Update for you all. I forced systemd down to the 16.04 version,
reconfigured it and it was happy. As for upgrading it to the 18.04
version, YOU MUST PURGE THE ENTIRE /usr/lib/tempfiles.d/ DIRECTORY. One
I did that, even thought the install will fail, I was able to get
systemd reconfigured. It now properly responds to dpkg --configure
commands and the system is no longer in a broken state.

As for how to resolve this upstream, I have a felling this has to do
with how WSL handles systemd (as, it doesn't, because WSL ignores
systemd for the most part.) most likely related to the fact that we're
not working with kernels, and systemd doesn't have anything to hook into
during the upgrade.

If you're having trouble with a system you forced to the 18.04 beta let
me know as I'm going to write a script here in a second to resolve the
issue for you.

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https://bugs.launchpad.net/bugs/1748659

Title:
  Windows 10 Ubuntu 16.04 upgrade to 18.04: package systemd 235-3ubuntu3
  failed to install/upgrade: installed systemd package post-installation
  script subprocess returned error exit status 1

Status in systemd package in Ubuntu:
  Confirmed

Bug description:
  This was fresh Ubuntu 16.04 instance on Windows 10, running inside a
  Virtual Box on an iMac. I did an apt-get dist-upgrade before
  attempting to upgrade to 18.04.

  ProblemType: Package
  DistroRelease: Ubuntu 16.04
  Package: systemd 235-3ubuntu3
  ProcVersionSignature: Microsoft 4.4.0-43-Microsoft 4.4.35
  Uname: Linux 4.4.0-43-Microsoft x86_64
  ApportVersion: 2.20.1-0ubuntu2.15
  Architecture: amd64
  CurrentDmesg: Error: command ['dmesg'] failed with exit code 1: dmesg: read 
kernel buffer failed: Function not implemented
  Date: Sat Feb 10 18:59:28 2018
  Dmesg:
   
  ErrorMessage: installed systemd package post-installation script subprocess 
returned error exit status 1
  Lsusb: Error: command ['lsusb'] failed with exit code 1:
  ProcInterrupts:
   
  ProcKernelCmdLine: BOOT_IMAGE=/kernel init=/init ro
  ProcModules: Error: command ['sort', '/proc/modules'] failed with exit code 
2: sort: cannot read: /proc/modules: No such file or directory
  RelatedPackageVersions:
   dpkg 1.19.0.5ubuntu1
   apt  1.2.24
  SourcePackage: systemd
  SystemdDelta:
   [EXTENDED]   /lib/systemd/system/rc-local.service → 
/lib/systemd/system/rc-local.service.d/debian.conf
   [EXTENDED]   /lib/systemd/system/user@.service → 
/lib/systemd/system/user@.service.d/timeout.conf
   
   2 overridden configuration files found.
  Title: package systemd 235-3ubuntu3 failed to install/upgrade: installed 
systemd package post-installation script subprocess returned error exit status 1
  UpgradeStatus: Upgraded to xenial on 2018-02-10 (0 days ago)

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