Beth wrote:
> Is it similar to the "open marriage" idea that some
> screwballs in the 70's tried to convince everyone was the norm?
I don't think anyone ever tried to convince others that open marriage was
a "norm," Beth (and it was the sixties when it originated, btw), but a
number of people DID find the core value both appropriate and positive for
their relationships.
Basically, open marriage takes the position that if two people really
care about each other, they should want their partner to have complete
freedom of choice and every opportunity to enjoy happiness. If that choice
includes intimacy with someone outside the marriage, they feel that it's
perfectly acceptable and the right of their partner to do so. Jealousy
becomes a definite negative, and an impediment to real intimacy in a
relationship according to those who are in open marriages (and I know
quite a number of people who are--my doctoral research was with the
lifestyle community on the Internet, which includes swingers, polys, and
open marriage advocates).
That type of relationship isn't for everyone--but it's hardly in the same
class as the idiotic idea of becoming closer to your partner by taking a
vacation FROM him or her! Open marriage is, at least theoretically, about
sharing (genetically, of course, for the male it's about propagating one's
genes [see: Baker, B. (1996). _Sperm Wars: The science of sex._ New York:
Basic.] and thus is "normal" in any reasonable sense).
Personally, I'm quite content with monogamy (I've been married for 21
years), but I can well understand the arguments of those in the
lifestyle--and in terms of psychological content they make as much sense
(if not more sense) as do those of the more conventional monogamous
viewpoint.
But NOT a vacation from one's spouse!
Rick
--
Rick Adams
[EMAIL PROTECTED]
"... and the only measure of your worth and your deeds will be the love
you leave behind when you're gone. --Fred Small, Everything Possible "
