My internet is not working and i have borrowed a friend's computer, so this will be brief.
No, 'summer' is needed to provide the progression through Autumn to Winter. without it the scansion would be altered. Also the sound of rain on leaves is different from rain on bare branches.
Thank you for appreciating the poem.
More later when I get my internet back.
jane
Dear Jane,
I liked your poem "Last Night it Rained" very much.
I liked the richness of colour in the "Bright titan ..."
line. The contrast towards the end, of "quiet carpet"
and "echo of dogs' barks" was striking. I enjoyed it
thoroughly.
("Summer" somehow
seemed out of place for me. Will that line work without
this season being mentioned?)
Regards,
Prasad
LAST NIGHT IT RAINED
Yesterday the leaves lay
In huge drifts across the lawn,
In one corner, beech leaves glowed
Bright titian red, orange and gold,
As if some profligate fairy had piled
Evanescent riches there. In the hollow,
Brown sycamore hands rattled curled fingers;
The dogs, excited by the sound, rushed wildly
Into the scatter, and the rustle was like rain
On summer trees. Last night it rained.
Today the leaves lie sodden and silent.
The dogs scamper over a quiet carpet,
Puzzled by its silence; their barks echo
Among the trunks of trees stripped bare.
Jane Bhandari
I liked your poem "Last Night it Rained" very much.
I liked the richness of colour in the "Bright titan ..."
line. The contrast towards the end, of "quiet carpet"
and "echo of dogs' barks" was striking. I enjoyed it
thoroughly.
("Summer" somehow
seemed out of place for me. Will that line work without
this season being mentioned?)
Regards,
Prasad
LAST NIGHT IT RAINED
Yesterday the leaves lay
In huge drifts across the lawn,
In one corner, beech leaves glowed
Bright titian red, orange and gold,
As if some profligate fairy had piled
Evanescent riches there. In the hollow,
Brown sycamore hands rattled curled fingers;
The dogs, excited by the sound, rushed wildly
Into the scatter, and the rustle was like rain
On summer trees. Last night it rained.
Today the leaves lie sodden and silent.
The dogs scamper over a quiet carpet,
Puzzled by its silence; their barks echo
Among the trunks of trees stripped bare.
Jane Bhandari
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