Flour tortilla day, today. You know what I mean.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Today you will make the bold move from fidgeting to
twiddling. Just please be careful.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Be nice to your coworkers today. Cow orkers have a darned
tough job, so it's good to make them feel special once in a while.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
This is not a good day to start a new romance.
Particularly not a new romance based on a personals classified ad in
the back of Mad magazine.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
You will discover that you can raise one eyebrow by
itself, but not the other. This will aggravate you, and you'll spend
the majority of the day in front of the bathroom mirror, trying to
correct the situation.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Good day to call an old friend, and reminisce. (It turns
out to be much much harder to reminisce with a new friend, although
it's often entertaining to try.)
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