Here's another approach to the tmda-pending issue: I no longer use it.
Or, I do, but only from cron to purge my pending queue -- I don't use
it to browse or display pending's contents looking for stuck
legitimate messages.

I did this for some time until I optimized my configuration to the
point where all mailing lists, contacts, commercial mailings,
etc. were accounted for.  Now, the only legitimate messages that might
get stuck there are from senders who can't or choose not to confirm
their messages.  I found this to be so rare, that I felt comfortable
ignoring my pending queue.

My personal philosophy about those few and far between who don't
confirm their messages: so what?  If the issue if important enough,
they will find a way to contact me.  What happens when someone leaves
you a voicemail, which then gets garbled before you are able to hear
it.  Do they never contact you again?  Of course not, they try again,
or use another means of contact.  I see no distinction with e-mail,
and I'm thoroughly enjoying spending no time at all looking at spam.

Of course, this approach might not be for everyone, but it works for
me.
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