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Hello El-J,
Thank you for your comprehensive and easy to read post. I have often felt sadness and loss while the ego is dissolving, but it happened so often that I now know it as a good thing. During a Grade 2 session sometimes I can see an identity that I formed in childhood and how it is still with me. I let go of it, because it no longer seems to serve any purpose and is just a hanger-on and I can see how it limits me. When I self-enquired, "Do I really exist?" there was a phase of sadness and tears of loss. This occurs when I feel an identity or a game compulsion leaving. RI helps me get past the mental stops regarding mocking-up or creating which in turn can help reduce the reliance on compulsive automaticities. When as a kid I spent my summers alone in the mountains, after a few weeks I would start to see "white gorillas" out of the corner of my eye -- mocking up game pieces, eh? I seem to occasionally have an abhorrence at seeing myself as "nothing", but I cannot deny it, however the urge is to quickly Be-do-have something compulsively. Doing RI is a better choice. How important am I really? This identity becomes less on a gradient that is not too uncomfortable for me. My identity and body feel lighter by degrees. There is an urge to play the better games I can now conceive. However, I choose not to expand my involvement in games, but I do realize I now have more options in my current interactions with others. There is more attention on peacefully ending off or reducing former involvements with others. In the Church one typically went in as an ego and came out an even bigger ego head. Especially staff in the Church. Self-enquiry can cure that. Grade 2 is curing that for me. I don't know fully about TROM because I'm still working through the remedial level. I used to think my ego was such a lovely thing and that's probably why I initially had such a hard time with doing TROM. Ego drives are more in a "normal" range now and TROM is now more fun and easier to do. Reading posts here from other beings who have reduced their egos is encouraging and sets a good example for me. colleen
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