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I know, I know, in my heart I know that all case phenomenon that ails me can be, at least theoretically, handled by Moi, seulement (myself solely, as the french would say, "chez moi").
Unfortunately I am tainted with Scientology Games track and drawn by my wanting to as quickly as possible ease the mental discomfort of this In/Out dramatization. Thus, enter in the customized out/int Scn. process. How is that working for me? Very smoothly, and I use the things I learned from Dennis' TROM Games Manual. Specifically, keeping my eyes open for quicker and smoother processing, doing RI before and after session, and looking more and more at the importances from the more fundamental viewpoints presented in the TROM Manual. I even see the junior package of Looking being more real to me than "To Know...". Do I like having to rely on an auditor? I don't see this as a permanent condition and it does have it's own "problems" to the degree that one allows oneself to be at the effect of the auditor or the session, or the process. I am fairly certain that towards the completion of Level 3 and at the start of Level 4 I will step into a new level of spiritual maturity and developed character and continue doing so until I complete Level 5. All this said with the caveat to live more and more an unplanned life, if that is my choice. Right now it is more gain than pain to employ the auditor (the "Not Self"). That said, this simple Scn. process moves out mental mass, and the separation from static (as I word this event), and it's repetitive spiralling and sub-dramas -- which holds a "must not Know" (I dub it "look") -- is yielding and I was even today able to get into the viewpoint of this primal "Birther", and view both sides. All subjective realities. This happened outside of a formal session, and I timebroke it thusly. I took GREAT PRIDE in knowing that I could do that, and that I just needed initial help to open the door, or "punch it in" as Dennis would say. I also see more and more that I do not need to get into a must-ness about to have or to not have an auditor, to have or to not have "Not Selves". Soon my auditor and I will happily conclude that I can handle it myself from here on out. If it felt like Dennis (and some of his adherents) was at times imposing a Must-ness on me, well, perhaps that was just how I mocked him up -- mostly as a reflection of my own internal goings on. BTW, my R3x PC loved the guided RI and I loved being there sharing the experience with him. He also (intuitively, of his own volition) run the R1-12 (from Creation of Human Ability) "remedy of havingess" process and he had no problem coming right back down to earth operating viewpoint. It is hard to ask a "track-y" Scientologist to lay down his tools, even if he does "know" in his heart, but this too shall pass.... !!! HAPPY NEW YEAR !!!
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