My impression is that this mess arises because bus stops are uni-directional and independent from the opposite direction. So we're used to having them as separate entities to the side of the road.
Whereas tram stops are often in a single location for both directions (or close enough), so we want a single entity on the way, so at low zooms we can have a single symbol and single name label. Just like railway stations. These nodes are just labels. Me: I'd probably use highway=bus_stop for tram stops that are like bus stops, and add highway=platform for stops that have them, and attach whichever off-way entity seems most appropriate to the relation and let the data user figure it out. Richard
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